September brought all the emotions, all the feelings and all the thoughts, stress and smiles. This month had it all, folks. I had a lot of self realization happen. I was able to break out (a little bit) of my shell. I’ve felt braver. I’ve felt more vulnerable. I’ve felt terrified and unqualified – and so, so much more. As I’m sitting here writing out the goods, the bads and the on my minds it probably doesn’t sound like a ton but it was a crazy month for me – especially in my brain. And I needed that. So was September hard sometimes? Yep. But it was also really good and I learned a lot. And wow did my pregnancy hormones take me for a ride…
- Fall started!
- I got a new phone. I didn’t think I’d be as excited as I am. I had the 6 Plus and now I have the 7 Plus. The camera is incredible and its fast and dependable. I am so happy about this upgrade.
- I’ve been on a mission to find a drugstore foundation that I like and finally after 5 or 6 different products, I have found one! I hate to be that girl…but I’m not telling you what it is yet because I’m going to be doing a post on the whole ordeal. But guys. I’m really excited about it. I was about to believe that drugstore foundations and me just didn’t mix.
- Confrontation and saying no and putting my feelings first is reeeeeeeeeeeally hard for me. It gives me the worst anxiety and just ask Wild Man, if I even have to consider saying something to someone that may hurt their feelings I have full on breakdowns. BUT I have made a tiny (probably incredibly tiny) bit of progress this month! Even a small victory in this department is a huge deal to me because this scares the HECK out of me.
- Along with the bullet point above, I’m learning and realizing its important to put myself first and it doesn’t make me selfish and I shouldn’t feel guilty about that.
- It was a painful month. This pregnancy is doing a number on my body. I have SPD and thats the trickiest, hardest part for sure. My hips, legs, back and pelvic area are in excruciating pain like 99% of the time. I try really, really hard not to whine about it but sometimes its awful – especially at night.
- I have had approximately 10,000 emotional breakdowns this month. Half the time I don’t even know why they’re happening. Its exhausting and has given me some killer headaches.
- Baby Boy is breach right now. Maybe he’ll flip and get in the right position and all will be well inside my chaotic brain. Or maybe he won’t and I’ll either have to have him moved while he’s still in my belly and if that doesn’t work have a c-section. This isn’t really a bad thing, but its not necessarily what anyone plans for so I’m still wrapping my brain around the fact that it could happen. Mostly I just wish he’d flip. His head in my ribcage is actually pretty painful. But he’ll do what he wants and I’ll do whatever it takes to get him here in the safest route for him.
ON MY BRAIN
- The pre-baby worry is setting in. Does that surprise you? It shouldn’t. I’m starting to worry that I’ll forget something when we get to the hospital, I’m worried I think that I have everything I need for baby but then I’ll realize I’ve forgotten something pretty big. I’m worried about all the scary things that could happen during birth that I choose not to think much more about. I’m nervous I’ll take forever to figure out how to equally divide my time between H and baby boy and that one will feel a little more neglected than the other. I’m worried that H will take the change really hard and I won’t know how to help him like I should. Just all the worries.
- I started using Instagram Stories and I’m still deciding how I like it. I still use Snapchat and I probably still use it more than Instagram. The filters definitely aren’t as good on Instagram – there is a dog filter but when you open your mouth a tongue doesn’t hang out and H is highly disappointed in that. I don’t actually mind posting stories on Instagram, I think the thing thats most troubling to me is that its highly overwhelming to watch everyone else’s stories. I follow a few like 800 people or something – its 100% impossible to watch everyones stories. Thats hard for me.
- We are coming up on busy season in my family. In September my sister, two nephews and a very close cousin had birthdays. In October we have a big fun trip, my moms birthday and Halloween. In November we have our anniversary, my dads birthday, a nieces birthday, H’s birthday, my due date and Thanksgiving. In December we have my sisters birthday, my birthday, Christmas and a brother in laws birthday. Busy, busy. But also my favorite time of year.
What a good and exhausting month! This month has left me feeling refreshed and so tired all at the same time – which I’m guessing is the sign of a good, memorable month..
Lets get into it, shall we?
