I’ve been mom for almost four months and already there are rough days and I end up feeling guilty. Its pretty easy for me to feel like I haven’t been a good enough mom to my sweet son who deserves absolutely everything. On days when I need to clean the house, my baby who loves to be held and played with, is stuck in his rocker, bouncer or on a blanket on the floor. He’s happy for a few minutes then starts crying and breaks my heart. Some days I just really want to get ready and do my hair and wear make up, but again, that means leaving my baby somewhere that isn’t in my arms – his least favorite place to be. Again, I’m consumed by guilt. I’ve come to hate the early evening when I need to be making dinner because I know I make my son sad when I am not by him and as hard as I try, I just can’t prepare a full meal with a baby in one hand and a pot in the other. I feel so achey and sad when I’m taking clients in my spa and knowing my little buddy is upstairs with Wild Man or another family member and I’m not with him. For some reason I just feel bad when I’m not by him. (my emotions are likely incredibly irrational, I know). I know very well he is ok and its good for him to realize I can’t hold him 24/7, but that doesn’t make my guilt any easier. Its just hard sometimes to try and be the best mom ever and make sure your baby is happy 100% of the time when you know full well that goal can never be achieved because the house still needs to be cleaned, the laundry needs to be done, meals need to be prepared and so on.
This afternoon while I was doing a clients lashes and missing my baby who was being babysat by my momma, I started to think outside of my box of wanting to constantly coddle and snuggle my baby and decided to put myself in his little tiny shoes.
He loves me so much and to him, I am the best mom in the world. I give him food (that he loves oh so much), I change his diapers, I snuggle him in the middle of the night when he can’t sleep, I make him laugh, I hold his beloved binkys in his mouth when he can’t seem to keep them in, I keep him warm and comfortable, I wash his clothes, I keep him clean, I read him books, we play with toys together and we are absolutely best friends. I think if he were able to talk, he would give me a hug and tell me he loves me and that I’m doing a much better job than I am giving myself credit for. I’m a good mom.
I hope that I’m able to remember that next time I feel guilty and every time I look into the eyes of my sweet baby who thinks the world of me ❤
And I have a little shoutout for all the mommas out there who don’t always feel like they’re doing the best – YES YOU ARE. We only feel like we aren’t doing our best because we love our children that much. Your babies and you’re cute little kids love the heck out of you because you’re their mom. I hope we all can remember that.