December has always been my favorite month of the year. My birthday, Christmas, Christmas Eve, Christmas traditions, delicious food, lots of family gatherings, decorations and so on. This year really didn’t disappoint. It also wasn’t as…special as I hoped it’d be though. I think I set up this fantasy in my mind of how perfect the month would go and how magic would be around every corner — but reality check, thats not life. Or not life with a two year old and one month old at least. Don’t get me wrong, it was still a great month, but it was just not as extra and sparkly as I hoped it’d be. There were a lot of meltdowns (from the kids and myself), a lot of days where I just felt lousy and days we did nothing. But there were also a lot of happy days that made the Christmas Spirit a bit stronger in our home. It had its ups and downs, but overall I am pleased looking back at the most wonderful month of the year.
- Christmas was so much fun. It was Chiefs first Christmas. Yeah, he’s a month old and has already forgotten all about the 25th of December, but I will remember it. There wasn’t anything that stood out about the day or anything, it was just nice and relaxing and was so nice to spend it together as our family then spend a few hours with my family at their house. I loved Christmas.
- On that note, Christmas Eve was pretty magical, as well. After we put The Captain to bed, Wild Man, Chief and I just sat out in our living room with the lights off with Christmas music playing and the lights on the tree shining and were quiet. It was a perfect moment.
- I was able to go to church on the 24th while Wild Man stayed home with the boys (normally H would go to church too but he was battling a fever and E is still too little for that kind of exposure in our opinion) and I didn’t realize just how much I had missed church. This was my first time back since having Chief and it felt so good to be back. It absolutely helped that it was the Christmas program which consisted of beautiful music the full hour. I felt the Christmas Spirit and the actual spirit so strongly while I was there.
- I was cleared to take baths after my c-section!! This happened on the 22nd and I am not sure if I could have asked for a better Christmas gift.
- One of my best friends took our family pictures and I love them. The boys actually weren’t very cooperative at all and I got so sweaty and frazzled during pictures, but they turned out great (which shows you what an amazing photographer she is) and the ones where the boys are having meltdowns are actually some of my very favorite from the whole shoot.
- H seriously loves his little brother so much. This truly isn’t surprising to me because he has always been a lover and is such a tender, kind little soul. I was fairly certain that he would adore his little brother and treat him the same way he treats everyone else – and he has! Its the sweetest, most special thing I’ve ever witnessed. I am so glad their relationship started off as strong as it has. Sometimes when H is upset the only thing that will calm him down is being with his brother, stroking his head or holding his hand. You guys. ITS A BEAUTIFUL THING.
- So I don’t know, I guess the terrible two’s have begun at our house? I’m not sure what exactly has caused it (actually i think i do have an idea – teething – four teeth) but it is brutal. I have often referred to H as a tornado throughout the month.
- Just recovery still. I get bummed easily because I’m not miraculously healed yet. I whine to Wild Man about this all the time and he’s great at reminding me that every body heals different and what really matters is that I am getting better (even if it is slower than I want) and that we got our sweet baby boy out of it.
- Poor H had a fever and felt sick for a few days (unfortunately some of those days were Christmas Eve and Christmas day) and it was heartbreaking. I’ve never seen him like that before. Its such a helpless feeling when you literally can’t do a thing to help your child feel better. He was so hot and so miserable. It was the worst.
- So I guess unwrapping Christmas gifts has the potential to bring out the grinch in H. The very first gift we gave him on Christmas morning, he took one look at it and whacked it out of Wild Mans hands. Sometimes he was really feeling it and would get excited, other times you’d think we were asking him to stick his hands into a pot of boiling water. You win some, you lose some.
ON MY BRAIN
- I turned 27 this month. 27!? Why does that number seem so, so old to me? It freaked me out. It made me emotional. It made me proud. But mostly it just made me like …wow I’m not in high school anymore.
- I am so excited for my 2018 planner. I keep holding it, turning through its pages and have started decorating and am so eager to start writing plans, notes, etc in its pages.
- My word of 2018 has finally been chosen and I feel so good about it. It was like the second I thought of the word everything just felt right and I knew it needed to be my main focus of the new year. I’m planning on doing a post dedicated to the word (we’ll see if that actually happens) and I’m really looking forward to implementing the word into my life and my families life.
- Having two kids wasn’t really scary to me when I was pregnant with E. Its been overwhelming at times but I’d like to think I’ve handled the transition really well. Sometime during the beginning of the month I hit the point where I felt like I was really doing well. I’d found my rhythm and know what I’m doing. Its such an empowering feeling. I know that in reality I am still pretty clueless and am making it up as I go, but it feels awesome to not feel so scatterbrained and stressed out as I thought I’d be. The Chief just fits into our family so flawlessly so its no surprise that life with him in it feels so good and right.