- We had a really fun 4th of July party with Wild Man’s family and my family. It went so smoothly, the food was delicious and it was so relaxing and rejuvenating.
- Our puppy is doing actually really well! Training isn’t perfect yet, but she’s picking up on things SO fast! Best of all, she and H are seriously the best of friends and she is so patient and loving with him.
- I had my big 22 week ultrasound this month. Its always so much fun to get a little peek at your sweet baby. Everything is looking perfect and he’s measuring and developing just how he should. It makes me really grateful. The whole drive over to the ultrasound place I was in constant prayer just begging for everything to look good and when we saw that he is perfect I was flooded with gratitude and a calmness I didn’t so much have before.
- H has started racing and its the best thing. He’ll stand against the wall and give us this look which we know means we need to say “on your mark, get set, go!” then he runs as fast as he can to us with the biggest grin on his face.
- We toured the new MTC (missionary training center) and it was incredible. The art and quotes on the wall were really inspiring and moving. It was especially neat to hear Wild Man and his brothers talk about how the new MTC compared to the old one. It was a very cool experience and I highly suggest you get tickets to tour it too!
- Poor H went about 2 weeks not feeling well at all. It seemed like we could hardly go an hour without diarrhea or throw up and it felt like it was never going to end. Luckily he was still able to mostly act himself unless some bodily thing was about to happen. It was sad to witness. I know its cliche to say you wish you could have a sickness instead of your child, but its true. Its hard seeing those sweet things feel sick.
- I’m not sure what I did but I think I pulled a muscle or something in my stomach at the end of the month. Its so achey that its become a constant pain and is making taking deep breaths really, really hard. Lifting even light things is a bit more of a struggle and there is no comfortable position I’ve found so far that makes it feel ok.
- Why is church so hard again? I felt like we finally had a system down that worked and H was decently behaved and I didn’t feel like having an emotional breakdown while there, but then all the sudden everything has changed. We sit down in Sacrament Meeting and almost instantly H loses it and there is NO way to make him happy. It is a long, long hour. Thankfully he still is loving nursery.
ON MY BRAIN
- My mom and one of my sisters went to the D23 Expo this month (a big fancy, exclusive Disney exposition) and it was a really long week for me. I know I could have gone but opted to stay home to be a mom. Decisions like that are tough sometimes. But they had an amazing time, learned many really neat things and had some phenomenal experiences. Maybe I can join them for the next one!
- Can dogs tell if you’re pregnant? I swear our dog knows. She treats my belly different. That sounds weird – but I really think she knows theres a little tiny human in there.
- Our laundry room is odd. Its this huge, weirdly empty space besides the washer and dryer. This month we have been slowly making it a better space. We painted a wall, my sisters doing some amazing Up artwork on it, we are putting in a nice soaker sink, some cupboards and places to hang laundry and put in new baseboards. I know its just a laundry room but I’m really excited to see it all finished. Its also made me really gung-ho about personalizing the other spaces in our house I’m not crazy about. Something amazing about being a home owner is that there aren’t really rules. We have the creative freedom to make the space exactly how we’d like it. Its exciting and has my creative wheels spinning.
- I’ve been extra mindful of the gratitude I have for my family this month. There have been a few personal things that have happened recently that have made me realize I need to not take family for granted. Not just my husband and sons, but my own family and Wild Man’s family. I’m really lucky to be surrounded by amazing, supportive, happy people. I genuinely love every member of my family – immediate and extended. How many people can say that and really mean it??
June was so good to me. It was busy and a little overwhelming and stressful, but what month isn’t?
- We found out this baby is a BOY! I always said I was fine with a boy or girl, but after we saw that he was a boy I felt so relieved I guess? I think I secretly hoped it was a boy. A brother for H sounds so exciting and fun and I really can’t wait to watch these two grow up together.
- Wild Man had his birthday and we had his annual big pool party at my parents which was a blast. The weather was great, the company was lovely and I always love when people celebrate Wild Man because he really is one of the best, most selfless, friendly people that deserves love and attention.
- We got a puppy! She’s a black lab that is keeping us busy and also driving us a little bit crazy, but we have high hopes for her and are excited that we finally got our family pet!
