My Little Boy

I have been hit pretty aggressively with the realization that we are down to just a few months of having just one child. Our sweet baby H. The perfect little bundle of joy who made us parents and introduced us to a happiness and overwhelming feeling of pride we never could have known if it weren’t for him. 

My heart is feeling torn in so many different directions. Of course I am beyond thrilled to have our second little boy in November. I’ve dreamt my whole life of having several kids and that’s still my dream! I am so excited to see H become a big brother and to finally meet this little brother of his. I am so anxious to see his face, to learn his personality and to soak all of him in. I actually feel more excited this time around, probably because this time I’m not so clueless. I know how special my children are now. I know how much I love them and how much I love being a mom. I can’t let myself dwell too much on this or else I turn into an emotional puddle. 

But then there is the part of me that knows how much H’s world is going to be rocked. Life as he knows it is going to drastically change and a part of me, in a weird way, feels a little bit guilty. People who often joke about how H is going to be second place, etc certainly don’t help the way I feel either. He is very accustomed to being the one and only. He’s used to undivided attention and snuggles on demand. I know it’s good for him to learn that the world in fact doesn’t revolve around him…but there’s still guilt!! 

I hope he can figure out quickly that he’s still so loved. Our love isn’t going to lessen for him even in the slightest. In fact I’ve heard the love we have for him will even grow! Our hearts are just going to get bigger so we can have the same amount of love for little brother! I hope he sees that he’s still our world, our joy and our tiny best buddy. Because he is – he always will be!

I know that especially once the baby is here I will feel differently. I’ll just know our new family of four is perfect and meant to be. I know that now, come to think of it – I’m just.. I don’t know. Am I even making sense or do I just sound crazy? I am so in love with this crazy 20 month old and I want him to never feel that his value has decreased just because another baby joined our family. It’s giving me so many emotions I honestly wasn’t anticipating. It’s funny how I am so far past elated for this new addition but at the same time feel a tinge of guilt. 

Please tell me I’m not the only one who’s ever felt like this? Also please tell me it’s just hormones or a phase or something and I’ll get over this before November?!

xoxo

ceeceesparkles 

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Lots of Goals = Lots of Anxiety

2017 is right around the corner and with that comes New Years Resolutions. New goals, new projects, a new outlook and an opportunity to reinvent yourself as someone better, kinder, smarter, happier, fancier, more organized and motivated. I think now that I am a mom and I know I have these little eyes on me all the time I feel a greater pressure to be a good, well-rounded person. I want my son to watch me and know its possible to be positive, to find the good in people and to go after dreams – even if they seem far fetched.

As I have been creating my 2017 New Years Resolutions I have been really aware of writing down things that will push me out of my comfort zone and stretch me and help me become the ideal me I’d like to work towards. I’m already cringing at thinking of the amounts of times I will embarrass myself and I can only imagine what some people will say about me, because unfortunately there are always those people. But lucky enough, one of my resolutions is to stop caring so much about what other people think of me and just be happy with myself. I’ve decided not to share any of these resolutions (yet) but as I was searching my brain for something to blog about I couldn’t quit thinking of the anxiety and excitement I was feeling as I start planning and preparing these new projects. These new dreams.

For years and years, even before I was married I had these goals and dreams but for some reason I’d just decided they would never happen. I guess I was my own nemesis and I’d convinced myself they weren’t worth working towards because I’d surely fail. Since being married and sharing these dreams with Wild Man, he has reminded me that there goals are totally achievable! They may take work – but I can absolutely do them. As Walt Disney says, “If you can dream it, you can do it!” I’m so thankful for the bravery my husband instilled in me and I feel like 2017 is finally my time to stop thinking about these things and actually get to work on making them happen! I’m excited. I’m terrified. I’m motivated. I’m clueless. I’m eager. I’m nervous. But I’m going to do it. And there is a 50% chance I could fail miserably and these projects will turn into total flops. But at least I would have tried.

2017 is going to be an interesting, growing, exciting year!

xoxo

ceeceesparkles

Slump

I’ve been a little bummed lately. Its just a slump that will pass eventually, but I’m currently in the wait-it-out part and I hate that I’m starting to feel a little defeated by this. I’m letting everything everyone says get to me. I’m being extra hard on myself. I’m feeling like people have expectations of me and I’m not meeting them. I am feeling like some people are being disrespectful of the rules/boundaries I have for my son. I feel like because I only have one baby, my first baby, not all people are giving me credit for trying hard to be a good mom. A lot of times I’m hearing that I’ll be different and less worried, anxious and cautious as I have more children and H is the ‘unfortunate child’ because he’s our guinea pig baby, but I’m not brave enough to stand up for myself and say that I actually very well could be the same because I know who I am – I’m the biggest worrier and a full fledged anxiety queen – and I’m ok with it! Why can’t everyone else be? And even if I am a ‘different’ mom with my next kids, does that really make it ok to make fun of the way I mom, currently? Why is it so simple for some people to bash on the new moms? I feel like I’m letting myself be walked all over because I’m being too shy to confront anyone, even if its a small matter. I go to bed every night with a pit in my stomach because I feel like I failed during the day.

