Oh wow. Just like that its October 10th. Where the heck does time go? I have been really slacking on this blogging thing. I’ve even scheduled out time for myself to sit down and blog after H has gone to bed but I somehow always decide that taking a bath, eating ice cream or just going to bed myself is a better option. I want to be a more dedicated blogger. Remember when I used to blog almost daily?? Where’d that girl go? cause she sure isn’t here anymore! I kind of feel like its been good for me, too. For a while my blog probably took priority over things that it shouldn’t have. I’ve been able to find a better balance of when to blog and when to be a wife/mom and productive human. Will I blog better now? I make no guarantees. Hopefully October will pop out a few more posts. November will probably have a few but once baby is born (because I’M DUE NEXT MONTH!) I highly doubt that I’ll be very consistent. I have plans for some fun Christmas/wintery posts for December but we’ll see if those happen or not. Basically what I’m saying is I still love blogging but I’ll do it when I have time.
Even though my last post was a GBOMB I still feel like I have several recent updates. So I guess this post is now turning into a bullet point list talking about things that have happened to us so far this month.. Basically a GBOMB a few weeks early I guess.
- We watched General Conference (and i was able to take notes on every speaker because H was being an angel baby!) at my parents beautiful condo in Eden, Utah. It was a perfect, relaxing weekend and it was a recharge I didn’t even know I was so terribly in need of.
- Baby is no longer breech!! Also, I’m 34 weeks pregnant (yesterday).
- I’ve been bit by the holiday baking bug. Have I actually baked much yet? No. Just some pumpkin chocolate chip bread and a cake – but I have lots of plans for upcoming treats to bake during the next couple of months.
- October means I can now say I am due next month!! I am so stinkin’ excited. I actually feel a lot more prepared for his arrival than I thought I would. That worries me a little to be honest because theres no way I’m completely ready a whole month in advance, right? I have to be forgetting something – don’t I? But then why can’t I think of what that is?
- Our cute puppy got spayed and I had high hopes that she’d be lazy and out of it for a few days. No. She was out the day we brought her home and was back to her usual hyper, crazed self the very next day. Darn.
- H and I have both been battling colds. Never fun. But next week we have big, exciting plans so I’m glad we’re getting this over with before then. Assuming that the colds will actually be gone by then!
- Our nephew was baptized and our niece was blessed. Those are two ordinances that I’m always particularly excited about. They’re so special and exciting and help remind me of the blessings and promises I have been given.
- H is talking SO much more lately. Its so much fun and so cute to see how he pronounces words.
- We decorated for Halloween and it literally made me emotional. I LOVE the holiday seasons. October through December are the. best. ever.
September brought all the emotions, all the feelings and all the thoughts, stress and smiles. This month had it all, folks. I had a lot of self realization happen. I was able to break out (a little bit) of my shell. I’ve felt braver. I’ve felt more vulnerable. I’ve felt terrified and unqualified – and so, so much more. As I’m sitting here writing out the goods, the bads and the on my minds it probably doesn’t sound like a ton but it was a crazy month for me – especially in my brain. And I needed that. So was September hard sometimes? Yep. But it was also really good and I learned a lot. And wow did my pregnancy hormones take me for a ride…
- Fall started!
- I got a new phone. I didn’t think I’d be as excited as I am. I had the 6 Plus and now I have the 7 Plus. The camera is incredible and its fast and dependable. I am so happy about this upgrade.
- I’ve been on a mission to find a drugstore foundation that I like and finally after 5 or 6 different products, I have found one! I hate to be that girl…but I’m not telling you what it is yet because I’m going to be doing a post on the whole ordeal. But guys. I’m really excited about it. I was about to believe that drugstore foundations and me just didn’t mix.
- Confrontation and saying no and putting my feelings first is reeeeeeeeeeeally hard for me. It gives me the worst anxiety and just ask Wild Man, if I even have to consider saying something to someone that may hurt their feelings I have full on breakdowns. BUT I have made a tiny (probably incredibly tiny) bit of progress this month! Even a small victory in this department is a huge deal to me because this scares the HECK out of me.
- Along with the bullet point above, I’m learning and realizing its important to put myself first and it doesn’t make me selfish and I shouldn’t feel guilty about that.
- It was a painful month. This pregnancy is doing a number on my body. I have SPD and thats the trickiest, hardest part for sure. My hips, legs, back and pelvic area are in excruciating pain like 99% of the time. I try really, really hard not to whine about it but sometimes its awful – especially at night.