- H has his molars and it has opened up a whole new world for us. I trust him so much more with food that scared me to give him a month ago and he is loving not having to chew with his front teeth anymore.
- We started up Mom and Baby Swim Parties again for the summer! This is where a bunch of my friends and their babies come to my parents pool. We swim, eat snacks. socialize (and in last weeks case get crazy sunburned) and its really fun and something I really look forward to. The kids have fun but I think its especially great for the moms.
- I’ve been feeling quite a bit more healthy this month! I’m still sick and throwing up, but I feel like its a lot more manageable and I’ve got some more of my energy back so I’m acting a little more human and its incredible.
- H has figured out the beauty of sleeping in. I’m not sure if I’ve ever been more proud of my boy.
- My grandparents from Idaho came down for a quick visit and we had a little reunion/surprise birthday party for my grandpa at my parents pool and it was so much fun. It lasted all day and every second was so enjoyable.
- H got his first haircut. If it even counts as a haircut. He just had a few spots that grow a lot quicker than other spots, but it made such a big difference and he was SO good during the process!
- H had his first wake-up-covered-in-his-own-poop experience. I’ll spare you details. Just know it was gross and I’d really be ok if we wait a long time before that happens again.
- We got a puppy! I mean, its not bad that we got a puppy but its just…hard. She bites everything all. the. time. And her favorite thing to bite is H – NOT ok! She’s actually caught on to potty training, sleeping in her crate and doesn’t bark very often so thats really nice. But ohhhhhhh the biting. Also sometimes I wonder why I thought it’d be so easy to take on a one year old, a puppy and be pregnant.
- My sciatic pain and hip and back pain have suddenly gone from bad to worse. I hobble like a little old lady and the shooting pain that I get is so terrible. I went to the chiropractor and thankfully had a few days of sweet relief. I can’t wait to go back.
ON MY BRAIN
- I am so glad that I have clients that come to my spa that recognize that I’m a mom and a sick pregnant lady so when I have to reschedule they are so understanding and patient with me. I try not to do it often, but when I do I’ve been met with kindness 99.9% of the time and I’m so thankful for this. People are good.
- I recently found a girl I kind of knew growing up on social media and started following her and then had to stop very soon after. She was so awful and it made me sad. Nearly everything on her social media pages were her bashing on women for their success, claiming they didn’t do anything to deserve it, dragging them down because of their looks and stuff like that. I don’t actually want to get it on it because it kind of infuriates me but it just made me sad! I so wish people could just be happy for other people! Can you even imagine how much kinder the world would be if we were happy for people and their success? If someone is doing what makes them happy we should respect that and be happy for them – not tear them down.
- A few days ago H had my phone and someone sent my Relief Society President the emoji of a hand flipping the bird. Luckily she thought it was a pointer finger – but I can’t quit thinking about how awkward that was.
- Guardians of the Galaxy Mission Breakout has still not been ridden by me in California Adventure and this is a tragedy. I think about this multiple times a day.
- What did I wear last time I was pregnant because I hate everything I put on my body right now. I need a new wardrobe, stat. If you have great maternity clothing suggestions PLEASE send them my way.
- I’m getting a Prenatal Massage soon and all I’m saying is it better live up to my high expectations I have for it. I have been dreaming of this since the day I found out I was pregnant. So no pressure to whoever my massage therapist is.
March has been a breath of fresh air. Oh, glorious March. Yes, there has still been a lot of weird, hard stuff but somehow this month I’ve been much better at clearing my head, calming myself down, embracing the moment (not trying to change it) and trusting that everything happens for a reason that will benefit me. Is it sad that sometimes I forget that I get to choose my attitude and my attitude decides how my day will go 99% of the time? Anyway, lets get on with this. (once again, thanks Danica for encouraging people to do GBOMB – its been the best thing for me)
- We have spent so much time outside this month because this weather is incredible. Its funny because I’ve always loved the cold months and bundling up and staying inside where its warm and cozy, but since having a child who adores going outside, I have realized that I got a little bit of the winter blues this year. I was so, so ready for warm weather so H and I could play outside and get a change of scenery. Our favorite thing has been to go to nearby parks and spend a few hours. H just explores, touches everything, gets real dirty and lets his curiosity run wild and I happily follow along and really wish I was able to know what he was thinking.