I hate it

I hate it

I hate it

Whenever I am in a crappy mood like this I am weird and I channel my inner teenage girl and turn to Pinterest to find some quotes that hopefully uplift and inspire me. I really like to search ‘LDS Quotes’ and they can put a little bit of brightness back into my day. I couldn’t think of anything to post today so I decided (after spilling my whiney, complain emotions) to post a few of the quotes I found that put a smile on my face.

IMG_8447IMG_8448IMG_8449IMG_8451IMG_8452IMG_8450That last one, man…

I feel like before you think I’m totally a hopeless, sad mess I need to remind everyone how lucky I am that I have my sweet, happy baby boy and my kind, caring husband. Thank goodness for them – I am #blessed

Before I go, just a reminder: Be nice. Don’t say mean, judgmental things to people because you don’t know how it could effect their happiness. Say nice things, keep negative opinions to yourself. Smile, be happy, lets uplift instead of bring down.

xoxo

ceeceesparkles

Full Mind, Full Heart

This is my new mantra when it comes to anxiety.

My anxiety comes from worry. I worry about everything. Its exhausting and is probably aging me and forming some gnarly ulcers in my stomach. My brain is constantly full of worry, fear and ugh. I don’t even like talking about what I worry so much about because in my twisted mind I think if I talk about it, its like accepting that it could happen. My anxiety got worse when I had my son, likely because it was one more person to love so much that I constantly worry for them, their safety, their happiness, etc. I’ve always done this with my family, then it upped when I met Wild Man and his family, it worsened when I married him, then it just got plain old awful and uncontrollable when cute little H came into our lives. Its consuming and gross – but its also my life so I have to find ways to deal with it.

I have been able to get it under more control lately thanks to really dedicating myself to morning and night time prayer and going several weeks without missing my scripture study. I’m so thankful for this but also a little annoyed with myself that it has taken me this long to figure out that this would work so well. But whatever, at least I’ve got it down now.

Another thing I’ve started telling myself lately that really has helped me is, “Full mind, full heart.” It probably sounds kind of silly but it helps calm me when I feel anxiety overcoming me.

To me the phrase means this: How lucky I am to have so much to worry about. The fact that I have such wonderful things that I love so dearly in my life to the point of paralyzing worry/fear (haha) is actually really incredible and makes me feel very blessed and fortunate. My mind is full of worry and anxiety, but its only because my heart is so full of love for my people. Maybe it doesn’t make sense, but hey I’ve got to find some way to make the situation light! And for me – its working.

IMG_6335-2

xoxo

ceeceesparkles

Lazy, Blah Tuesday

I find it ironic that a week or two ago I read something on Twitter saying that October 13th would be No Bra Day in support of Breast Cancer Awareness and I promptly took to social media to proclaim that there was NO way I would comply and I’d show my support in other ways, all while wearing a bra. I’m a firm believer in bras – the worlds just prettier (and less pointy/torpedo-shaped) with them. Yet here I am, its almost 5 o’clock pm and guess what? I haven’t changed out of my robe all day — and haven’t put a bra on. But I’m in the safety and privacy of my own home so whatevs, I’m not hurting anyones eyes.

This morning I woke up at 9-ish. I didn’t know I was freakishly tired, but I was. I got out of bed and had a to-do list running through my mind, so I wrote it down (thumbs up for lists!) while I ate breakfast and then started working on it. About twenty minutes into my house-wife duties, I started to feel dizzy, more nauseous than normal, got a headache and just felt shaky and…pregnant, I guess. So I did what any smart woman would have done. I went back to bed. I slept for only about 45 minutes, when I was half expecting not to open my eyes again until noon, but I felt a lot better. Still sore, achey and nauseous, but the dizziness and headache were gone. So I sat up and just sat there for a while. Then I read my scriptures, said my prayers and decided to get ready… Except getting ready only turned into putting my robe and slippers back on, brushing my hair and washing my face. I went downstairs to keep working on the to-do list but instead found myself lounging on the couch eating raspberries and vanilla almonds. Then I had myself about an hour-long breakdown (pregnancy hormones are the real deal) and made myself promise to be productive. Finally.