- I have had approximately 10,000 emotional breakdowns this month. Half the time I don’t even know why they’re happening. Its exhausting and has given me some killer headaches.
- Baby Boy is breach right now. Maybe he’ll flip and get in the right position and all will be well inside my chaotic brain. Or maybe he won’t and I’ll either have to have him moved while he’s still in my belly and if that doesn’t work have a c-section. This isn’t really a bad thing, but its not necessarily what anyone plans for so I’m still wrapping my brain around the fact that it could happen. Mostly I just wish he’d flip. His head in my ribcage is actually pretty painful. But he’ll do what he wants and I’ll do whatever it takes to get him here in the safest route for him.
ON MY BRAIN
- The pre-baby worry is setting in. Does that surprise you? It shouldn’t. I’m starting to worry that I’ll forget something when we get to the hospital, I’m worried I think that I have everything I need for baby but then I’ll realize I’ve forgotten something pretty big. I’m worried about all the scary things that could happen during birth that I choose not to think much more about. I’m nervous I’ll take forever to figure out how to equally divide my time between H and baby boy and that one will feel a little more neglected than the other. I’m worried that H will take the change really hard and I won’t know how to help him like I should. Just all the worries.
- I started using Instagram Stories and I’m still deciding how I like it. I still use Snapchat and I probably still use it more than Instagram. The filters definitely aren’t as good on Instagram – there is a dog filter but when you open your mouth a tongue doesn’t hang out and H is highly disappointed in that. I don’t actually mind posting stories on Instagram, I think the thing thats most troubling to me is that its highly overwhelming to watch everyone else’s stories. I follow a few like 800 people or something – its 100% impossible to watch everyones stories. Thats hard for me.
- We are coming up on busy season in my family. In September my sister, two nephews and a very close cousin had birthdays. In October we have a big fun trip, my moms birthday and Halloween. In November we have our anniversary, my dads birthday, a nieces birthday, H’s birthday, my due date and Thanksgiving. In December we have my sisters birthday, my birthday, Christmas and a brother in laws birthday. Busy, busy. But also my favorite time of year.
Today I’m 32 weeks pregnant with the worlds most frequently hiccuping baby and all the sudden that seems really, like really close to my due date! I feel decently ready. We have the stuff we need and we are super eager to meet this little guy, but there are always the nerves (for me at least). I have this fear of getting to the hospital and realizing I forgot something important and even though I know I have plenty of people who could swing by my house or stop by the store, I still worry. Its really fun living inside my paranoid brain guys.
Now if you aren’t in the mood to read a pregnant girls whining and venting then maybe you should just close out now because its about to get rambly.
I had my 32 week appointment today. I was pretty much ready to have this confirmed, but I have SPD (symphosis pelvic disorder) which basically means my muscles, ligaments and bones are already loosening, stretching and aren’t properly aligned. Thats great when you’re about to have a baby, but its a pain (literally) when you still have 8-ish weeks left. Its been going on for the last 3-4 weeks and basically its just awful pain down yonder. I am popping in my hips, pelvic bone and pubic bone and its excruciating. Did you know your pubic bone can even pop? Well it can and it’ll stop you in your tracks and can even make you cry if it catches you off guard enough. Pretty much everything from my mid back to my mid-thighs hurt so bad that I’m waddling and moving like a 100 year old woman and theres pretty much nothing that can be done. Except have a baby in several more weeks. Its discouraging to basically hear, ‘yep, thats gonna hurt and it’ll keep hurting until you have a baby,’ but I’m grateful that its only pain I am feeling and baby boy is doing great. While we are talking about pain, I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned this or not yet, but I’ve had this for a few months now but…vericose veins. Down there. Its as crappy as it sounds and hurts like crazy. Pregnancy hurts sometimes.
