I have been hit pretty aggressively with the realization that we are down to just a few months of having just one child. Our sweet baby H. The perfect little bundle of joy who made us parents and introduced us to a happiness and overwhelming feeling of pride we never could have known if it weren’t for him.
My heart is feeling torn in so many different directions. Of course I am beyond thrilled to have our second little boy in November. I’ve dreamt my whole life of having several kids and that’s still my dream! I am so excited to see H become a big brother and to finally meet this little brother of his. I am so anxious to see his face, to learn his personality and to soak all of him in. I actually feel more excited this time around, probably because this time I’m not so clueless. I know how special my children are now. I know how much I love them and how much I love being a mom. I can’t let myself dwell too much on this or else I turn into an emotional puddle.
But then there is the part of me that knows how much H’s world is going to be rocked. Life as he knows it is going to drastically change and a part of me, in a weird way, feels a little bit guilty. People who often joke about how H is going to be second place, etc certainly don’t help the way I feel either. He is very accustomed to being the one and only. He’s used to undivided attention and snuggles on demand. I know it’s good for him to learn that the world in fact doesn’t revolve around him…but there’s still guilt!!
I hope he can figure out quickly that he’s still so loved. Our love isn’t going to lessen for him even in the slightest. In fact I’ve heard the love we have for him will even grow! Our hearts are just going to get bigger so we can have the same amount of love for little brother! I hope he sees that he’s still our world, our joy and our tiny best buddy. Because he is – he always will be!
I know that especially once the baby is here I will feel differently. I’ll just know our new family of four is perfect and meant to be. I know that now, come to think of it – I’m just.. I don’t know. Am I even making sense or do I just sound crazy? I am so in love with this crazy 20 month old and I want him to never feel that his value has decreased just because another baby joined our family. It’s giving me so many emotions I honestly wasn’t anticipating. It’s funny how I am so far past elated for this new addition but at the same time feel a tinge of guilt.
Please tell me I’m not the only one who’s ever felt like this? Also please tell me it’s just hormones or a phase or something and I’ll get over this before November?!
Finally at 22 weeks pregnant I am feeling almost 100% myself, again and I want to shout this good news from the rooftops! When I got pregnant with H, though I was really sick, I still felt *normal* as I could. I was able to get things done, I was able to find motivation even if it was just in small bursts, I was still myself more or less. But this time around it took me so long to feel that way. Like I said, I’m still not 100% but I can see and feel the changes finally. I’m able to keep the house clean, stay on top of laundry and do the dishes regularly. I can put effort into dinner again. I just feel so much better. So much more me!
This all came at the perfect time really because this past week poor H has been the sickest I’ve seen him. He got hit with a nasty bout of diarrhea and then also started throwing up. Just when I think he may be on the mend he has another yucky diaper or throws up again. Its kind of heart breaking. Seeing him laying on the couch for hours at a time just watching movies is sweet but also really sad. But thankfully now that I’m able to be motivated I’m able to keep up on the dirty laundry this poor sick boy has created in ever growing piles. I’m able to keep his room and bed (ohhh the messes that have happened in his crib) clean and sanitized and feel like I’m doing all that I can and should be doing to hopefully help him along the road to recovery. Its a good feeling – feeling like I’m able to give my all to being the best mom I know how to be to my more than deserving little guy.
I know this is a short, random little post. But I’m feeling really jazzed about feeling good. And really hoping H can join me soon in this feeling good party. ::fingers crossed::
I wanted to do this post on the day I hit 20 weeks pregnant, but big shocker – I spaced it. I am now 21 and a half weeks along but I figure the updates are still pretty much the same as they were last week so this will have to do. I swear one of these days I’m going to get my life back on track and post more regularly and not always be so jumbled, but today is still not that day.
20/21 WEEK PREGNANCY UPDATE
- I feel better this time around. I’m still sick and throwing up but not nearly as often as I did with my first pregnancy. I feel like I can comfortably eat more and have a higher chance of it sitting well.
- I have got more energy the last few weeks and I have never been so thankful!
- Baby Boy is a wiggler just like his big brother was. I started feeling him move frequently at about 19 weeks and he hasn’t really stopped since. Its still not quite strong enough to feel with your hand from the outside, but I do feel it all. the. time. on the inside. I think thats my very favorite part of being pregnant is being able to feel the little miracle moving around inside of you.
- My body hurts more this time. The pain started quicker and is quite a bit stronger. I went to the chiropractor not long ago and he told me my body was holding myself as if I was 30+ weeks pregnant. My sciatic pain is pretty intense and my back and hips are aching almost constantly. I had all this with H, too, but I swear it started a little later.
