September brought all the emotions, all the feelings and all the thoughts, stress and smiles. This month had it all, folks. I had a lot of self realization happen. I was able to break out (a little bit) of my shell. I’ve felt braver. I’ve felt more vulnerable. I’ve felt terrified and unqualified – and so, so much more. As I’m sitting here writing out the goods, the bads and the on my minds it probably doesn’t sound like a ton but it was a crazy month for me – especially in my brain. And I needed that. So was September hard sometimes? Yep. But it was also really good and I learned a lot. And wow did my pregnancy hormones take me for a ride…
- Fall started!
- I got a new phone. I didn’t think I’d be as excited as I am. I had the 6 Plus and now I have the 7 Plus. The camera is incredible and its fast and dependable. I am so happy about this upgrade.
- I’ve been on a mission to find a drugstore foundation that I like and finally after 5 or 6 different products, I have found one! I hate to be that girl…but I’m not telling you what it is yet because I’m going to be doing a post on the whole ordeal. But guys. I’m really excited about it. I was about to believe that drugstore foundations and me just didn’t mix.
- Confrontation and saying no and putting my feelings first is reeeeeeeeeeeally hard for me. It gives me the worst anxiety and just ask Wild Man, if I even have to consider saying something to someone that may hurt their feelings I have full on breakdowns. BUT I have made a tiny (probably incredibly tiny) bit of progress this month! Even a small victory in this department is a huge deal to me because this scares the HECK out of me.
- Along with the bullet point above, I’m learning and realizing its important to put myself first and it doesn’t make me selfish and I shouldn’t feel guilty about that.
- It was a painful month. This pregnancy is doing a number on my body. I have SPD and thats the trickiest, hardest part for sure. My hips, legs, back and pelvic area are in excruciating pain like 99% of the time. I try really, really hard not to whine about it but sometimes its awful – especially at night.
- I have had approximately 10,000 emotional breakdowns this month. Half the time I don’t even know why they’re happening. Its exhausting and has given me some killer headaches.
- Baby Boy is breach right now. Maybe he’ll flip and get in the right position and all will be well inside my chaotic brain. Or maybe he won’t and I’ll either have to have him moved while he’s still in my belly and if that doesn’t work have a c-section. This isn’t really a bad thing, but its not necessarily what anyone plans for so I’m still wrapping my brain around the fact that it could happen. Mostly I just wish he’d flip. His head in my ribcage is actually pretty painful. But he’ll do what he wants and I’ll do whatever it takes to get him here in the safest route for him.
ON MY BRAIN
- The pre-baby worry is setting in. Does that surprise you? It shouldn’t. I’m starting to worry that I’ll forget something when we get to the hospital, I’m worried I think that I have everything I need for baby but then I’ll realize I’ve forgotten something pretty big. I’m worried about all the scary things that could happen during birth that I choose not to think much more about. I’m nervous I’ll take forever to figure out how to equally divide my time between H and baby boy and that one will feel a little more neglected than the other. I’m worried that H will take the change really hard and I won’t know how to help him like I should. Just all the worries.
- I started using Instagram Stories and I’m still deciding how I like it. I still use Snapchat and I probably still use it more than Instagram. The filters definitely aren’t as good on Instagram – there is a dog filter but when you open your mouth a tongue doesn’t hang out and H is highly disappointed in that. I don’t actually mind posting stories on Instagram, I think the thing thats most troubling to me is that its highly overwhelming to watch everyone else’s stories. I follow a few like 800 people or something – its 100% impossible to watch everyones stories. Thats hard for me.
- We are coming up on busy season in my family. In September my sister, two nephews and a very close cousin had birthdays. In October we have a big fun trip, my moms birthday and Halloween. In November we have our anniversary, my dads birthday, a nieces birthday, H’s birthday, my due date and Thanksgiving. In December we have my sisters birthday, my birthday, Christmas and a brother in laws birthday. Busy, busy. But also my favorite time of year.