Pray. Say thank you. 

I woke up with my husband this morning – which is code for: I woke up really early this morning. Like 5 or something gross like that. Of course, he didn’t know I woke up because I laid there with my eyes closed trying desperately to fall back asleep. I’m almost 35 weeks pregnant, so it’s no surprise that I didn’t have a great night of sleep last night. Our sweet little H who has been struggling to sleep all night lately laid beside me sleeping soundly and I was jealous. He looked so relaxed. So I tried really, really hard to fall back asleep. But every time I felt like I was at the brink of sleep, something would wake me up again. A movement from H, a sound from Wild Man out in the kitchen, a wiggle from baby boy, a sharp pain in my hip or another charlie horse in my leg. It was weird. It was like everything but my own brain was telling me to stay awake. 

I heard Wild Man leave and I could hear the dog adjust in her kennel out in the living room. Then there was silence. I laid in our dark room with my eyes open just wishing I was asleep. There seemed to be absolutely no reason to be awake at such an early hour. Then, what felt like out of nowhere I had a thought pop into my head: Pray. Say thank you. 

I’m a little bit embarrassed to say I didn’t immediately start a prayer. H was wiggling around and I was watching his funny little sleeping faces. Baby boy was also wiggling and I was trying to figure out what body part it was I could feel. I knew I should pray, but I guess in my mind I thought it could wait so I brushed it off. Both of my boys settled again and as I sat in the stillness and quiet and looked at H’s perfect little face I heard it run through my mind again: Pray! Say thank you! This time the thought was accompanied with a realization that it is because of Heavenly Father, who I pray to, that I have my sweet, healthy, almost two year old, my wiggly baby boy in my stomach and an incredible husband. I knew exactly what I was supposed to say thank you for now. 

I didn’t even sit up or kneel. I stayed in the same position in bed with my toddlers left arm draped over my face and his feet tucked under my belly. I closed my eyes and said a prayer in my mind. I thanked Heavenly Father for my many, many blessings – especially for my wonderful family. It wasn’t a long prayer and it didn’t feel particularly powerful. When I finished it, I didn’t feel as if I’d had some incredible experience. But as I sat there I came to realize I was feeling something I haven’t really felt the past week. 

I felt peace

I’m not sure what it’s been about the past little while in my life, but it’s been hard for me not to feel overwhelmed, inadequate or like I’m doing my role as a wife and mother. I have been easily upset at myself, I’ve been impatient, emotional and feeling very off. It’s been a struggle. I have a lot of craziness running through me, likely since I’ll be having a baby soon – but I felt like there was even more to it. I was a mess and my mind was a mess and (a lot like my house, lately) I couldn’t get it cleaned up and organized which just caused me to feel less and less peaceful and…ok. 

My shoulders felt a little lighter after this prayer. I felt like the elephant that’s been crushing my chest lately was gone – or at least less paralyzing – and I could feel my regular happiness starting to familiarize itself with my body again. That’s when I realized that this whole time I’ve been feeling miserable for myself, I’d been praying the whole time, but I was always asking for things. I was asking for help. Begging for relief. For things to go my way.  Complaining and venting. But I never stopped to take the time to pray about what was going right – what I was thankful for. It hit me like a ton of bricks. THATS why I was feeling off and that’s why my life seemed as if it had a little extra level of difficulty to it that I couldn’t figure out how to effectively combat. I wasn’t thanking Heavenly Father for my blessings! 

The sun hasn’t even come up yet. It’s not even 7 in the morning yet. Who knows if I’ll fall back asleep this morning or not. But I am grateful I woke up at 5am this morning (NEVER thought I’d say that) and they I finally said a prayer of thanks. I hope it has set the tone for my day. I hope this can be what flips this weird month around for me. I hope I will remember this experience and not go so long without being thankful for my blessings. I feel so good. I feel so light and happy. I feel like I was a dead battery and am now fully charged and ready to go. My mind is much clearer. 

It’s funny how the Lord works sometimes. But it’s always in the most perfect way for our individual needs. He answers prayers in His own way and His own timing and it’s always just what we need. 