- H isn’t teething nearly as badly anymore so we have a much more happy, much more ‘himself’ baby back and we are very glad about this!
- Picnics! I forgot how fun it is to pack a lunch and eat outside. Why is that so magical?
- We went to the zoo a few weeks ago and we’re still on a high from it (or at least I am). I knew H would love seeing all the animals (or, dogs, as he called most of them) but I didn’t know just how much he would. I can’t say enough what a perfect day it turned out to be and I’m so glad Wild Man had the idea to get out of the house and go do something different than we normally do.
- Our cousin had a sweet baby girl in March and we got to meet her before she was even 2 weeks old. There is something so special about a newborn. They are literally fresh from heaven and have the sweetest, most peaceful spirit about them. I held her for quite a while and every second was bliss. If anyone has a newborn they would like me to hold, I will gladly oblige.
- Pirates of the Caribbean celebrated 50 years on March 18th and I was literally heartbroken that I wasn’t in Disneyland to take part in the special events, special food and to go on the ride. I know the line was like 70 years long, but it would have been worth it to me to have been able to ride such a great, iconic Disney ride on its anniversary.
- My motivation to keep my house clean is gone. Where’d it go? Who knows? I clean my house but do so with the worst attitude and battle my thoughts the whole time about things that I’d rather be doing. It also is hard to clean the house though when you practically live outside with your adventure-son. So I don’t feel too guilty because we’re making memories instead.
- Freaking bugs. The weather is getting warmer and bugs have the NERVE to come into my house! Ugh. I hate bugs with all of my heart. There have been so many spiders in my house lately and this is NOT OK!
- Isn’t in so annoying how people want to get all up in your business and find out all your secrets then go spread them? This is very vague I know. Sorry. But lets just say we had something happen and some people have shown their true colors in that there was a long period of time where they wouldn’t leave me alone, asking over and over about the ‘thing’. A few did find out (not through me!) and I’m like 99% sure they went and spread the news. If it doesn’t directly affect you, ITS NOT YOUR BUSINESS TO KNOW OR GOSSIP TO SPREAD.
ON MY BRAIN
- General Conference is SO SOON and I’m freaking out – in a good way. I love General Conference! I feel really ready for it. There aren’t any real specific questions I have going into it yet (i’m hoping to pick 2-3 soon) but I’m so excited to just sit, listen and take notes and hear things that are being said for my benefit. I’m excited to set new goals because of the talks I heard during these sessions. I’m so pumped for that spiritual, exciting, junk food filled weekend.
- Family is so important. And I am so grateful for mine.
- On most Mondays on my blog I post a Magical Monday. Its just a blog post about Disney. Sometimes about the park, sometimes about movies – just something Disney. But I am wanting to up my game in this department. I’m not 100% sure what I’ll be doing to change it up but I have a few ideas up my sleeve and I’m getting excited about it.
- Speaking of change.. I may start a YouTube channel. Or is that a horrible idea? I just think it’ll be a million times easier to talk about my favorite products and such through a video instead of through pictures and typing. I get a lot of questions about favorite face products and skin care I use and make up I like and how to use it so I’m thinking YouTube just may be the answer. Lets just hope I can make videos that aren’t dreadful!
- People are good and are trying to do good for the most part. I hate how its so easy to focus on negative things, negative people, negative actions, etc. But the other day I read a blog post and the girl was talking about how if you mindfully look for good – you will find it and if you mindfully look for bad – there bad will be. This isn’t a mind blowing or earth shattering concept, but it hit me in a different way than it had in the past. So I have been mindfully looking for the good in the world and I love that there is actually a lot more good in the world and surrounding us than there is bad. You just have to look for it. Its refreshing.
Oh February. I’m glad you’re about over. You took me on a ride – a rollercoaster of emotions and I just wasn’t prepared for that.
- I got to meet a few of my friends tiny babies this month. Is there anything better than a newborn fresh from heaven? Oh my heck.
