I’m taking a small break from regular blogging – but this was a post I didn’t want to skip. I love having been able to look back at this year and see what was going good, what wasn’t so much and what I was thinking about. So even though I’m busy and very, very postpartum-y, I’m making time for this post.
- Obviously the top of my ‘good’ list for the month – for the year, actually – is the birth of our second sweet son. He is absolutely perfect. He is pretty much the spitting image of his big brother, he’s very easy, simple to soothe and has us all in newborn heaven. We are smitten and so grateful for this handsome little edition to our family. I am (slowly) working on his birth story. His birth was very different than H’s. I had an emergency c-section which we knew was kind of a possibility (minus the emergency part), but I truly just thought we’d still end up doing a vaginal delivery. Although it wasn’t part of the ‘plan’ and there were a couple scary minutes, E was delivered safely and is healthy and we are so, so grateful. I’m thankful for modern medicine and for my amazing doctors. But mostly I’m thankful for my new family of four.
- H turned 2 this month! I was always hesitant about this day. Two seems so old. But I finally had to kick myself in the pants and remind myself that time isn’t going to stop. My kids are going to get older (cue the tears) so I need to enjoy every age and every milestone. I’m going to enjoy two! Its already been so fun. It blows my mind on a daily basis how smart, curious and adventurous he is.
- We set our Christmas stuff up the day after Thanksgiving. Obviously this is on the good list because Christmas/December = very good. Best month of the year.
- I really love nursing. I forgot how much I loved it. Which is funny because I only stopped nursing H in July. But that bond and one-on-one time only you and your baby get is just magical. There is nothing else like it.
- I had an emergency c-section with sweet baby E. The healing and recovery process has been no joke. I truly don’t know if I can say that its worse or better than a vaginal delivery recovery, I can just say that its very different. Also, know what doesn’t help the recovery process? Your 60 pound dog jumping directly onto your incision. Yeah, I’m pretty sure the doctors don’t recommend that.
- Yes, I have a newborn so this is very expected, but wow the lack of sleep. I forgot how hard it is. E is a little confused and I’m pretty sure he thinks day is night and night is day. In other words he’s awake more in the night and sleeps more during the day. Any advice on how to reverse this? I am struggling.
- Both of my boys have been congested for a while. I don’t want to jinx it, but I think that they’re on the up and up finally, but yikes its been rough. I’m a professional nose wiper and sympathy crier. I hate seeing my kids sick. Its been especially hard to see E being so congested and sad. When he’d struggle to breathe it nearly killed me.
ON MY BRAIN
- You know how I’m paranoid and don’t use real names on my blog? I’m so torn as to what to call baby E. H’s name here on the blog is The Captain…but I rarely use that anymore. He’s pretty much H. Maybe E will always pretty much be E – but I want him to have a ‘name’, too.. This will bother me until I come up with a blog name for him.
- Postpartum anxiety/depression/hormones/feelings – all that jazz. The anxiety hit me hard after H was born but I would be willing to bet its all hit me harder this time. I am the biggest cry baby and if you could peek inside my brain I think you’d lose your mind almost immediately. Its a mess and there are so many conflicting thoughts and feelings. My biggest stressor is that I really cannot tell the difference right now between mothers intuition and my own anxiety and paranoia. Thankfully my sweet husband is my hero, my therapist and my greatest support and has been a tremendous help. I’d honestly be in the looney bin in a massive puddle of my own tears of despair without him.
- I’ve come to this conclusion: When you have multiple children in diapers – if one is poopy, it typically means the other one is too. I swear if I change one poopy bum then you can pretty much guarantee the other bum is poopy.
- I’m so glad that people are getting braver and speaking out about sexual assault, etc. but I swear its taking a toll on me. Its hard to open up any form of social media or news outlet and hear of yet another sad thing thats happened either recently or years ago to someone without consent. I’m so glad attention is being brought to this and its becoming more and more ‘ok’ to speak out about it and I’m glad the people who have done bad things aren’t getting away with it anymore. I need to get thicker skin.
- I’ve weirdly missed the hospital since we have been home. I miss the bed, the bubble, the nurses, the constant refills of cold water, the grilled cheese sandwiches and even those awful vital checks! I just want to still be there I guess? Like, no I don’t. But I also do. I don’t even understand myself.
Two years ago our worlds changed forever and for the best when our sweet baby H was born – making us parents and making us the happiest we have ever been! I always, always knew I wanted to be a mom and was constantly dreaming about the day that those dreams would come true. I had high, high expectations and knew I’d love it. But wow. H exceeded those expectations by so much and I love being a mom much more than I ever could have imagined I’d love it. He has always been so easy going and calm. He is genuinely good and as he’s got older, he actually tries to do good too. I am forever smitten by this precious boy and am forever grateful that he is my son and I am his mom.
Wild Man and I are already happy people but when we had H he brought a joy to our family we never knew we were so terribly missing. He was truly the puzzle piece that completed our little starter family that we weren’t aware we so needed. He has given light to our bummed out days. He has been a constant reminder of whats actually important and what should be a priority and what should have a lot of our attention. He is our pride and our joy.
Being this sweet boys mom has given me so much purpose and so much knowledge. I guess in my mind, motherhood would just be me teaching my children, but I had no idea just how much I would be learning from him – even when he was teeny tiny. I think the greatest thing he has taught me is about unconditional love. He showed me parts of my heart that only he could have. He showed me a new side of myself that I never could have found myself. He has also taught me a lot about self-love. I easily can feel like a not-so-great mom, but the way he treats me and loves me no matter what has helped put things into perspective and helps me realize I’m doing a good job and he loves me and thinks I’m a great mom.
