Every March, Wild Man’s extended family has a huge family reunion in Bryce Canyon. This year was no different. We were trying to get pregnant and after doing some calculating, I found that if I was not pregnant, I would start my period on the second to last day there. I wanted to be really hopeful and faithful that I was pregnant and not pack any ahem, lady supplies, but I also really didn’t want to have that awful experience when you start and have absolutely nothing. So reluctantly I packed the stuff.
If I remember correctly, the reunion lasted four days, maybe five. Typically, at least three days before my period would start, I’d start to feel very crampy and sick. A couple days into the trip I realized that I hadn’t felt any cramps – but I chalked that up to being too preoccupied by family and activities to notice them. Finally, the second to last day came and I just awaited that sign that it had begun.
I waited and waited and waited…
It was time for bed and still nothing. Of course, I got really hopeful, excited and anxious. But I didn’t even tell Wild Man because I was so scared about jinxing myself. Besides, it wouldn’t be the first time my period started a day late or so. So I forgot about it and went to sleep. I’d probably start the next day.
But I didn’t. The whole last day as we had a few last activities, packed and said our goodbyes, I kept waiting for the cramps then the real deal. But nothing. I felt totally fine with no signs of it coming. Again, I felt that rush of hopefulness, excitement and anxiousness.
We got home from the reunion and still nothing. This time I mentioned to Wild Man that I didn’t start yesterday and hadn’t started today and it was almost midnight. He asked if I was pregnant. I didn’t want to say yes, but I think at this point…for some reason I just kind of knew. But I’d seen a negative pregnancy test before and felt that disappointing blow even when I was sure I was pregnant. Even though I think I really did know, I kept saying that I’m probably just late this month.
Wild Man talked me into taking a test. I’d read somewhere that your have the strongest levels of the pregnancy hormone in the morning, so I decided that the next morning I’d wake up early, run to the store, buy a test and come home and take it. I should have known I wouldn’t really do that. Morning came and I was tired and I don’t think I really fully woke up to my alarm. So I missed that chance. That day I went to the store and bought a test. I’d take it the next morning.
The next morning I woke up early due to huge amounts of anxiety. I was now several days late and that positive feeling in my mind was only getting stronger but I was too afraid to admit that to Wild Man or even myself.
I took the test and sat it on the counter. The test said to wait 2 minutes before getting my answer. I set a timer, left the bathroom and laid in bed for what felt like an eternity. The entire time I laid in bed I just prayed over and over, “let this be the answer we want, let this be the answer we want.” Then the timer went off. I have NEVER felt my heart race like it did in that moment. I walked slowly into the bathroom, now totally nervous to look at the test. As I approached it, I started reminding myself that if it was negative, it was ok and I’d be ok. I started to doubt that good feeling I’d had for the last few days. I looked down at the test…
It was positive.
The whole world stopped. I checked the plus sign over and over. I compared it to the sheet of paper explaining what a positive sign looked like and I stared at the sign to make sure it wasn’t just my imagination playing tricks on me. Then I walked right outside the bathroom to a carpeted area and literally flopped on the floor and started to sob. I cried for a while, the whole time holding my stomach. I remember at one point even talking to my stomach, saying ‘hi’ to my little person in there. I was beyond thrilled and possibly in some kind of wonderful shock. I prayed and thanked Heavenly Father over and over and promised I’d try and be the best mom I could possibly be. Then I cried some more, still there in the hallway, holding my stomach that now held a little baby.
There were a million creative ways I wanted to tell Wild Man. I’d seen such cute ways to announce a pregnancy to a new father on Pinterest and other blogs so for a moment I thought about how I’d like to tell him. But then I looked at the clock. It was 8:15am and he wouldn’t be home until a little after 5. There was no way I could wait that long to share such exciting news. So I announced the pregnancy to him in the most boring way possible. I texted him. I said, “guess what?” He knew I was taking the test that morning, so he texted back, “Pregnant?” I sent a picture of the positive pregnancy test and started sobbing, again. Then I got another text back that said, “PREGNANT!!!” Thousands more messages were sent back and fourth about how excited we were, etc. I just cried a lot that day (& may or may not be crying thinking about that day…) When Wild Man came home from work he walked in happily and said, “Hi, pregnant one!” Then, for the first time, he came over and started talking to his baby in my stomach – something he does all the time, now. I melted and at that moment I knew our lives would never be the same and we were the luckiest people, ever.
“Sometimes the littlest things take up the most room in your heart.” -Winnie the Pooh