At my 28 week appointment baby was sideways. My doctor wasn’t too worried because it was still early enough that he didn’t have to be head down yet. Well today he is completely breach. Head up, bum down. Exactly the opposite of where we’d like him to be. Again, its too early to really get too worried about it but…c’mon, this is me we’re talking about. I’m worrying. Duh. My doctor said its still possible he’ll flip but it is trickier for baby to flip the bigger they get. He also said sometimes during labor if they are breach they’ll just randomly flip into the correct position. He also said that his partner is really good at flipping the babies in the stomach closer to delivery and has a pretty high success rate. Although I hear thats a very painful option – eek! But if it comes to that I’ll totally give it a try. Then he explained that if baby just won’t flip then the safest route to deliver baby would be via c-section. At first that scared me, but people have c-sections all the time and I’m a firm believer in getting baby here safely, no matter what method that is by and if we have to do a c-section then I won’t fight it at all. But its still hard to process when you hear that your perfect baby isn’t in the perfect situation and you may not have the vaginal delivery you’ve been visualizing your entire pregnancy. For some reason I’ve been really emotional about grasping that today. Which just makes me feel crazy. Because honestly if it comes to a c-section I have no issues with that. So why do I keep crying? Hormones are doing me no favors.
Ultimately, the most important thing is that baby brother is doing amazing, growing great, is right on track. Nothing is more important to me than to hear that! I can’t believe he is due in 8 weeks.
(which also means i’ll have a 2 year old in 8 weeks – gulp!!)
Is there anything better than Fall? The clothes, the smells, the colors, the food, the traditions. I look forward to this season all year long. Winter, Spring and Summer are great and all that – but in my book, nothing can beat Fall.
Today is the first day of Fall and I’ve created a little bucket list for this season to ensure that it is that great of a season.
My Fall Bucket List
- Have a super cute baby boy
- Eat a shameful amount of apple pie without feeling any shame at all
- Bust out all those Fall maternity clothes I’ve so eagerly been looking forward to wearing
- Wool socks. Every day.
- Drink at least one cup of hot chocolate a day
- Teach H the joy of jumping in a pile of raked up leaves
- Take family pictures
- Take maternity pictures a few weeks before baby is due to arrive
- Start Christmas shopping
- Find a bunch of Fall crafts on Pinterest to recreate
- Light my Fall scented candles
- Break out the Christmas Music because its totally ok to listen to Christmas music before Thanksgiving
- Decorate for Fall in general, then Halloween, then Thanksgiving and the day after Thanksgiving – bust out Christmas decor
- Throw our annual Halloween Pool Party – mostly Wild Man’s thing
- Obviously eat a ton of candy around Halloween
- Give Candy Corn another shot – maybe it’ll taste better this year
- Go on walks and crunch old leaves under our feet as a family (yes – this is something i genuinely look forward to)
- Watch General Conference while relaxing in my families amazing condo up north
- Buy a little rake so H can help in the yard
- Find a beanie that doesn’t look ridiculous on my big head
Well I guess I’ve just reached that point of pregnancy. I’m losing my mind, I have very little control of my emotions and I literally feel like a crazy person. 10-ish weeks left. Please wish me luck, send me good vibes and pray for my family that has to deal with me.
I’m assuming that a lot of all this madness is due to the fact that I can’t get a good nights sleep for the life of me. Between back and hip pain, heart burn, never being able to get comfortable, nausea, being so hot I could melt into a puddle and my brain thinking about all the things I need to do before baby gets here and how excited I am for baby – sleep just doesn’t come easily. I wake up feeling more tired than I felt the night before and the sensation doesn’t go away throughout the day. I’m just always tired and hurting.
Oh and my brain? Its all over the place and incredibly unreliable. I don’t even want to tell you how many spa clients and other important appointments I’ve forgot about. Its infuriating. I am usually on top of things but lately I’m so far from that person. I’m taking the phrase ‘scatter-brained’ to a whole new level. I can’t even carry on a normal conversation without forgetting a word thats simple and used daily or keeping my train of thought (its going to be amazing if this post makes sense at all to be honest).
Then there are my emotions which are all. over. the. place. One second I’m laughing hysterically, the next I’m so ticked off and annoyed about something, then I’m sobbing for who knows why and the next thing you know I’m curled in a ball on the couch filled with worry and anxiety. Its unpredictable and exhausting.
I’m grouchier than normal. I’m far less patient than usual. I’m more anxious. I’m more hard on myself and feel more guilt. I’m less (much less) motivated. I’m lazier. I’m slower. But I’m trying – most the time – to fight those darn feelings and be ‘normal’ as possible. Some moments are easier than others.
But for now I just feel like a mess. My brains a train wreck and I just want to take a nap.
Pregnancy, you’re fun.