- Baby Boy has strong genes from my family, just like H. What this means is he’s got a big ol’ head. It is measuring farther ahead than the rest of his body, which is also what H did. What can I say, my family makes big headed babies!
- I’m finally starting to feel more like myself. It took me a long time to feel ‘normal’ again after getting pregnant. I was so sluggish and it was almost impossible for me to find motivation to do my usual housewife tasks. It was really frustrating and led to a lot of feelings of guilt, failure and self doubt, but I’m really happy to say that I feel like just this week I’m getting things back under control and finding myself and will be able to easier be a normal human being.
On Monday I hit 18 weeks pregnant with Baby Boy #2 – and I feel like this pregnancy is going so much faster than it did when I was pregnant with H. I guess it makes sense since H keeps be busy and occupied so I’m not constantly thinking about how November is so far away. There have been a lot of similarities with these two pregnancies and a lot of differences. Every several weeks I’m hoping to pop on here and give some bullet points and updates of how I’m doing, how babies doing, etc. I think someday it will be fun to look back and kind of relive the pregnancy days.
- I am not as sick as I was my first pregnancy! Definitely still sick. Definitely still throwing up a lot and losing weight. But definitely not feeling as miserable as I did the first time around. Again, I credit H for this. He’s an incredible distraction.
- I hurt 100,000x more. Which is a bummer because I hurt pretty bad with H’s pregnancy. The sciatic stuff started way earlier this time around. My bones feel like they are literally locked in certain positions sometimes. My hips, back and thighs are so achey and tight and sore. I already waddle and I limp! I can’ only imagine what 35+ weeks is going to feel/look like.
- Around 16 weeks I started feeling baby. They’re just the soft little flutters right now but they’re progressively getting stronger. Yesterday at church H was sitting on my lap leaning on my stomach and I could actually feel the baby kind of pressing against H. It was really exciting and gave me some major feels about these two being brothers.
- Like last time, my hair and nails are growing like weeds. My hairs also getting thicker. Last time it got like 50 shades darker. I haven’t been able to see a color change yet, but my hair is feeling so thick, healthy and nice. This is a perk to pregnancy!
- I’m finally not as fatigued all the time. Which is good especially since now I have a puppy (more on that later) to work with as well as being mom to my one year old.
- I’ve been better about staying active and exercising with this pregnancy. With H’s I was super gross feeling and losing weight crazily so I wasn’t actually allowed to do much physical activity, but since I haven’t been told to slow it down this time, I am going to do my best to at least not become a complete couch potato.
- No diabetes! I had to test early for Gestational Diabetes since I had it with my last pregnancy and so far its all good news! I will test again later, but for now I am still thoroughly enjoying my sugar and carbs.
Yesterday was my darling husbands birthday! It was such a fun day and was surprisingly relaxing and rejuvenating. Wild Man is truly the greatest man ever. I have never met a more selfless, helpful person. Without fail he is always putting others and their happiness first. He is the first to offer assistance and he genuinely loves helping people and easing their burdens and lightening loads in any way he can – and it makes me so proud of him. He’s incredible. He makes me laugh harder than anyone else can and the happiness he makes me feel is amazing. He reminds me every day that I am special, valued and worth something. He is a phenomenal husband. So many women talk about how their husbands aren’t helpful around the house, how they’re lazy and whatever…but I always feel so lucky because Wild Man really isn’t that way. Especially as I have been sick with this pregnancy, he has been amazing in taking over some housework that I’ve neglected. He does laundry, dishes and knows where everything goes in the house. I don’t know what I did to get such a handy, helpful guy but boy am I lucky! And I can’t go without saying how much I love that he’s fully embraced my Disney lifestyle and has even taken it upon himself and he really does love love love Disney now too! I married an amazing man and I’m so glad that yesterday was a day to celebrate him, his birth and his wonderful existence in the world.
For his birthday we have always had a pool party at my parents pool with his family, my family and close friends. Its one of the things I look forward to the most every year. Last nights pool party was another success!
Two years ago when we announced H’s gender, we did it at Wild Man’s pool party and pulled a boy swimming suit out of a gift bag. So we decided to do the exact same reveal this year since it was ironically working out the very same with timing and everything. Its always so exciting to tell friends and family what our baby is! It makes things feel a lot more real somehow.
ITS A BOY!!!!!!
We are THRILLED to have a little brother in a few more months! I cannot wait to see H and this little guy grow up as best friends. As soon as our ultrasound reveled that he was a boy my heart nearly burst with excitement for us, but especially for H. Oh I love my boys!
See this picture? This (high quality) photograph is a pretty perfect depiction of my life since March.
