I’m taking a small break from regular blogging – but this was a post I didn’t want to skip. I love having been able to look back at this year and see what was going good, what wasn’t so much and what I was thinking about. So even though I’m busy and very, very postpartum-y, I’m making time for this post.
- Obviously the top of my ‘good’ list for the month – for the year, actually – is the birth of our second sweet son. He is absolutely perfect. He is pretty much the spitting image of his big brother, he’s very easy, simple to soothe and has us all in newborn heaven. We are smitten and so grateful for this handsome little edition to our family. I am (slowly) working on his birth story. His birth was very different than H’s. I had an emergency c-section which we knew was kind of a possibility (minus the emergency part), but I truly just thought we’d still end up doing a vaginal delivery. Although it wasn’t part of the ‘plan’ and there were a couple scary minutes, E was delivered safely and is healthy and we are so, so grateful. I’m thankful for modern medicine and for my amazing doctors. But mostly I’m thankful for my new family of four.
- H turned 2 this month! I was always hesitant about this day. Two seems so old. But I finally had to kick myself in the pants and remind myself that time isn’t going to stop. My kids are going to get older (cue the tears) so I need to enjoy every age and every milestone. I’m going to enjoy two! Its already been so fun. It blows my mind on a daily basis how smart, curious and adventurous he is.
- We set our Christmas stuff up the day after Thanksgiving. Obviously this is on the good list because Christmas/December = very good. Best month of the year.
- I really love nursing. I forgot how much I loved it. Which is funny because I only stopped nursing H in July. But that bond and one-on-one time only you and your baby get is just magical. There is nothing else like it.
- I had an emergency c-section with sweet baby E. The healing and recovery process has been no joke. I truly don’t know if I can say that its worse or better than a vaginal delivery recovery, I can just say that its very different. Also, know what doesn’t help the recovery process? Your 60 pound dog jumping directly onto your incision. Yeah, I’m pretty sure the doctors don’t recommend that.
- Yes, I have a newborn so this is very expected, but wow the lack of sleep. I forgot how hard it is. E is a little confused and I’m pretty sure he thinks day is night and night is day. In other words he’s awake more in the night and sleeps more during the day. Any advice on how to reverse this? I am struggling.
- Both of my boys have been congested for a while. I don’t want to jinx it, but I think that they’re on the up and up finally, but yikes its been rough. I’m a professional nose wiper and sympathy crier. I hate seeing my kids sick. Its been especially hard to see E being so congested and sad. When he’d struggle to breathe it nearly killed me.
ON MY BRAIN
- You know how I’m paranoid and don’t use real names on my blog? I’m so torn as to what to call baby E. H’s name here on the blog is The Captain…but I rarely use that anymore. He’s pretty much H. Maybe E will always pretty much be E – but I want him to have a ‘name’, too.. This will bother me until I come up with a blog name for him.
- Postpartum anxiety/depression/hormones/feelings – all that jazz. The anxiety hit me hard after H was born but I would be willing to bet its all hit me harder this time. I am the biggest cry baby and if you could peek inside my brain I think you’d lose your mind almost immediately. Its a mess and there are so many conflicting thoughts and feelings. My biggest stressor is that I really cannot tell the difference right now between mothers intuition and my own anxiety and paranoia. Thankfully my sweet husband is my hero, my therapist and my greatest support and has been a tremendous help. I’d honestly be in the looney bin in a massive puddle of my own tears of despair without him.
- I’ve come to this conclusion: When you have multiple children in diapers – if one is poopy, it typically means the other one is too. I swear if I change one poopy bum then you can pretty much guarantee the other bum is poopy.
- I’m so glad that people are getting braver and speaking out about sexual assault, etc. but I swear its taking a toll on me. Its hard to open up any form of social media or news outlet and hear of yet another sad thing thats happened either recently or years ago to someone without consent. I’m so glad attention is being brought to this and its becoming more and more ‘ok’ to speak out about it and I’m glad the people who have done bad things aren’t getting away with it anymore. I need to get thicker skin.
- I’ve weirdly missed the hospital since we have been home. I miss the bed, the bubble, the nurses, the constant refills of cold water, the grilled cheese sandwiches and even those awful vital checks! I just want to still be there I guess? Like, no I don’t. But I also do. I don’t even understand myself.