Mom Life Realness

I don’t know what it is, but lately day to day life has been hard! My boys have been hard and emotional. I feel like I’ve lost all of my mom-skills. My brain is scattered. My motivation is is chaotically unpredictable. My emotions, especially my anxiety, are all over the map. I feel guilt about everything – all the things. I feel like I’m just trying to survive each day and make it to bedtime without a meltdown or blow up.

I know its just a phase, but geez its exhausting! Being a mom is crazy and quite literally all the emotions and just when you think you’ve got the hang of it, you learn that you actually don’t.

What a ride!

 

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Hopes, Dreams and All That Jazz

This happens to me every once in a while. Seemingly out of the blue, I’m hit with a pang of inspiration. But for what? No, really. For what? I feel so motivated to do something, I just can’t figure out what that something is! Its both exhilarating and terribly frustrating. I love feeling empowered and like I can take on whatever it is that I’m wanting to do, but I get ticked at myself when I can’t figure out what it is that I am wanting to do! Do I sound like a crazy person, yet? Because I sure feel crazy.

So all of this motivated uncertainty, I’ve been dabbling in a lot of things. You guys should see my flower beds. For a while I thought my flower beds were what I was feeling so super motivated about. Actually, that is something that I’m so motivated by. I am a very proud mother of my beautiful flower babies and don’t be surprised if I post about that soon. I’ve dedicated myself to my flowers and I have a special reason that really binds me to that, but I recently realized that being an obsessive flower-mama is not what I’ve been feeling so inspired to do.

As I’m typing up this post I still have no idea what I’m feeling so inclined to do. When the surge of inspiration hit me, I promised myself that this time I wouldn’t ignore it and I’d act on it. But I seriously have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing!! I’m sure this is such a silly post, but I keep hoping that if I talk about it a little, I’ll be able to direct my motivation a little more.

Here’s to hoping.

STOP and Smell the Roses

A couple of posts back I talked briefly about how lately I feel like I’ve been learning so much about myself and about my life. Today I wanted to tan a little more deeply about one thing I’ve really been learning and figuring out lately, because its been a game changer for me. Its taken some time to rewire my brain to be this way, and it still takes effort, but I am so happy to have finally started to really learn this and implement it in my life.

I’ve realized that its ok not to do it all.

Like, duh. I knew that, but I never really allowed myself to believe it was actually ok. I used to think that if I went to bed and the house was still a mess, the dishes weren’t done or the laundry hadn’t been put away, it meant I failed the day and I’d beat myself up about it. I believed that if my dinners I’d planned for the week were easy and not as healthy as I felt they should be or not as nice as another family members surely would be, I’d failed my family. When my kids stayed in their pajamas all day, I was sure it meant I wasn’t a very fit mother. If I wasn’t doing my ministering or excelling spiritually as much as I thought/knew I should, I was embarrassed and discouraged. I didn’t want to admit it, but I realized and finally acknowledged that I was comparing myself to other people.

It got exhausting and I felt like my own self worth and self respect was being flushed down the toilet. I was going to bed sadder and more defeated every night. Something had to change. So I did what I do best when I need inspiration and a pick-me-up. I listened to lots of General Conference talks. As I did I kept getting the same overall feelings – its ok not to do it all, its ok to slow down and Heavenly Father doesn’t compare me to other people, so neither should I.

I’m perfectly ok to move at my own speed, as long as I’m trying to move forward. I don’t have to be whatever my idea of perfect is. I just need to trust my gut, be there for my kids, my husband and myself and give myself credit where its due. I need to stop comparing myself to other people, because more than likely they aren’t feeling as 100% as they seem online. Thats what I’ve been doing and its been incredible. The love I have for myself is different now. I recognize more good in myself than bad. I don’t go to bed feeling like such a failure as a mom/wife/human. I feel more proud of myself for keeping my kids alive, making my family happy, keeping them fed and running a happy, stable home.

You guys. I know this is all over the place and rambly. But it was something I just needed to type out. Its been on my mind forever. I hope at least one of you benefited from reading this! If you’re in a rut – you’ve got this. Promise. You’re doing so much better than you’re giving yourself credit for, too. Seriously. We’ve all got this!

10 Years of Up!

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Ten years ago today, Disney and Pixar released one of the arguably best movies of all time, Up! Both Disney and Pixar have so many movies that I could be celebrating anniversaries of movies every couple days here on my blog, but that would be a little much. But ‘Up’ deserves a post because not only this movie just incredible, wonderful and every other good thing in the world, it also has a very special, sentimental place in my heart. Up, like I said, has been a longtime favorite movie of mine. While we dated, Craig picked up on this. I was obsessed and he took note. So when he proposed to me, he proposed with an Up theme and it made the magical event, all the more amazing. He made me and Adventure Book, the spot he proposed was beside a huge bouquet of balloons, etc. He did good guys. So good. Therefore, Up will always hold a special spot in my heart. It seems fitting since there is such a sweet love story in the beginning of the movie (which I still can’t watch without sobbing).

Happy ten years to you, Up. Thanks for magic, laughs, tears and so much heart-warming.

I’m Still Kickin’

Oh hey! Long time, no see! Remember me?

Its been a while. But I don’t regret it. I feel like 2019 has already been the year of learning about myself, my limits, my strength, my weaknesses and my boundaries – and its only May! There has been a lot of soul searching and a lot of great realizations. I’m thankful for it, but I’m also exhausted by it. But its all good. It really is.