My morning sickness started kicking in pretty intensely at about 5 weeks for me and if I remember correctly, thats about when it came in when I was pregnant with H as well. I really don’t like complaining about pregnancy stuff because I know there are some women out there who would give up everything to feel the way I feel. I was an only child for 8 years and watched my mom wish for another baby. I have friends who had to wait a really long time to get their baby and some who are still waiting. I totally understand how lucky I am to be pregnant with my second child right now. I don’t take this experience for granted and although I do complain occasionally, I hope its not mistaken as me not being happy about growing a baby or being able to physically grow a child.
But sometimes it feels good to complain a little, am I right? I’ve been losing weight, I throw up several times a day, I live in constant fear that I’ll be diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes again, I have no energy or motivation, I’m so dang tired and I just don’t feel like myself yet. I remember there came a time during my pregnancy with H sometime during my second trimester that I eventually figured out how to force myself to be productive and be a functioning human being again and I’m really hoping now that I’m in my second trimester I can figure that out again, soon.
I’m so grateful for my husband and for the patience he has had. He went from having a good wife who did all the housewife jazz to a wife who lays on the couch and forgets grocery shopping and meal planning all together most weeks. He has been the dish-doer, the laundry guy and the person who straightens up our house and he hasn’t complained or made me feel bad or guilty about it once. I mean, I still do feel guilty about it, but its just because of my own thoughts. I married a real good man and I hope he knows that I’ll be back at my wife duties soon (fingers crossed)!
I also have to talk about what an angel H has been. His mom is BORING right now you guys. I can’t tell you how guilty I feel about this subject. H is a wiggly, active, energetic little boy who just wants to play and to be played with. Yet his mom is usually gross on the couch and is turning on yet another Disney movie for him. But he has rolled with this change so effortlessly and so easily and I couldn’t be more thankful for it. He plays happily by himself on the floor but still makes sure to crawl up on the couch with me from time to time to cuddle and give kisses. He’s been a dream boy through this. Lately I have been able to get down and play with him a little more often and I hope it just keeps getting better because you can just tell how much he loves it! But I’m also really glad that he knows how to play alone and self-entertain when he needs to. I have an amazing little boy.
So anyway. Life is weird right now. I’m lazy and sick and tired and gross. But I’m really grateful that I get to have another sweet baby and that our family is going to grow. Every second, no matter how barfy, is worth it in the end.
And I end this post with a picture of my family this past Sunday – a rare occasion when I actually got ready.
I’m a Master Esthetician and I own my own spa that is in my basement. It keeps me busy and I really love that its my job. The thing I do the very most is eyelash extensions and doing them is really fun because for a few hours I get to chat with my cute clients/friends. Its really awesome to talk to these great ladies and socialize, laugh, vent and all that great stuff. A few days ago I had a client who doesn’t have kids yet and she was asking me lots of questions about how I like being a mom. I kind of got the idea that she’s not in any rush to have children because a lot of her questions basically ended with her saying, “it seems so hard” “it seems messy” “it seems like so much work” “it sounds like you never have time for yourself” and so on. And thats just fine! Everyone has their own opinion and they know themselves best so I’m totally not bashing on that. I like being really honest about motherhood. I don’t sugarcoat stuff because I feel like real life needs to be more regular instead of all this i-have-a-perfect-life stuff. I just have my little 18 month H right now (and the baby I’m currently cookin’) and yeah, life with him is busy and messy and sticky and poopy. It comes with the age! It comes with the fact that I wanted to be a mom! Sometimes, yes, it does make me want to cry and pull my hair out – like when I leave the room for less than a minute and walk into my kitchen to find him drawing on the tile floor with a permanent marker…
…but its also the best thing I could ever do. The rumors are true. Life changes BIG time when you add a child to your life. Priorities change drastically. You find that you focus less on yourself and more on this little person who is in need of another diaper change. Your house gets a little messier and your walls/cupboards/everything gets stickier. You’ll sleep less, worry more and feel completely clueless but also all-knowing. It changes you in ways you could never prepare for and no one could ever accurately depict to you. But if you want my opinion, its honestly the greatest thing EVER. I knew I wanted to be a mom since – well forever. I was always (still am) the girl who wants to hold all the babies and when I’m not pregnant I long for the days that I am again (yes, even with how sick I get). But even with how excited I was to be a mom and how much I knew I’d love it, its still surprised me with just how incredible it is. Nothing compares. Nothing, to me, is more fulfilling.
I love being a mother. I understand that it isn’t for everyone, but it is absolutely for me. My hairs never been dirtier, my clothes have never been messier and the bags under my eyes have never looked scarier, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I love my sweet little guy. He’s my best friend and the cutest little partner. I am so excited to meet our new baby and to get to know it so closely and carefully. I’m eager for our future children. And hey, I’m even super excited for my grandkids! Kids are just the best and being a mom is the greatest. Its the freaking BEST.