If Only I Could Have Warned You

Wild Man,

We always knew having a baby was going to change everything. I didn’t know just how much it would change me though.

There are the obvious changes we knew would happen: We’d get a lot less sleep, I’d have bags under my eyes, I’d cry more than usual (if thats even possible), my body shape would change, I would become completely attached to our child, and so on and so on.

But there are a lot more changes that have happened that I just wasn’t ready for – and they can be very overwhelming at times.

New daddys don’t give birth to the baby, breast feed the baby, stay up all night then stay up all day with the baby, change hundreds of diapers a day or cry most hours out of the day for no reason, but they still have an incredibly difficult job when it comes to pregnancy and having a baby.

You play a crucial role – a vital role – in helping me transition from a woman to a mother. And that isn’t an easy job as I’m sure you can strongly attest to! But its an incredibly important job and one I am so grateful you’ve effortlessly taken on.

You are awesome. I had no way of knowing what to warn you of when I got pregnant, but you stepped up to the plate with ease and bravery and for those 39.5 weeks you made me feel like the prettiest, most special person in the world and helped me still feel as normal as possible and made me feel understood and valued. I was sick my entire pregnancy, and the entirety of that time you were understanding beyond belief and oh so caring. If I didn’t get stuff done around the house or if I had zero energy, you never brought it up or made me feel like less of a person because of it. You always expressed that you loved me and were so, so patient (and still are).

That is exactly what you’ve done since The Little Captain was born too, but I would be willing to bet that its even harder this time around. Like I said earlier, I had no idea just how much I would change during this whole process of becoming a mommy and having our baby boy here.

I wish I could have warned you about the changes I’d go through so you wouldn’t be so caught off guard like I was.. (like I assume you were too?)

I’m Self Conscious Even more than I was when I basically had a beach ball in my belly. My body doesn’t look like what it used to. My stomach may have shrunk back, but its weirdly loose and flabby and to be honest, sometimes I worry I’ll never be able to get it toned up. I feel this pressure to always try and get dolled up so people don’t think I’m a lazy stay at home mom, now. There are all these new moms with tiny babies on social media who appear so put together and are looking glamorous and perfect just days after child birth and I feel pressure to look like them. Its pressure I put on myself, no one else makes me feel like I need to be Little Miss Perfect but I really can’t stop thinking about how I need to be that person. Ugh. I also hate that I get next to nothing done around the house nine times out of ten. I feel like I let you down and fear that I’m not as organized, put together and well-rounded as I hoped I’d be. All of this is hard hard hard on me.

I Need Help But I don’t want to admit it so I probably won’t ask. I hate that I don’t fully know every single thing about motherhood and that sometimes I have to ask for help and advice. It can be embarrassing. You always hear that being a mom will come naturally to a woman – and thats true on most fronts, but there are still some things I just need help with. This is going to take getting used to and somehow I’ll have to realize asking for help doesn’t make me a bad mother. Thankfully you’re a skilled mind reader and can offer the help/get me help before I need to drop my pride and ask. Thanks for that.

I Need Protection I feel so vulnerable right now. I will tell you exactly how I’m feeling, but I’m too overwhelmed to tell anyone else, so it’s very easy for me to feel walked all over, taken advantage of and treated poorer than I deserve. I need you to stand up for me when I’m not brave enough to do so and speak up for myself. Maybe it makes me sound pathetic, but I love knowing you can be my voice when my own voice won’t sound. You have always made me feel protected but now that our son is here I am so much more grateful to know that you put your family and our happiness (& my sanity) first.

I’m Attached To the new baby and you. We have this new, perfect family and I don’t like the idea of the three of us ever being separated for longer than a couple hours (& even then its tough). And it doesn’t make sense but even when I have been holding the baby all day and I’m tired and covered in spit up, I get anxious and feel empty when I haven’t had him wrapped snuggly in my arms for a long period of time – and when he is in someone else’s arms this mother bear in me comes out and I have to watch everything going on. I’m assuming this is a new mom thing. But I can’t guarantee the crazy hovering/over protecting/stressing out is going to end anytime soon.

I Worry I’m literally full to the brim with worry. I can’t sleep at night because I constantly have to make sure the baby is breathing. I worry about the kind of mother I’ll be. I worry about your well-being. I worry that someone won’t wash their hands before holding our son and he’ll get sick. I worry that I’m worrying so much that I’m not getting the sleep I need. I worry that people are talking about me behind my back. I worry about everything and you’re the only thing that can calm me down and bring me back to a good mental, stable  place. Please never lose this talent.

I Cry If I didn’t cry enough during pregnancy, I only cry more now. I hate the term, but postpartum depression is real. I’m even more willing to bet I have full fledged postpartum anxiety. I have always been an emotional person, but this whole ordeal has made me 100% more emotional. When this happens, I just need you and my baby.

I’m Crazy and Don’t Always Realize It I still don’t realize it so this is a hard paragraph to type out. But I know I’m irrational and am surely not easy to communicate with. Have I mentioned how much I value your saintly patience?

You are the best. Thank you for helping me with this huge step of becoming ‘mommy’. I couldn’t have done it without you.. Or at least not as easily. I applaud your patience, your understanding and the diligent, hard work you put into this family.

I love you, I love you, I love you.




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