September brought all the emotions, all the feelings and all the thoughts, stress and smiles. This month had it all, folks. I had a lot of self realization happen. I was able to break out (a little bit) of my shell. I’ve felt braver. I’ve felt more vulnerable. I’ve felt terrified and unqualified – and so, so much more. As I’m sitting here writing out the goods, the bads and the on my minds it probably doesn’t sound like a ton but it was a crazy month for me – especially in my brain. And I needed that. So was September hard sometimes? Yep. But it was also really good and I learned a lot. And wow did my pregnancy hormones take me for a ride…
- Fall started!
- I got a new phone. I didn’t think I’d be as excited as I am. I had the 6 Plus and now I have the 7 Plus. The camera is incredible and its fast and dependable. I am so happy about this upgrade.
- I’ve been on a mission to find a drugstore foundation that I like and finally after 5 or 6 different products, I have found one! I hate to be that girl…but I’m not telling you what it is yet because I’m going to be doing a post on the whole ordeal. But guys. I’m really excited about it. I was about to believe that drugstore foundations and me just didn’t mix.
- Confrontation and saying no and putting my feelings first is reeeeeeeeeeeally hard for me. It gives me the worst anxiety and just ask Wild Man, if I even have to consider saying something to someone that may hurt their feelings I have full on breakdowns. BUT I have made a tiny (probably incredibly tiny) bit of progress this month! Even a small victory in this department is a huge deal to me because this scares the HECK out of me.
- Along with the bullet point above, I’m learning and realizing its important to put myself first and it doesn’t make me selfish and I shouldn’t feel guilty about that.
- It was a painful month. This pregnancy is doing a number on my body. I have SPD and thats the trickiest, hardest part for sure. My hips, legs, back and pelvic area are in excruciating pain like 99% of the time. I try really, really hard not to whine about it but sometimes its awful – especially at night.
- I have had approximately 10,000 emotional breakdowns this month. Half the time I don’t even know why they’re happening. Its exhausting and has given me some killer headaches.
- Baby Boy is breach right now. Maybe he’ll flip and get in the right position and all will be well inside my chaotic brain. Or maybe he won’t and I’ll either have to have him moved while he’s still in my belly and if that doesn’t work have a c-section. This isn’t really a bad thing, but its not necessarily what anyone plans for so I’m still wrapping my brain around the fact that it could happen. Mostly I just wish he’d flip. His head in my ribcage is actually pretty painful. But he’ll do what he wants and I’ll do whatever it takes to get him here in the safest route for him.
ON MY BRAIN
- The pre-baby worry is setting in. Does that surprise you? It shouldn’t. I’m starting to worry that I’ll forget something when we get to the hospital, I’m worried I think that I have everything I need for baby but then I’ll realize I’ve forgotten something pretty big. I’m worried about all the scary things that could happen during birth that I choose not to think much more about. I’m nervous I’ll take forever to figure out how to equally divide my time between H and baby boy and that one will feel a little more neglected than the other. I’m worried that H will take the change really hard and I won’t know how to help him like I should. Just all the worries.
- I started using Instagram Stories and I’m still deciding how I like it. I still use Snapchat and I probably still use it more than Instagram. The filters definitely aren’t as good on Instagram – there is a dog filter but when you open your mouth a tongue doesn’t hang out and H is highly disappointed in that. I don’t actually mind posting stories on Instagram, I think the thing thats most troubling to me is that its highly overwhelming to watch everyone else’s stories. I follow a few like 800 people or something – its 100% impossible to watch everyones stories. Thats hard for me.
- We are coming up on busy season in my family. In September my sister, two nephews and a very close cousin had birthdays. In October we have a big fun trip, my moms birthday and Halloween. In November we have our anniversary, my dads birthday, a nieces birthday, H’s birthday, my due date and Thanksgiving. In December we have my sisters birthday, my birthday, Christmas and a brother in laws birthday. Busy, busy. But also my favorite time of year.