Today is game day, so I suppose I should start this post with saying: GO BYU! Its a big game today, too. Even I, a person who couldn’t possibly be less into sports, knows that. BYU vs. Utah. Its the big rivalry game. If I avoid pretty much all social media today and the next couple days, you can blame this football game. I HATE all the smack talk that goes on during and after this game. Like, I really don’t care – if BYU wins or if BYU loses my life will continue on the same and I will be fine. I know lots of people in my family don’t have this mindset, but hey, we can’t all be the same!
My favorite part of game day is the outfits. I think its fun to coordinate as a family in our BYU apparel. A couple weeks ago Wild Man and I went to the opening game with my parents (H stayed home with my sisters) and I thought we were such a cute little dressed-in-BYU family. Aren’t we?
So go BYU! And just a friendly reminder to be nice to people – even those who don’t like the same sports team as you.
What a good and exhausting month! This month has left me feeling refreshed and so tired all at the same time – which I’m guessing is the sign of a good, memorable month..
Lets get into it, shall we?
- We had a really fun 4th of July party with Wild Man’s family and my family. It went so smoothly, the food was delicious and it was so relaxing and rejuvenating.
- Our puppy is doing actually really well! Training isn’t perfect yet, but she’s picking up on things SO fast! Best of all, she and H are seriously the best of friends and she is so patient and loving with him.
- I had my big 22 week ultrasound this month. Its always so much fun to get a little peek at your sweet baby. Everything is looking perfect and he’s measuring and developing just how he should. It makes me really grateful. The whole drive over to the ultrasound place I was in constant prayer just begging for everything to look good and when we saw that he is perfect I was flooded with gratitude and a calmness I didn’t so much have before.
- H has started racing and its the best thing. He’ll stand against the wall and give us this look which we know means we need to say “on your mark, get set, go!” then he runs as fast as he can to us with the biggest grin on his face.
- We toured the new MTC (missionary training center) and it was incredible. The art and quotes on the wall were really inspiring and moving. It was especially neat to hear Wild Man and his brothers talk about how the new MTC compared to the old one. It was a very cool experience and I highly suggest you get tickets to tour it too!
- Poor H went about 2 weeks not feeling well at all. It seemed like we could hardly go an hour without diarrhea or throw up and it felt like it was never going to end. Luckily he was still able to mostly act himself unless some bodily thing was about to happen. It was sad to witness. I know its cliche to say you wish you could have a sickness instead of your child, but its true. Its hard seeing those sweet things feel sick.
- I’m not sure what I did but I think I pulled a muscle or something in my stomach at the end of the month. Its so achey that its become a constant pain and is making taking deep breaths really, really hard. Lifting even light things is a bit more of a struggle and there is no comfortable position I’ve found so far that makes it feel ok.
- Why is church so hard again? I felt like we finally had a system down that worked and H was decently behaved and I didn’t feel like having an emotional breakdown while there, but then all the sudden everything has changed. We sit down in Sacrament Meeting and almost instantly H loses it and there is NO way to make him happy. It is a long, long hour. Thankfully he still is loving nursery.
ON MY BRAIN
- My mom and one of my sisters went to the D23 Expo this month (a big fancy, exclusive Disney exposition) and it was a really long week for me. I know I could have gone but opted to stay home to be a mom. Decisions like that are tough sometimes. But they had an amazing time, learned many really neat things and had some phenomenal experiences. Maybe I can join them for the next one!
- Can dogs tell if you’re pregnant? I swear our dog knows. She treats my belly different. That sounds weird – but I really think she knows theres a little tiny human in there.
- Our laundry room is odd. Its this huge, weirdly empty space besides the washer and dryer. This month we have been slowly making it a better space. We painted a wall, my sisters doing some amazing Up artwork on it, we are putting in a nice soaker sink, some cupboards and places to hang laundry and put in new baseboards. I know its just a laundry room but I’m really excited to see it all finished. Its also made me really gung-ho about personalizing the other spaces in our house I’m not crazy about. Something amazing about being a home owner is that there aren’t really rules. We have the creative freedom to make the space exactly how we’d like it. Its exciting and has my creative wheels spinning.
- I’ve been extra mindful of the gratitude I have for my family this month. There have been a few personal things that have happened recently that have made me realize I need to not take family for granted. Not just my husband and sons, but my own family and Wild Man’s family. I’m really lucky to be surrounded by amazing, supportive, happy people. I genuinely love every member of my family – immediate and extended. How many people can say that and really mean it??