I like to look at each new year as an opportunity to grow. I know that the year will bring its own unique challenges and hardships but also its own joy and excitement. I went into January 2018 with an open minded attitude – just a lot of anxiousness about the new chapter.
- I have been doing so good at my goal of daily exercise! I feel good and dare I say it, even look forward to my daily sweat. I haven’t seen results yet, but I have felt them. I feel stronger and know I’m moving myself in the right direction. Its exciting and definitely makes the annoyance of daily work outs so much more worth it. …and less annoying.
- My testimony of prayer and relying on the Savior has grown by like 1,000% this month. Long, personal, private story – but seriously you guys, I am a changed person because of this.
- My words of the year are Kind, Brave and Time – and I am remembering those words daily and I feel like I’m doing a good job at making them me. Especially, Time. I have spent a significantly smaller amount of time on things that don’t matter and so much more time really engaging with my sons and husband. It sounds silly and I’m kind of embarrassed to say it, but I have learned so much more about these boys. My relationship with them has grown and my life just feels better, more balanced and purposeful. Its incredible.
- No lies, the first few weeks of January were awful for my brain and heart. The anxiety I felt on top of my already raging postpartum anxiety and depression was crippling. I can’t even count how many times I had full on mental breakdowns. My house suffered tremendously because of it and when my house is messy, often times my brain is too. It was a vicious cycle that seemed kind of unbeatable at times. I felt so helpless and exhausted about quite a few things. Every day seemed like a challenge and my heart could barely handle it all.
- I’ve been having some body image issues. I gained a little weight while pregnant with E and I hate that it isn’t just magically gone somehow. I went through a little phase of time where I hated seeing myself in the mirror because all I saw was access weight.
ON MY BRAIN
- Our sweet Prophet, Thomas S. Monson passed away this month. Of course its sad, but thinking of his reunion with his sweet wife in heaven…oh man, the thought still just gets to me.
- We kind of attempted to start potty training. Some days H seemed so into it and others not at all. I don’t know what to do at this point? He’s kind of young for this (i think? – he’s 26 months) so I’m not necessarily pushing it.. But if he’s interested then maybe its best to pursue this? I don’t know. Its all just weird to me. How do I have a kid old enough to do this? Also, potty training a boy… its dangerous. #alwaysaimdown
- My little sister is on Drill Team and they had Regions at her school and I was able to go. She was so good and her team did awesome! Also, I cried through each of her dances and the Drill Down. I’m quite a bit older than my sisters and the age gap kind of makes me feel like they are my own kids at times and I was so stinkin’ proud of her!!
- We did not get enough snow this month. Not at all. Like, where is it?
- I finally got new pictures for our home that included little E. It made our home feel so much more complete and exciting! There is something about pictures throughout my house of my cute family that just make my heart all warm and fuzzy.
I am so excited for 2018. There is no real reason why, I just think I like the thrill of a new year. A fresh start of sorts. I’ve been working on my list of New Years Resolutions for the past couple months now and all the while have been trying to settle on my word for 2018 as well. I would get a good list going of creative words that I felt good about, but I always had the same word planted in the back of my mind during this whole decision making process. The reason I didn’t want to pick it though is because…it was the same word as I had picked for 2017. How boring and lame would it be to repeat the word? However, I pretty much focused on that word for January and February of 2017 then forgot all about it. In fact it wasn’t until a few days ago that I finally went back to my 2017 Resolution list that I even realized the word I was pretty sure I’d pick for 2018 was the same word I’d chosen for 2017. So I kept on searching for a new word and actually found two more I really loved, but I still couldn’t shake that original word. So I decided to mix it up a bit this year. Instead of one word for 2018, I have three. (the first is my original word)
KIND, BRAVE and TIME.
Kind: Heaven knows the world could use more kindness – why not try and put a little more into my small corner of the world? I have always felt a particular pull to this word. I want to be genuinely kind, always – or as much as possible. I want it to be real, too. It is easy to act kind on the outside but have a very different mindset on the inside. I want to have kind thoughts and kind words and deeds. I know very well this won’t happen overnight and will take practice and may be something I never truly master, but I do know I’m very capable of at least getting better at it. I want to be one of those people who everyone feels comfortable talking to and turning to because I am kind, gentle and loving. I know I’m not the funniest person, I’m not the most creative person, I’m not the wittiest person or most social person and I’m like 99% sure I never will be. But I can be one of the kindest people. I want to see the good in others, give people the benefit of the doubt, love unconditionally, be more charitable and give much, much more service. I want to be Christlike and be a light in others lives. I want to leave people feeling better than they did before.
Brave: This is definitely the scariest word for me. I am not very brave at all in any aspect of my life. I’m not saying I want to be brave in that I’m going to go hike to the top of Angels Landing and look over the edge (oh sheesh I just spiked my anxiety just typing that) because that is not going to happen. I want to be brave in my words and actions involving my family. I want to be better at standing up for myself. I want to be better at speaking my mind. I want to be better at not making it my life mission to avoid any and all confrontation. Stuff like that, you know? I’m getting antsy even thinking of potential scenarios…but I also know how life changing it could be for me even if I just improve a little bit. In 2018 I want to be braver than I’ve ever been.
Time: As I’ve reflected back on 2017 I noticed that the majority of my mom-guilt came from feeling like I didn’t manage my time well enough to give my kids, husband and even myself the best life I can provide. I am not good at time management and I probably never have been. But thats going to change this year. The priority for me is making sure my time is spent nurturing my children and creating a home that is a safe place for our family. I want to spend less time on my phone and on social media and reading blogs and more time on the floor playing with blocks, identifying shapes and colors and changing diapers while having funny conversations with my toddler and exchanging coos with my newborn. I want to be actively involved in conversation with my husband and be a sounding board for him when he comes home from work. I want to spend more time in the kitchen making meals and less time on the couch in front of the tv (but don’t worry, I’ll still make sure I save some time for tv because I’ve got to be me!) I am going to spend time tidying up the house and making it a place where you can have a clear head and less time doing something useless and letting things pile up on the floor and counter, creating a frustrating environment. My time is going to be much more well spent and my whole families life is going to benefit from this.
2017 was wonderful. I loved it, I really did, but I am so excited for this new year. Hello, 2018! I’m ready for you. Lets do this.
Happy New Year!