- My brain = gone. Pregnancy brain was nothing compared to this. I cannot keep a train of thought, I can’t remember pretty much anything and I feel a little lost and confused more than half the time. This better be one of those silly postpartum things that goes away after a while because if this is just how my brain works now …oh heaven help me.
Yep, little baby E has his blog name finally and it is, Chief. Sorry I don’t use real names here. I know it annoys people but this is my blog and I’m a paranoid mess full of crippling anxiety so we use fake names and we like it. If you’re new here this is your quick refresher. My husband is Wild Man, I’m CeeCee, our 2 year old is The Captain (aka H) and our new buddy is Chief (aka E).
Speaking of him… He is a month old today. I feel like this past week everything has started to click. I’m finally getting a good rhythm going in this new life with a toddler a newborn and a wild 60+ pound puppy. Most importantly, Chief has made a tremendous addition to our family and fits in so perfectly. Whatever did we do without this sweet little brother? I’m still very postpartum-y. I’m still very not my usual self (if she even exists anymore) and I’m still feeling pretty beat up after my c-section and wondering if I’ll ever fully recover. But life is good. Life is great!
This is my quick check-in. I’m not sure when I’ll post again next because my blogs taken a major backseat since welcoming E, but I hope you’re all having a wonderful and safe holiday season.
I’m taking a small break from regular blogging – but this was a post I didn’t want to skip. I love having been able to look back at this year and see what was going good, what wasn’t so much and what I was thinking about. So even though I’m busy and very, very postpartum-y, I’m making time for this post.
- Obviously the top of my ‘good’ list for the month – for the year, actually – is the birth of our second sweet son. He is absolutely perfect. He is pretty much the spitting image of his big brother, he’s very easy, simple to soothe and has us all in newborn heaven. We are smitten and so grateful for this handsome little edition to our family. I am (slowly) working on his birth story. His birth was very different than H’s. I had an emergency c-section which we knew was kind of a possibility (minus the emergency part), but I truly just thought we’d still end up doing a vaginal delivery. Although it wasn’t part of the ‘plan’ and there were a couple scary minutes, E was delivered safely and is healthy and we are so, so grateful. I’m thankful for modern medicine and for my amazing doctors. But mostly I’m thankful for my new family of four.
- H turned 2 this month! I was always hesitant about this day. Two seems so old. But I finally had to kick myself in the pants and remind myself that time isn’t going to stop. My kids are going to get older (cue the tears) so I need to enjoy every age and every milestone. I’m going to enjoy two! Its already been so fun. It blows my mind on a daily basis how smart, curious and adventurous he is.
- We set our Christmas stuff up the day after Thanksgiving. Obviously this is on the good list because Christmas/December = very good. Best month of the year.
- I really love nursing. I forgot how much I loved it. Which is funny because I only stopped nursing H in July. But that bond and one-on-one time only you and your baby get is just magical. There is nothing else like it.
- I had an emergency c-section with sweet baby E. The healing and recovery process has been no joke. I truly don’t know if I can say that its worse or better than a vaginal delivery recovery, I can just say that its very different. Also, know what doesn’t help the recovery process? Your 60 pound dog jumping directly onto your incision. Yeah, I’m pretty sure the doctors don’t recommend that.
- Yes, I have a newborn so this is very expected, but wow the lack of sleep. I forgot how hard it is. E is a little confused and I’m pretty sure he thinks day is night and night is day. In other words he’s awake more in the night and sleeps more during the day. Any advice on how to reverse this? I am struggling.
- Both of my boys have been congested for a while. I don’t want to jinx it, but I think that they’re on the up and up finally, but yikes its been rough. I’m a professional nose wiper and sympathy crier. I hate seeing my kids sick. Its been especially hard to see E being so congested and sad. When he’d struggle to breathe it nearly killed me.
ON MY BRAIN
- You know how I’m paranoid and don’t use real names on my blog? I’m so torn as to what to call baby E. H’s name here on the blog is The Captain…but I rarely use that anymore. He’s pretty much H. Maybe E will always pretty much be E – but I want him to have a ‘name’, too.. This will bother me until I come up with a blog name for him.