- I got a lot of new make up and nail polish this month and some of those items were my saving graces. I guess I’m one of those girls that spirits can be lifted by a new eye shadow palette or new facial cleanser. I’m not ashamed.
- Yoga. I have been more disciplined in my yoga practices this month in hopes to make myself happier and less stressed and anxiety ridden. Its working. I love yoga.
- Last Sunday we had an amazing time in church! The last three Sunday’s I have cried in church because of how hard its been (a wiggly one year old and a loud, rowdy sunbeam class will do that to an anxiety monster such as myself) so this was a huge feat! H was so good and though the still tried his darnedest to stay as far away from us as possible all three hours, he never had a meltdown! And our primary class was so reverent and made me feel like maybe they are paying attention and listening and learning! Hooray!
- It was warm enough at one point to go feed the ducks in our neighborhood by the creek. This is one of H’s favorite things to do and its an excuse to get out of the house and have a change of scenery. #blessed
- We had a few playdates that were so much fun for both H and myself. I’m so glad I have friends with kids that are near the same age as H. It feels good to know my son will have as good of friends as I do.
- Our Valentine’s Day was nice and lazy. We ate delicious steak, courtesy of Wild Man and spent time together, just the three of us. It wasn’t anything special but it still was special to us.
- Its just been one of those days…all month long. You know when you’re on your period and hormones are just raging and your happy, then your ticked, then your sad but you don’t know why, then you’re stressed out, then theres so much anxiety and then you’re crying and it won’t stop? Thats been me all month. Why? Good question. I have no idea. I just really hope March is a cheerier month.
- I’m attempting to be healthier. Maybe this should be under the ‘Good’ list, but its making me grumpy so its under ‘Bad.’ I have even tried to really monitor the amount of Diet Coke I drink (ugh) and… ew. I know I need to be healthier so I’m proud of myself for sticking to it, but at the same time I want all the Diet Coke! I want all the sugar! I want all the carbs! I want all the ice cream! I want all the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups!
- H has been throwing a lot of fits lately. We just had his 15 month well check and I was informed this is very normal and actually healthy, but sheesh! He is a dramatic little guy when he wants to be! We are talking throwing his body to the floor, screaming and hitting kind of tantrums. I am trying to distract him with happy things when he does this and sometimes it works but other times it ends in me being whacked by his flailing arms. Its real fun.
ON MY BRAIN
- I have been wanting to do more service but I realize thats about as far as I get. I want to – but don’t actually do anything. Am I really so lazy that I can’t share some of the cookies I make with a neighbor, or go visit someone I know needs to talk? People around me are so kind and are giving me service all the time. Why am I so lame and rarely do it back?
- I want to re organize my kitchen. But at the same time I don’t because that sounds like a lot of work (oh my gosh i’m so lazy).
- I’m looking for a course to improve my penmanship. Or more my fancy writing. I have a chalk board I write little quotes or phrases on in my house and I love it but I wish I had more or a lettering repertoire to give the chalk board. If you have any suggestions or helpful hints I would love to hear!
- Do I want to start collecting Disney magnets? Do I? I already collect a lot of Disney stuff, but lately Disney magnets have been calling my name. I don’t even understand why exactly but I have the itch.
- I’m really glad I brought back The Motherhood Project. Its so fun to read about moms and their strengths, struggles, stories and their advice to other moms. It feels empowering and I really hope its a place where moms turn to get refueled and remember there is no ‘right’ way to mom and no one has all the answers or does it perfectly.
My friend Danica does a monthly GBOMB and fora while they have been my favorite posts of hers. Sometime in December she posted about how much she loves them and encouraged other bloggers to start doing them and as soon as I read this I knew I definitely wanted to jump on this bandwagon and I’m so excited to finally start. GBOMB stands for good, bad, on my brain and its a fun way to journal the good things, the bad things and the things on my mind throughout the current month. With any luck mine will be half as entertaining as Danica’s.
- H folds his arms during prayers now and beams excitedly the entire time. For quite a while we had to force his arms folded and he fought it, but it looks like its paid off!
- H can also locate his belly and his tongue and he is so proud of himself.