Happy Birthday to our big, new two year old! These past two years with you have easily been the best two years of my life and I’m grateful to know that my life will always be good and have positivity in it because you are my son and I am your mom. You are my light, my happiness and my reason. Thank you for being you and creating a new, wonderful life for us. Have the best, happiest, most magical birthday, buddy. No one deserves it like you do. I love you to infinity and beyond – forever and ever.
Our sweet little boy joined our family on November 10th and he is pure perfection and has brought us incredible, indescribable joy. I’ll likely be taking some time off while I snuggle the heck out of this perfect little person. I’m working on his birth story and some future posts that may or may not ever get posted. I’m having too much fun in this newborn heaven bubble. We love our boy and we are so thankful that he’s here, healthy and the greatest little thing ever.
Quite a while ago I posted about how I found out I was pregnant with H and how I told Wild Man. You can read that story here if you’d like. I figured it was only fair that I also share the story of this baby, as well. Just a heads up – much like the story of H – this is not anything exciting or cutesy. Apparently I turn incredibly uncreative when it comes to giant life changes like this.
We didn’t get pregnant immediately when we were trying for H. So when we had settled on a timeline for when we would start trying for baby #2 I wasn’t holding my breath for it to happen very fast (for the record, Wild Man had a very different attitude about this). So when we hadn’t been trying long like…at all…I was both hopeful and skeptical. No way it happened this fast this time. Nope. Regardless of my negative attitude, I couldn’t quit thinking about the pregnancy test sitting in the box under our bathroom counter.
One day Wild Man had just got home from work and we were all at the table eating dinner. I wasn’t even a day late for my period yet but I had been thinking about it all day. Somehow I just felt pregnant even though it made no sense. There was only one way to confirm my suspicion, though. I decided the next morning I would take a test because rumor has it, you get the clearest results when you take pregnancy tests in the morning.
Never mind. The longer we sat at dinner the more impatient I got. I knew I was pregnant and I just needed that little stick to tell me I wasn’t crazy. I got up from the dinner table and just said I needed to use the restroom but didn’t explain what I was doing. When you take a pregnancy test you’re typically instructed to lay the test on the counter for 2 minutes (or so) and check back on it. But I wasn’t about to wait 2 minutes. As soon as the test began I sat and watched it. I watched the test go from blank to…positive. I was right. I was pregnant.
I said a quick prayer of thanks, had my moment, cleaned up then ran out to our kitchen and stood right next to Wild Man and said, “Want to see something cool?” Then I handed him the test. (my cute, creative announcements are back at it!) We were both so excited! We told H he was going to be a big brother then Wild Man talked to my stomach for a minute. The rest of the day was just full of that pure elation you feel after seeing that positive sign – and to be honest we’ve been riding that high since and now we are this close to meeting this sweet baby!!
This is just for me to remember.. We were almost 4 weeks when I found out..
Today I’m 38 weeks pregnant! Two weeks until due date! Which also means 2 weeks until I also have a two year old!! Its a weird feeling to simultaneously want time to speed up and slow down all at the same time.
I had my 38 week appointment today and if I’m being honest it kind of bummed me out. Baby boy is doing great. He is healthy and his heart sounds just as it should. I’m measuring very on par to where I was with H and all is looking well. But as far as my body progressing…darn. For three weeks now I’ve been at a ‘barely 2’ and am told my cervix is still quite thick and baby is pretty high. I’m not actually worried about him being high, because H was too even when I was at a 10 in labor at the hospital and it all worked out fine. Its just the whole being only at a 2 with a thick cervix that is discouraging. For some reason I really thought that I would be a little early with this pregnancy but so far its looking like that won’t be the case. Maybe this little boy just really wants to share a birthday with his big brother or at least be born really close to his birthday? I don’t know. I’m fine with him cooking as long as he needs to – I really am good with that, its just so much harder to be patient this time around. I think that has to do with how much pain I’m in constantly. Maybe also because now I know how fun these little ones are and I’m just that eager to add another one to the family. Whatever the reason, there is really nothing I can do. Just wait and be patient!
It is good to know though that in at least two weeks (i hope) my sweet baby will be here!
Five years ago today in the Mount Timpanogos Temple I was married, sealed for time and all eternity to my sweet, selfless husband. Five years has flown by and I really feel like I’ve known this great man for my whole life. Its hard to think of a time when he wasn’t in the picture. We dated a year (our first date was Nov. 4) before getting married and I can truly say that these six years of knowing Wild Man have been the best of my life. Of course the first few years are a lot of learning about each other and figuring out how to make two people one functional couple, but even the harder times were great times.
Often times Wild Man will say, “we make a good team!” or, “we’re the greatest team ever assembled.” A lot of times when I hear that I just laugh and smile, but when I sit here and really think about those two phrases, he’s right! We are not perfect, but we really are a good team and we work hard at our marriage and in our family and I think that work shows off and pays off.
Wild Man is my rock and my sanity. He’s my best friend, my closest ally and my confidant. He’s my cheerleader, my biggest supporter, he’s my fellow dreamer and the person who can perk me up the fastest. I’m eternally grateful that he is eternally mine.
Happy fifth anniversary, Wild Man! Every day I am grateful for you and for the love you have for me.