Now let’s hope that with all this newfound light and clarity, my body and house can get on board 😉 

xoxo

ceeceesparkles 

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How I Deal With a Bad Day

This morning was one of those days where I learned very quickly after waking up that I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, wasn’t feeling well and was just feeling off. I’m sure it had nothing to do with the fact that my almost two year old refuses to sleep in his crib lately (only wants mom and dads bed) and doesn’t fall asleep until waaaaaay past his bedtime, has a cold so he wakes up lots in the middle of the night – which in turn wakes me up – and that I am almost 8 months pregnant. Couldn’t be that right? 😉

I didn’t want to get out of bed. Thankfully the dog slept in for a while so I didn’t have to get up to take her outside as early as I usually do so I just laid in bed with H for a whole extra hour until he was finally so sick of just laying there that he insisted we get up. I grouchily got out of bed and threw some clothes on that I pulled out of my dirty clothes hamper. We did our little morning routine and I was very much not myself and wasn’t very patient with myself, my son or the dog. I looked at the clock and it was 9:15am and I realized that I already felt like my day was ‘ruined.’ I hated that. I didn’t want the morning to set the tone of the rest of my day. H was being sweet and happy and the dog was actually being really obedient. There was no one to blame for my grumpy attitude except for myself. So I made the decision while we ate breakfast that I was going to actively change my day and *hopefully* my mood, also. I went to bed last night with a lot of mom/wife guilt and I didn’t want to do that again tonight.

Whenever I feel bummed out like that I typically try to change the day around. I believe I’m in control of my own attitude and thats a very powerful tool I have. Sometimes I try harder than others to make the day good, but on the days I really do try, there is a difference and I find that as I lay in bed that night I’m proud of myself and the effort I put forth.

This is how I combat a bad day. Like I said, sometimes it works a lot better than other times – but thankfully today its worked pretty well. Of course its only 1:30pm so theres still a lot of day left, but I’m determined to keep on being persistent in making sure I make this a much better day than it started.

  • Get dressed and put on make up. If I am in an actual outfit (not pajamas, sweats or leggings and a giant t-shirt) I feel better about myself. When I wear make up I am almost always in a better mood. When I allow myself to be so lazy that I skip both of these steps in the morning I typically realize that I’m a little less happy that day. Today I threw on a comfy maternity dress, put on a full but simple face of makeup and worked on a new top knot and it was the start of something good, for sure.
  • Make the bed. I don’t even know why, but a bed thats made just make you happier. Even if you didn’t make it until noon.
  • Count my blessings. This one really helped me out this morning. I especially focused on my sweet husband and son. I sent a text to Wild Man thanking him for all he does for our family and I talked to H about how much I love him. It filled my heart with gratitude and gave me something else to think about besides how tired, annoyed and grouchy I was.
  • Eat a treat. I don’t care what time it is. Its never too early for a treat. Treats help. They make me happier so its 100% justifiable to me and I will stick by that. This morning I had a piece of licorice and laugh all you want, it played a significant role in turning my mood.
  • Read a scripture or two. Sometimes you happen upon that verse that you feel like was written just for you. Thats one of the most amazing ways to feel God’s love for you. Even if it doesn’t speak to you so powerfully, its a nice reminder of something to strive towards or internalize and really ponder throughout your day.
  • Pray. Duh. It always helps. Our prayers are heard and we can be comforted, guided and blessed through it.
  • Do what makes me happy. The #1 thing that makes me the happiest right now is spending time with H and Wild Man. Uninterrupted time with my boys is the most powerful form of therapy for me. Since Wild Man is at work, I sat with H in his room. We talked, read books and played with cars. I laughed at his funny little mannerisms and unique characteristics. He gave me random hugs and would sit on my lap and lay his head on my chest. He’d laugh at the silliest of things. It lifted my heart in a way nothing else could have.
  • Clean. A clean house does wonders for the soul. I think clearer. I feel happier. My load is lighter. Its a sure way to perk me up when I’m feeling down.
  • If the motivation to do so is lacking – push yourself. This is what I struggle with the very most. Its so easy for motivation to straighten my home to fly out the window on days I feel like this. I’ve found that on the days I physically make myself buck up and get housework done I always end up feeling better, lighter, cleaner, prouder and I just feel better because my house no longer looks like a bomb went off in it.
  • Let it out. Its never healthy to keep thoughts and feelings inside. Eventually they explode out in a very exhausting way (for me) and I find myself wishing I would have voiced things as they were happening instead of when there was too much to process anymore and it causes me to just lay in bed and cry. (i’m not the only one this dramatic, right? right?) Even if its just sending a quick text to your spouse telling them why you’re frustrated or emotional – it helps! Just don’t keep it in. It always makes it worse. At least in my experience…
  • Take a nap. If I’m ever given the opportunity to nap – I will! I know naps aren’t meant for everyone. Wild Man swears naps make him wake up groggier and crankier. So obviously for him naps are not the answer. But naps for me are PHENOMENAL. Even when I’m not huge and pregnant naps are so healing for me. They don’t have to be super long even. Sometimes its just nice to completely turn off for a bit.
  • Get outside. Some fresh air is really as therapeutic and healing as everyone says! Its a change of scenery and a change of perspective.
  • Give service. We’ve all heard how the best way to be happier is to forget yourself and serve someone else, right? It sounds like a lot of work but its absolutely the truth. Service makes you feel better.
  • Give yourself time and patience. We can’t always be happy and on top of our game. I think its important to recognize that life can’t always be perfect and carefree, full of smiles. Its ok to have a bad day or feel different sometimes. Its just part of the journey. I love myself more when I allow myself to feel and to understand that its not a bad thing to be sad or feel off. It is perfectly normal to have our emotions change!