- I finished my spa! We have been in this house a year and I’ve played around with different ways to decorate and theme my spa in my basement and just couldn’t ever find anything I loved. For my birthday in December Wild Man got my logo printed out HUGE on a vinyl sticker for my wall and it looks amazing and really got the ball rolling. Now my spa is decorated and its perfect and the theme is exactly what I wanted. I’m so excited about it. Now everyone come get facials, lashes and all that fun stuff, k?
- My attitude is getting better about our new Primary calling. Wild Man and I teach Sunbeams and after the first week teaching I was just not feeling it and was kind of angry about it. Why would they call a couple with a one year-old to this calling? I felt like we were just babysitting three year-olds for two hours, plus our own kid and I wasn’t a happy camper. But then we had a really good week in Primary two weeks later and THANK GOODNESS because its greatly changed the way I feel about this calling. Now lets hope it continues!
- I’ve ate an insane amount of raspberries and chocolate chips – my favorite snack.
- I know I’m in the minority, but I’m loving this snow. It helps that it makes H SO happy. I love taking him out to play in it and I think its so pretty.
- I did a 7 Days of Disney challenge on my blog and it was so fun. I don’t know if people really cared about the post but I loved it. I wear Disney apparel pretty much daily, but it was fun to be more thoughtful about it and document it. I’m doing this again sometime for sure.
- This is my shoutout to sheet masks. I’ve been wearing them every day-ish for a while now and my skin is so happy and healthy and I owe it all to the masks. Also, Wild Man lets me put masks on his face every once in a while and it makes my heart pitter-patter. There isn’t much thats more exciting for me.. (i’m weird)
- Poor H has fallen and hit his head really good and got himself some impressive goose eggs in the process. I know its all part of the age and perfecting his walking, but it sure doesn’t make it any easier to watch.
- Teething. I don’t need to say anything else.
- I had high hopes of eating healthy in 2017 and I’ve started the year off horribly. Oh theres candy? Great, I’ll eat way too much of it. Chips? You know I’ll down it. Ice Cream? 100 scoops for me please. Healthy food? Nah, I’m full. You know, because I ate all the junk food surrounding me.
- H and I have been sick for the past week and its exhausting. Lets just say we are keeping the Kleenex company in business.
- Why is my child in love with the toilet? Like when will this obsession end? And why must he try SO hard to drop stuff (such as toothbrushes, my glasses, cups, bath toys, etc) in it?
- I’ve been really emotional about H turning 14 months old. I think it hit me all the sudden that he’s not a tiny baby anymore. Its hard!
ON MY BRAIN
- We have a new President now and whenever there is big change that happens and I know its upsetting to people I get anxious. I want everyone to get along. I want everyone to try their best to be happy and be kind, but of course that isn’t the case. I just hope nothing really awful happens.
- On the 24th we hit the year anniversary of my grandpa passing away. I had really mixed emotions about this day. That year was really fast and also really slow. But mostly, how has it already been a year? It made me do a lot of thinking about my grandpa. What is he doing? I hope he visits us often. I miss him.
- During January I knew eleven families/people that went to Disneyland and you bet I was jealous! Our family needs a Disney vacation STAT. Wild Man’s brother and his family are there while I am typing this post and earlier my sister-in-law sent us a video of my nieces first time on Big Thunder Mountain and you guys, I CRIED when I watched it. Disneyland is the best.
- My sister got a Crawfish. Its both terrifying and fascinating. H loves it. She adores this creepy crawly. He holds peas in his little claws and I’ll admit, thats really cute. Or as cute as a crawfish can get I suppose. And yes…apparently it tries to escape. Yikes.
- I am good at daily scripture study and prayer. I’m not sure why those are things I’ve never really struggled with, but I haven’t missed a day in years. But I’m looking to up my game. I’m actually pretty excited to add General Conference talks, Ensign articles, acts of service, more meaningful Family Home Evening’s, etc to my daily/weekly spiritual schedule.
- I was doing really well at daily exercise in January until H and I got sick. I hate how that happens. I finally feel like I’m getting into the habit then something comes along and kills it. I’m really hoping that as soon as I feel good I’ll be able to jump back into it. I’m going to be in good shape in 2017! Yes I am, yes I am, yes I am! (this is me fighting with myself)