I kind of was.

I straightened the main floor, cleaned our bedroom, organized some bills, papers and other weird miscellaneous things that I can never find a place for and I even almost did some laundry.

Obviously I worked incredibly slow because all the sudden I only had a few more hours until Wild Man got home and I wanted to make sure dinner was ready when he came home and have a dessert, as well.

I started with dessert. I made pumpkin chocolate chip cookies and learned really fast that its PURE TORTURE to make one of your favorite desserts in the entire world when you CAN’T EAT IT! (Have a I mentioned how much I loathe gestational diabetes?) It also was tricky to make sure they were cooked all the way, but not overdone, when I couldn’t sample them. But they looked pretty so I decided that meant they also tasted good and weren’t too dough-y but also not a solid piece of brick. Then I made dinner – chicken, potatoes, steamed veggies and a fruit bowl (I could eat all of this, thankfully).

When Wild Man got home and we sat down to eat one of the first things he told me was I looked, “hammered,” he also used the words, “beat,” “exhausted,” and “like I’ve had a rough day.” Amen to all of that, buddy. He also found it comical I was still in my robe and hadn’t done pretty much anything at all with myself. We laughed about it. The cool thing about him is he can make my bad days feel better and he can somehow manage to make me laugh even when I feel lazy, gross, sick and emotional. I married a good one, folks. Go, me.

Now I think I’m going to go plug in my wax in my spa and (politely) force Wild Man to wax my eyebrows.

The rest of my evening will consist of more laziness, more blah and hopefully no more throw up.

xoxo

ceeceesparkles

“Pregnancy is the happiest excuse for feeling like crap.”

The Journey Begins..

I’ve had the itch to start a blog, besides the personal one I have thats more like a journal, for several months now but I’ve always found something more important to do or found an excuse not to put the time into starting one up (sometimes I am really lazy, ok?). Now that I am 7.5 months pregnant and I spend a good majority of my time stuck (sometimes literally) on the couch, I figure I have no excuse not to! Plus, multiple people have nudged me in the last few weeks to start one without even knowing about my prior curiosity and desire to start one. So I figured that was my sign. I consulted several friends of mine who have successful blogs, got some ideas, advice and opinions, took a deep breathe and began. Its go time.

So here we are.

I don’t want to do a huge introduction since you can just click on the Meet CeeCeeSparkles tab up there and learn a little about me – but I’ll hit a few of the basics that are important to me: My husband and I have been married almost 3 years and are soon expecting our first baby – a boy! (I’m aware my header says I’m a momma..not quite yet, just preparing – and I’m too lazy to update it later 😉 We are a Disney family. We love to adventure – our family motto is, “Adventure is Out There,” (from Disney/Pixar’s, UP). I’m a Master Esthetician & I’m passionate about skin care, beauty and feeling pretty in your very own skin. I’m obsessed with Target. I love animals. I’m a very family-oriented person, I’d rather hang with the fam than have a night out on the town. Favorite food = raspberries. I love yoga – but man, I was a lot better at it when I wasn’t prego. I look forward to getting that skill back in full swing after the little man is here. I’m LDS (Mormon) and really, truly LOVE the gospel. Candy is my favorite food group (yes, its a food group). I’m a hopeless romantic. I love making lists and I love calendars. I’m not the best at it, but I really do love to write. And for the last tidbit of information about me…I must have my toe nails painted at all times. Always.

I know my blog isn’t fancy or interesting yet. But I promise you if you stick around and give me a chance – I’ll try my best to make it worth your while. I have a lot of things I’m passionate about and interested in sharing with you – along this journey I plan to talk Esthetics (skin care) with you and give you some tips, tricks and ideas I’ve learned being an esthetician, obviously there will be Disney posts, there will be new mom/pregnant lady posts, wife posts, recipes, thoughts, product reviews & opinions, some outfits, hairdo’s, tutorials, probably lots of DIY crafts, gospel-centered posts on Sundays, and really, who knows what else. Its a mystery we’ll solve together.

Its going to be a whole mess of things, but I think it’ll be fun:)

I’m still learning how to make my blog pretty. I’m still figuring out what to post and how to (hopefully) make it suck you in 😉 Like I said, we’re at the beginning stages here and I’m NOT the best with technology (just ask my husband) so bear with me.

Thanks for visiting. If you made it to the end of this post – YOU are a gem & I appreciate you…and your patience.

xoxo

CeeCeeSparkles

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“We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we’re curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.”

-Walt Disney