xoxo

ceeceesparkles

October So Far

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Oh wow. Just like that its October 10th. Where the heck does time go? I have been really slacking on this blogging thing. I’ve even scheduled out time for myself to sit down and blog after H has gone to bed but I somehow always decide that taking a bath, eating ice cream or just going to bed myself is a better option. I want to be a more dedicated blogger. Remember when I used to blog almost daily?? Where’d that girl go? cause she sure isn’t here anymore! I kind of feel like its been good for me, too. For a while my blog probably took priority over things that it shouldn’t have. I’ve been able to find a better balance of when to blog and when to be a wife/mom and productive human. Will I blog better now? I make no guarantees. Hopefully October will pop out a few more posts. November will probably have a few but once baby is born (because I’M DUE NEXT MONTH!) I highly doubt that I’ll be very consistent. I have plans for some fun Christmas/wintery posts for December but we’ll see if those happen or not. Basically what I’m saying is I still love blogging but I’ll do it when I have time.

Even though my last post was a GBOMB I still feel like I have several recent updates. So I guess this post is now turning into a bullet point list talking about things that have happened to us so far this month.. Basically a GBOMB a few weeks early I guess.

  • We watched General Conference (and i was able to take notes on every speaker because H was being an angel baby!) at my parents beautiful condo in Eden, Utah. It was a perfect, relaxing weekend and it was a recharge I didn’t even know I was so terribly in need of.
  • Baby is no longer breech!! Also, I’m 34 weeks pregnant (yesterday).
  • I’ve been bit by the holiday baking bug. Have I actually baked much yet? No. Just some pumpkin chocolate chip bread and a cake – but I have lots of plans for upcoming treats to bake during the next couple of months.
  • October means I can now say I am due next month!! I am so stinkin’ excited. I actually feel a lot more prepared for his arrival than I thought I would. That worries me a little to be honest because theres no way I’m completely ready a whole month in advance, right? I have to be forgetting something – don’t I? But then why can’t I think of what that is?
  • Our cute puppy got spayed and I had high hopes that she’d be lazy and out of it for a few days. No. She was out the day we brought her home and was back to her usual hyper, crazed self the very next day. Darn.
  • H and I have both been battling colds. Never fun. But next week we have big, exciting plans so I’m glad we’re getting this over with before then. Assuming that the colds will actually be gone by then!
  • Our nephew was baptized and our niece was blessed. Those are two ordinances that I’m always particularly excited about. They’re so special and exciting and help remind me of the blessings and promises I have been given.
  • H is talking SO much more lately. Its so much fun and so cute to see how he pronounces words.
  • We decorated for Halloween and it literally made me emotional. I LOVE the holiday seasons. October through December are the. best. ever.