- Postpartum anxiety/depression/hormones/feelings – all that jazz. The anxiety hit me hard after H was born but I would be willing to bet its all hit me harder this time. I am the biggest cry baby and if you could peek inside my brain I think you’d lose your mind almost immediately. Its a mess and there are so many conflicting thoughts and feelings. My biggest stressor is that I really cannot tell the difference right now between mothers intuition and my own anxiety and paranoia. Thankfully my sweet husband is my hero, my therapist and my greatest support and has been a tremendous help. I’d honestly be in the looney bin in a massive puddle of my own tears of despair without him.
- I’ve come to this conclusion: When you have multiple children in diapers – if one is poopy, it typically means the other one is too. I swear if I change one poopy bum then you can pretty much guarantee the other bum is poopy.
- I’m so glad that people are getting braver and speaking out about sexual assault, etc. but I swear its taking a toll on me. Its hard to open up any form of social media or news outlet and hear of yet another sad thing thats happened either recently or years ago to someone without consent. I’m so glad attention is being brought to this and its becoming more and more ‘ok’ to speak out about it and I’m glad the people who have done bad things aren’t getting away with it anymore. I need to get thicker skin.
- I’ve weirdly missed the hospital since we have been home. I miss the bed, the bubble, the nurses, the constant refills of cold water, the grilled cheese sandwiches and even those awful vital checks! I just want to still be there I guess? Like, no I don’t. But I also do. I don’t even understand myself.
Our sweet little boy joined our family on November 10th and he is pure perfection and has brought us incredible, indescribable joy. I’ll likely be taking some time off while I snuggle the heck out of this perfect little person. I’m working on his birth story and some future posts that may or may not ever get posted. I’m having too much fun in this newborn heaven bubble. We love our boy and we are so thankful that he’s here, healthy and the greatest little thing ever.
Today I’m 38 weeks pregnant! Two weeks until due date! Which also means 2 weeks until I also have a two year old!! Its a weird feeling to simultaneously want time to speed up and slow down all at the same time.
I had my 38 week appointment today and if I’m being honest it kind of bummed me out. Baby boy is doing great. He is healthy and his heart sounds just as it should. I’m measuring very on par to where I was with H and all is looking well. But as far as my body progressing…darn. For three weeks now I’ve been at a ‘barely 2’ and am told my cervix is still quite thick and baby is pretty high. I’m not actually worried about him being high, because H was too even when I was at a 10 in labor at the hospital and it all worked out fine. Its just the whole being only at a 2 with a thick cervix that is discouraging. For some reason I really thought that I would be a little early with this pregnancy but so far its looking like that won’t be the case. Maybe this little boy just really wants to share a birthday with his big brother or at least be born really close to his birthday? I don’t know. I’m fine with him cooking as long as he needs to – I really am good with that, its just so much harder to be patient this time around. I think that has to do with how much pain I’m in constantly. Maybe also because now I know how fun these little ones are and I’m just that eager to add another one to the family. Whatever the reason, there is really nothing I can do. Just wait and be patient!
It is good to know though that in at least two weeks (i hope) my sweet baby will be here!
Five years ago today in the Mount Timpanogos Temple I was married, sealed for time and all eternity to my sweet, selfless husband. Five years has flown by and I really feel like I’ve known this great man for my whole life. Its hard to think of a time when he wasn’t in the picture. We dated a year (our first date was Nov. 4) before getting married and I can truly say that these six years of knowing Wild Man have been the best of my life. Of course the first few years are a lot of learning about each other and figuring out how to make two people one functional couple, but even the harder times were great times.
Often times Wild Man will say, “we make a good team!” or, “we’re the greatest team ever assembled.” A lot of times when I hear that I just laugh and smile, but when I sit here and really think about those two phrases, he’s right! We are not perfect, but we really are a good team and we work hard at our marriage and in our family and I think that work shows off and pays off.
Wild Man is my rock and my sanity. He’s my best friend, my closest ally and my confidant. He’s my cheerleader, my biggest supporter, he’s my fellow dreamer and the person who can perk me up the fastest. I’m eternally grateful that he is eternally mine.
Happy fifth anniversary, Wild Man! Every day I am grateful for you and for the love you have for me.
Happy Halloween, everyone!
I’m going to be honest, I have no idea what our plans are for today. I think because we had such awesome trick-or-treating at Disneyland a couple weeks ago I’m not being super gung-ho about making sure we do much today. Plus H isn’t really aware of whats going on either. We’ll definitely be rocking our costumes and going to grandparents houses and a few close friends, but that may be it! Maybe we’ll come home and turn all the lights off and watch a Halloween movie like we did last year. Who knows. I just know that tomorrow is November and thats the month I’m due and thats really all my brain can focus on, lately.
Have a happy day, eat all the candy (with no regrets) and be safe.