Today I’m 32 weeks pregnant with the worlds most frequently hiccuping baby and all the sudden that seems really, like really close to my due date! I feel decently ready. We have the stuff we need and we are super eager to meet this little guy, but there are always the nerves (for me at least). I have this fear of getting to the hospital and realizing I forgot something important and even though I know I have plenty of people who could swing by my house or stop by the store, I still worry. Its really fun living inside my paranoid brain guys.
Now if you aren’t in the mood to read a pregnant girls whining and venting then maybe you should just close out now because its about to get rambly.
I had my 32 week appointment today. I was pretty much ready to have this confirmed, but I have SPD (symphosis pelvic disorder) which basically means my muscles, ligaments and bones are already loosening, stretching and aren’t properly aligned. Thats great when you’re about to have a baby, but its a pain (literally) when you still have 8-ish weeks left. Its been going on for the last 3-4 weeks and basically its just awful pain down yonder. I am popping in my hips, pelvic bone and pubic bone and its excruciating. Did you know your pubic bone can even pop? Well it can and it’ll stop you in your tracks and can even make you cry if it catches you off guard enough. Pretty much everything from my mid back to my mid-thighs hurt so bad that I’m waddling and moving like a 100 year old woman and theres pretty much nothing that can be done. Except have a baby in several more weeks. Its discouraging to basically hear, ‘yep, thats gonna hurt and it’ll keep hurting until you have a baby,’ but I’m grateful that its only pain I am feeling and baby boy is doing great. While we are talking about pain, I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned this or not yet, but I’ve had this for a few months now but…vericose veins. Down there. Its as crappy as it sounds and hurts like crazy. Pregnancy hurts sometimes.
At my 28 week appointment baby was sideways. My doctor wasn’t too worried because it was still early enough that he didn’t have to be head down yet. Well today he is completely breach. Head up, bum down. Exactly the opposite of where we’d like him to be. Again, its too early to really get too worried about it but…c’mon, this is me we’re talking about. I’m worrying. Duh. My doctor said its still possible he’ll flip but it is trickier for baby to flip the bigger they get. He also said sometimes during labor if they are breach they’ll just randomly flip into the correct position. He also said that his partner is really good at flipping the babies in the stomach closer to delivery and has a pretty high success rate. Although I hear thats a very painful option – eek! But if it comes to that I’ll totally give it a try. Then he explained that if baby just won’t flip then the safest route to deliver baby would be via c-section. At first that scared me, but people have c-sections all the time and I’m a firm believer in getting baby here safely, no matter what method that is by and if we have to do a c-section then I won’t fight it at all. But its still hard to process when you hear that your perfect baby isn’t in the perfect situation and you may not have the vaginal delivery you’ve been visualizing your entire pregnancy. For some reason I’ve been really emotional about grasping that today. Which just makes me feel crazy. Because honestly if it comes to a c-section I have no issues with that. So why do I keep crying? Hormones are doing me no favors.
Ultimately, the most important thing is that baby brother is doing amazing, growing great, is right on track. Nothing is more important to me than to hear that! I can’t believe he is due in 8 weeks.
(which also means i’ll have a 2 year old in 8 weeks – gulp!!)
Fall is finally officially here and I couldn’t be more overjoyed. But I have to admit, as I look back at Summer I have to confess it was a really great season with some really great moments and memories. We spent a lot of time swimming in my parents pool, spending time in the mountains, playing in our yard with our new puppy and going on evening walks together as a family – something that has become something H eagerly looks forward to daily.
It was both busy and relaxing with some big, fun trips and a lot of days spent in the comfort of our cozy home. It was chaotic at times and it was blissful at times. I discovered – or at least came to terms with – the fact that I think I’m battling some crappy anxiety again and the closer I get to delivery the worse it gets. Is pre-partum anxiety a thing?