I’m hoping to start blogging semi-regularly, again. Will I actually? Yeah, who knows. Hopefully. But if I don’t, I’m not going to guilt trip myself. But if I do, then awesome! I’m excited!

Mostly I just wanted to drop in and say hi and remind you all that I still exist and that I’m just a happy little camper who hangs out with my boys all day and am living the mom dream.

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What We’re Lovin’

Ok, so since its been like…forever since I have done any kind of ‘monthly favorite’ type post, I just decided to round up a few of our favorite things we’ve been into lately (it was so hard to narrow stuff down!) and put them on here! They’re all over the place, so get ready fora wide array of things, and as always, I’d loooove to know what some of you and your families current favorite things are!!

Lets start with this.

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Have you heard of Grove Collaborative, yet? You guys!! I love it. Its basically a household cleaning (plus a little more) delivery service and the products are all safe in the home. I didn’t realize how important this was to me until I had kids and a dog. I want products in my home that if my kids got a hold of, they aren’t terribly dangerous. You know? Though I’m certainly not advising that you let your children play with cleaning supplies, no matter how safe it is. But anyway! You start by creating an account and picking products you want to have shipped to your house! I’m obsessed. I’ve also figured out I’m definitely a Method and Mrs. Meyer’s person. It is also motivating me to clean – so win, win! You should try this if you haven’t already, and if you have questions, send them my way! If you’d like a referral link, let me know and I’ll send it your way! (message me here or email me at ceeceesparkles@gmail.com – just give me your email!)

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On the topic of cleaning, I ordered these Microfiber Cleaning Cloths to go with all my fun Grove products and I didn’t know how much I’d love them! There are 24 and thats enough to let you always use one to clean, but still allow you some freedom to get a little behind on laundry, you know what I mean? Twenty-four may seem like a  lot, but its just right. I really love using these to clean.

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Now onto make up. I’ve found a new, cheap foundation that I’m a big fan of. Five stars. Two thumbs, way up. This is the Rimmel London Stay Matte foundation. A tiny bit goes a long way and its good coverage and stays on all day! I have several different shades depending on what shade of spray tan I am (or lack thereof). They’re cheap enough, too, that I don’t fell guilty at all about having so many. Need a new foundation? Try this one.

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This is a Morphe blush palette that I’ve been obsessed with. Pinky/orangey/coraly blush’s are my current jam and this palette is full of them.

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This is a terrible picture, but this is the Loreal Brow Stylist Definer in Dark Brunette. I am pretty addicted to the Anastasia Beverly Hills brow pencils, but I love this one too now and its so much more affordable! It works really well and truly stays all day (and all night – just in case you forget to take it off at night ha!)

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In January I decided to try out a Bullet Journal. I am awful at cute penmanship and I have no artsy ability whatsoever, but I’ve loved the creativity and openness this journal has given me. Its fun. Maybe someday if I’m feeling brave, I’ll post about my bullet journal and show you all the sorry attempts at being cute and creative. It’ll give you all a laugh.

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Ok. This is called Gorilla Snot Gel and that is the WORST possible name that could ever exist for any product, but! it works. Like really well. My boys have weird hair, especially H. Its thick, coarse, curly and near impossible to manage and this is the only thing I’ve found that can hold his hair in place. You know, until he decides to walk around on his head and back legs.

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These suitcases for my boys give me life. We have a fun trip coming up (any guesses where?) and I can’t wait to see my boys in the airport with these!! Also, why is waiting for an exciting upcoming trip so painfully slow?

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These sheets from The Trendy Treehouse are the best. They’re unique, soft and so stinkin’ adorable. My boys, who normally could care less about what their sheets look like, are even super into these.

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We’re ending on this. Toothpaste. Haha. H has started toothpaste that he can spit finally and this is the one we like the best. This is the Burt’s Bees for Kids Fluoride-Free toothpaste. It smells yummy, works well and I love that it doesn’t have fluoride, because we’re still mastering the art of not swallowing toothpaste.

 

Lately…

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Once again, I’m here explaining my absence. But unlike times previously, I’m not apologizing this time. I keep making grand goals, goals that are even very realistic for me, to blog more. But it just doesn’t happen because…life.

I am the mother of two little boys who are my whole world and who keep my very, very occupied. The only reason I’m even making a post now is because everyone is asleep for the night and I’m not tired yet because I took a long, amazing nap today after church. I have plenty of time throughout the day to post here and there, but I choose not to. I choose to use my time in other ways. And I’m perfectly happy with it. I mean, would it be great to have several more hours in the day? Oh, yes. But I’m also very content with the way I spend my 24 hours a day.

My boys and I are in a great groove. The house still gets messy more often than not, some dinners are more involved than others and sometimes I still go to bed feeling like I failed my family as a wife and mother, but for the most part I am happy and what feels more important to me, my family is happy. I’m figuring out ways to make sure I take care of myself and give myself some me-time, I’m figuring out how to best give my boys the separate, individual attention, nurturing and love they need, I’m figuring out how to best be the greatest version of the wife my husband deserves. I’ve been avoiding other things, such as my blog, in order to help myself figure these things out a little better each day.

However, I still want to be here. I still want to blog and I thiiiiiink I’m ready to make somewhat of a return. I’m excited. I have some ideas, but just know if I disappear again, its because I’m off doing things that feel more important to me at the moment.

I hope you’re all doing well!

xoxo