xoxo

ceeceesparkles

24 Week Update

Just like that I’m 24 (actually closer to 25) weeks pregnant! This pregnancy is flying. I’m assuming things will start slowing down once I get closer to my due date, but as of right now I feel like November is going to be here after just a few more blinks. I think I’ve said this before, but I’m really torn on how excited I am for November. Obviously I’m thrilled because November is baby time – but its also the month H was born which means he’ll be turning TWO! What? I’m going to have a two year old? We’re stopping there. I can’t dwell on that too much.

On Monday I had my 24 week appointment and everything is looking, sounding and feeling great and Baby Boy is doing awesome. The results of our big 22 week ultrasound came back and all is well. Again, I was nervous because with H’s 22 week appointment they found that there was a possible issue with his kidneys so I had to get another ultrasound at 30 weeks to just ensure everything was fine. And everything was fine, thankfully, but those were a lot of weeks to sit and worry about my baby. I really was hoping I wouldn’t have to do that again this time around – and thankfully we don’t have to.

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Now on to the bullet points

  • I’m going to start with this. In a couple weeks I’m taking my final glucose test to see if I have gestational diabetes (i had it with my 1st) and even though people are being so kind and sending tons of positive vibes, I am terrified that I have it. My levels haven’t been super this pregnancy but not bad enough to be diagnosed. So I’ll keep my fingers tightly crossed until I know for sure. Wish me luck.
  • I’ve started feeling really heavy lately. My belly must be really growing because I feel like if I’m not careful I’m going to just tip over and fall on my face – which can’t be good for me or baby.
  • A few weeks ago I did something to a stomach muscle and its been feeling pretty awful ever since. My doctor said that unfortunately there weren’t great chances of it healing before baby is born since my stomach muscles are thinning and aren’t very strong (were they ever?) so I’m gearing up to feel this the rest of my pregnancy. I also found a fancy, supposedly really amazing belt/band thing thats supposed to help a lot and also help my back pain. I have high hopes.
  • This isn’t new news, but my body still kills. Nothing has helped so far.
  • I’m still sick, but still doing way better than my first pregnancy. I haven’t put on much weight, but if you compared my numbers this time to last time, you’d be giving me a standing ovation.
  • H has started noticing that my belly is getting big. Sometimes he’ll come up to me and just pat it or lay his head on it. I know he’s too young to understand he’s got a little brother in there but it still makes me excited (and sometimes a little emotional). The best is when Baby Brother kicks back when H pats my belly. I hope they’re such good friends.

xoxo

ceeceesparkles

My Little Boy

I have been hit pretty aggressively with the realization that we are down to just a few months of having just one child. Our sweet baby H. The perfect little bundle of joy who made us parents and introduced us to a happiness and overwhelming feeling of pride we never could have known if it weren’t for him. 

My heart is feeling torn in so many different directions. Of course I am beyond thrilled to have our second little boy in November. I’ve dreamt my whole life of having several kids and that’s still my dream! I am so excited to see H become a big brother and to finally meet this little brother of his. I am so anxious to see his face, to learn his personality and to soak all of him in. I actually feel more excited this time around, probably because this time I’m not so clueless. I know how special my children are now. I know how much I love them and how much I love being a mom. I can’t let myself dwell too much on this or else I turn into an emotional puddle. 

But then there is the part of me that knows how much H’s world is going to be rocked. Life as he knows it is going to drastically change and a part of me, in a weird way, feels a little bit guilty. People who often joke about how H is going to be second place, etc certainly don’t help the way I feel either. He is very accustomed to being the one and only. He’s used to undivided attention and snuggles on demand. I know it’s good for him to learn that the world in fact doesn’t revolve around him…but there’s still guilt!! 