H grew up a ton. He’s learned a lot more words, is able to correctly identify lots of various things, is so observant, curious and a little baby genius. Our baby has grown healthily and what seems like really quickly. I feel like our family has grown a lot. We have somehow got even closer to one another.
We have been killing our daily prayer and scripture study, we have turned a new page and have a newfound determination to make church really count and make a conscious effort to stay all three hours (it definitely helps that H is in nursery now). Its just been a great couple months, even when it was so hot outside I wanted to cry and hideaway in our freezing basement.
But you better believe I’m so dang ready for Fall and all the celebrations, big events, holidays and traditions it brings. As I’m typing this I am wearing slippers and a hoodie! Do you even understand how excited this makes me? Fall is the best – don’t even try to fight me on this.
Summer, you were a good one. Thanks for all the memories.
Is there anything better than Fall? The clothes, the smells, the colors, the food, the traditions. I look forward to this season all year long. Winter, Spring and Summer are great and all that – but in my book, nothing can beat Fall.
Today is the first day of Fall and I’ve created a little bucket list for this season to ensure that it is that great of a season.
My Fall Bucket List
- Have a super cute baby boy
- Eat a shameful amount of apple pie without feeling any shame at all
- Bust out all those Fall maternity clothes I’ve so eagerly been looking forward to wearing
- Wool socks. Every day.
- Drink at least one cup of hot chocolate a day
- Teach H the joy of jumping in a pile of raked up leaves
- Take family pictures
- Take maternity pictures a few weeks before baby is due to arrive
- Start Christmas shopping
- Find a bunch of Fall crafts on Pinterest to recreate
- Light my Fall scented candles
- Break out the Christmas Music because its totally ok to listen to Christmas music before Thanksgiving
- Decorate for Fall in general, then Halloween, then Thanksgiving and the day after Thanksgiving – bust out Christmas decor
- Throw our annual Halloween Pool Party – mostly Wild Man’s thing
- Obviously eat a ton of candy around Halloween
- Give Candy Corn another shot – maybe it’ll taste better this year
- Go on walks and crunch old leaves under our feet as a family (yes – this is something i genuinely look forward to)
- Watch General Conference while relaxing in my families amazing condo up north
- Buy a little rake so H can help in the yard
- Find a beanie that doesn’t look ridiculous on my big head
“‘Twas a long time ago – longer now than it seems,
In a place that, perhaps, you have seen in your dreams.
For the story that you are about to be told
Began in the holiday worlds of old.
I know you’re curious to see what’s inside.
It’s what happens when two holidays collide!
Welcome, my friends, to our Christmas delight!
Come witness a ghoulishly glorious sight.
It’s time for our holiday tale to begin.
There’s no turning back now—please, come all the way in.”
Halloween is fast approaching (YESSS!!!!) and as such, the celebrations are beginning at Disney Parks! On September 20th, Mickeys Halloween Party in Disneyland starts and I’ve blogged about this before, but this is something you have to have on your Bucket List. My very favorite time to go to Disneyland is when all their Fall/Halloween decorations and overlays are up and then when you add the Halloween Party (which is a separate ticket event in the evenings) and its the cherry on top of an already very magical, not-so-scary time. I can’t wait for our trip down there soon!
One of my very favorite things Disneyland does during this time is transform Haunted Mansion to Haunted Mansion Holiday – which opens today! Jack Skellington (from Nightmare Before Christmas) takes over the Mansion and creates the most spooktacular Christmas setup you’ll ever see! Its still very much the original Haunted Mansion, but with lots of new Christmas/Tim Burton twists. The music and audio are incredible. There is a gingerbread house thats real (so its different every year) that smells up the Ballroom with that delicious scent. There are new, unfamiliar surprises around every corner. Its incredible.
Coming from someone who calls Haunted Mansion their favorite Disney attraction and does’t love change – this should speak volumes for what a fun little change this is. I highly suggest you check it out someday. Just so you know, it runs through December then will go back to the amazing, original Haunted Mansion we all know and love.
