October. I have lots of feelings about this month. I was really emotional, really down on myself and hormonal and stressed out. I never felt like I was doing a good enough job and had lots of breakdowns. But it was also really good. I hit 8 months pregnant. We went to Disneyland. I found my mojo (towards the end – nesting maybe?) and got so much done and finally felt accomplished and proud. Most of all, I have been wishing October away because November is due date month and I CANNOT WAIT.
- We went to Disneyland with my family and as usual, it was perfect and magical and a much needed getaway. I was 35 weeks so I couldn’t do much, had low energy and limited mobility but it was still a blast. H was so much fun and was in Disney heaven. I ate way too much (is that even a thing?), took lots of pictures and we made so many new, happy memories that I really will treasure for a long time. I was so excited we were able to make a 5 day trip happen before baby brother came.
- My body is progressing and getting ready for little brother. Being checked at my last couple appointments have been really excited because stuff is happening!!
- I’m ready for baby. Everything is washed, put away and in place.
- General Conference was at the beginning of the month and we spent it in my families condo in Eden. It was the best weekend and the messages were incredible. I was so happy because I was able to take notes on every speaker because H was being so good. There is something so rejuvenating about listening to these speakers with such inspired words that are somehow always exactly what you need to hear.
- Our Halloween costumes are awesome. We got to wear them already at Mickey’s Halloween Party in Disneyland and seeing how excited H gets about them makes them even better. H’s current favorite movie is Monsters Inc/University, so we did a Monsters theme. Wild Man is Sulley, H is Mike and I am Boo (pajamas!)
- The weather is finally good enough that I can wear my fall maternity clothes. I’ve been looking forward to this…my whole pregnancy!! I have some maternity sweaters that are what dreams are made of, you guys. My mom also found me some maternity leggings from Target that are now probably all I’ll wear the rest of this pregnancy and I will not be ashamed of that in the least bit. Heck, I’ll probably wear them long after baby is born, too.
- Speaking of clothes, I finally found a robe I was happy with to buy for the hospital and recovery after baby. Its just grey but its the comfiest thing on earth and I am so excited to start wearing it. After H was born I lived in my robe (or just garments…) for a long period of time. I don’t plan on doing anything differently this time around so I’m very happy to have a robe I’ll be happy to live in.
- Hormones were EVERYWHERE. I cried in October more than any other month of my pregnancy. Everything tipped me over the edge and led to a breakdown. Happy things, sad things, things that didn’t matter – you name it, I cried about it. Thankfully Wild Man is the best and helped me so much while I’d have these episodes.
- The end of pregnancy just hurts. Everything hurts and I move like a woman who is 150 years old. I’m exhausted, waddly, puffy, squishy and definitely ready to have a baby. I’m bad at the last couple weeks and the agony of waiting.
- I think my postpartum anxiety is already here and in full swing. I don’t want to go into details because I’m sure it’ll just act as a trigger to me, but I’m nervous. I’m dreading it. However I have plans – that hopefully I can stick to – to be more vocal about what I’m feeling and standing up for myself and my family and what I think is right for us, not anyone else, in hopes that it will help ease the anxiety. Wish me luck.
- If detailed pregnancy discomfort makes you uncomfortable, skip this bullet point. My freaking pelvic area kills! My crotch pops all the time and its a pain I could never explain. Rolling in bed, sneezing, walking too fast, separating my legs too far and other silly things make them pop or grind and it sounds like gravel and it is the WORST. It hurts so bad. This better go away after baby is born because I don’t know how I could live like this much longer.
ON MY BRAIN
- Do I know how to be a mom of two? I don’t think I’ve really mastered being a mom of one yet so how will I do with two? Its nerve wracking but also so exciting. Mostly I just hope I figure it out quickly.
- How in the world is H going to be two in November? How does time move that fast? This whole pregnancy I’ve been eagerly looking forward to November because of my due date but equally being sad about November because it would mean I’d have a two year old. I’m so glad he’s growing healthy and strong and developing right, learning so much, etc, but watching your tiny baby get bigger and bigger each day really tugs at your heart strings.
- Isn’t it funny how fast dogs become part of your family? We have had Penny since June and half the time (ok, probably more than half the time) she drives me crazy, but during October she had a few health/body scares that all turned out to be nothing, but while they were happening they really stressed me out. I realized how much I love this wild puppy and want her to be happy and healthy.
- I am full of anxiety anyway, but if I’m anything like I was after having H its going to get a whole lot worse after baby is born. One of the biggest triggers for me for whatever reason is unexpected visitors. With naps, my lack of appropriate clothing I’ll be wearing, postpartum hormones, etc I’m already panicking about random visitors. So I’ve decided I’m declaring that if you want to come to my house within the first couple months of me having a baby you must set up an appointment. This sounds silly, but I know it will do my mind wonders. I will not answer the door unless I am expecting you. It seems a little mean probably but I feel so, so good about this decision and I already feel so much calmer about those tiny newborn weeks since deciding on this.
- Everything about delivery is something I’m super looking forward to except being away from H. Fun Fact: I’ve never been away from him longer than a few hours. I’m very attached to my boy (thanks, anxiety) so the thought of spending a few days in the hospital away from my sweet boy rips my heart out. I know that he will be brought to the hospital a few times to visit and for pictures and stuff, but I’m already worried about how hard night time will be for me to be away from him. Hopefully it won’t be hard for him, too. Ugh. I loved being in the hospital when I had H, but I feel like my attitude will be pretty different with baby #2.