I hope he can figure out quickly that he’s still so loved. Our love isn’t going to lessen for him even in the slightest. In fact I’ve heard the love we have for him will even grow! Our hearts are just going to get bigger so we can have the same amount of love for little brother! I hope he sees that he’s still our world, our joy and our tiny best buddy. Because he is – he always will be!

I know that especially once the baby is here I will feel differently. I’ll just know our new family of four is perfect and meant to be. I know that now, come to think of it – I’m just.. I don’t know. Am I even making sense or do I just sound crazy? I am so in love with this crazy 20 month old and I want him to never feel that his value has decreased just because another baby joined our family. It’s giving me so many emotions I honestly wasn’t anticipating. It’s funny how I am so far past elated for this new addition but at the same time feel a tinge of guilt. 

Please tell me I’m not the only one who’s ever felt like this? Also please tell me it’s just hormones or a phase or something and I’ll get over this before November?!

xoxo

ceeceesparkles 

Back to Me!

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Finally at 22 weeks pregnant I am feeling almost 100% myself, again and I want to shout this good news from the rooftops! When I got pregnant with H, though I was really sick, I still felt *normal* as I could. I was able to get things done, I was able to find motivation even if it was just in small bursts, I was still myself more or less. But this time around it took me so long to feel that way. Like I said, I’m still not 100% but I can see and feel the changes finally. I’m able to keep the house clean, stay on top of laundry and do the dishes regularly. I can put effort into dinner again. I just feel so much better. So much more me!

This all came at the perfect time really because this past week poor H has been the sickest I’ve seen him. He got hit with a nasty bout of diarrhea and then also started throwing up. Just when I think he may be on the mend he has another yucky diaper or throws up again. Its kind of heart breaking. Seeing him laying on the couch for hours at a time just watching movies is sweet but also really sad. But thankfully now that I’m able to be motivated I’m able to keep up on the dirty laundry this poor sick boy has created in ever growing piles. I’m able to keep his room and bed (ohhh the messes that have happened in his crib) clean and sanitized and feel like I’m doing all that I can and should be doing to hopefully help him along the road to recovery. Its a good feeling – feeling like I’m able to give my all to being the best mom I know how to be to my more than deserving little guy.

I know this is a short, random little post. But I’m feeling really jazzed about feeling good. And really hoping H can join me soon in this feeling good party. ::fingers crossed::

xoxo

ceeceesparkles

 

20/21 Weeks

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I wanted to do this post on the day I hit 20 weeks pregnant, but big shocker – I spaced it. I am now 21 and a half weeks along but I figure the updates are still pretty much the same as they were last week so this will have to do. I swear one of these days I’m going to get my life back on track and post more regularly and not always be so jumbled, but today is still not that day.

20/21 WEEK PREGNANCY UPDATE

  • I feel better this time around. I’m still sick and throwing up but not nearly as often as I did with my first pregnancy. I feel like I can comfortably eat more and have a higher chance of it sitting well.
  • I have got more energy the last few weeks and I have never been so thankful!
  • Baby Boy is a wiggler just like his big brother was. I started feeling him move frequently at about 19 weeks and he hasn’t really stopped since. Its still not quite strong enough to feel with your hand from the outside, but I do feel it all. the. time. on the inside. I think thats my very favorite part of being pregnant is being able to feel the little miracle moving around inside of you.
  • My body hurts more this time. The pain started quicker and is quite a bit stronger. I went to the chiropractor not long ago and he told me my body was holding myself as if I was 30+ weeks pregnant. My sciatic pain is pretty intense and my back and hips are aching almost constantly. I had all this with H, too, but I swear it started a little later.
  • Baby Boy has strong genes from my family, just like H. What this means is he’s got a big ol’ head. It is measuring farther ahead than the rest of his body, which is also what H did. What can I say, my family makes big headed babies!
  • I’m finally starting to feel more like myself. It took me a long time to feel ‘normal’ again after getting pregnant. I was so sluggish and it was almost impossible for me to find motivation to do my usual housewife tasks. It was really frustrating and led to a lot of feelings of guilt, failure and self doubt, but I’m really happy to say that I feel like just this week I’m getting things back under control and finding myself and will be able to easier be a normal human being.

xoxo

ceeceesparkles