It will likely come as no shock to you that we have a lot of Disney books in our home (but of course we never have enough and our collection is always growing). H and I read several books throughout our day and at night H loves when his dad sits and reads to him before bed. Today as I was trying to brainstorm what I could blog about, H approached me with our newest favorite Disney book to read and thats when the idea hit me. Today I’l show you H’s favorite Disney books (for the time being).
The Captain’s Top 7 Favorite Disney Reads
Disney in Details: This is basically a bunch of hidden gems around Disney World. Our family already knew about the majority of these, but its still a fun book to have around the house and H loves the pictures!
My First Words: Its a whole bunch of images and some are Disney characters! Whats not to love?
Small Disney Board Books: A few Christmases ago my aunt H this pack of small Disney board books. There are tons of them and I don’t know that H necessarily has a favorite, but he loves them. There are so many different characters and short little stories and books that talk about characters, shapes, etc. These are a big hit.
Who’s Who: This one is probably our very favorite right now. Or mine at least. This book is the perfect tool for teaching your little one all the Disney characters – even some of the more obscure, less thought of characters. Its so much fun, there are little bios on each character and colored pictures. This book wasn’t released very long ago and H and I have already spent hours in these pages. I highly, highly recommend this book to all of you.
My First Colors: Ok, this one is probably H’s favorite. Its his newest Disney Baby book and its a fun one. The pages fold out which is definitely his favorite feature. Its been really nice right now too as we are working on identifying colors.
Hello, World!: All the It’s a Small World books are very loved in our home but this is the one we read the most. If you want to challenge yourself as a parent and try and figure out how to say ‘hello’ in a whole bunch of different languages – this ones for you!! Its a short read, but H is never disappointed by it – even though his mom surely slaughters the different languages featured inside.
Disney/Pixar Look and Find – Toy Story: He got book in a set of four. I don’t know if this one is his very favorite of the four but its the one we’ve looked at about 100 times already today. Look and Find is a little too advanced for him right now but he’s picking up on it more and more each time we read it and even if he isn’t in the mood to find the certain characters/things, he enjoys looking at the pages nonetheless.
Well I guess I’ve just reached that point of pregnancy. I’m losing my mind, I have very little control of my emotions and I literally feel like a crazy person. 10-ish weeks left. Please wish me luck, send me good vibes and pray for my family that has to deal with me.
I’m assuming that a lot of all this madness is due to the fact that I can’t get a good nights sleep for the life of me. Between back and hip pain, heart burn, never being able to get comfortable, nausea, being so hot I could melt into a puddle and my brain thinking about all the things I need to do before baby gets here and how excited I am for baby – sleep just doesn’t come easily. I wake up feeling more tired than I felt the night before and the sensation doesn’t go away throughout the day. I’m just always tired and hurting.
Oh and my brain? Its all over the place and incredibly unreliable. I don’t even want to tell you how many spa clients and other important appointments I’ve forgot about. Its infuriating. I am usually on top of things but lately I’m so far from that person. I’m taking the phrase ‘scatter-brained’ to a whole new level. I can’t even carry on a normal conversation without forgetting a word thats simple and used daily or keeping my train of thought (its going to be amazing if this post makes sense at all to be honest).
Then there are my emotions which are all. over. the. place. One second I’m laughing hysterically, the next I’m so ticked off and annoyed about something, then I’m sobbing for who knows why and the next thing you know I’m curled in a ball on the couch filled with worry and anxiety. Its unpredictable and exhausting.
I’m grouchier than normal. I’m far less patient than usual. I’m more anxious. I’m more hard on myself and feel more guilt. I’m less (much less) motivated. I’m lazier. I’m slower. But I’m trying – most the time – to fight those darn feelings and be ‘normal’ as possible. Some moments are easier than others.
But for now I just feel like a mess. My brains a train wreck and I just want to take a nap.
Pregnancy, you’re fun.