Happy Halloween!

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Happy Halloween, everyone!

I’m going to be honest, I have no idea what our plans are for today. I think because we had such awesome trick-or-treating at Disneyland a couple weeks ago I’m not being super gung-ho about making sure we do much today. Plus H isn’t really aware of whats going on either. We’ll definitely be rocking our costumes and going to grandparents houses and a few close friends, but that may be it! Maybe we’ll come home and turn all the lights off and watch a Halloween movie like we did last year. Who knows. I just know that tomorrow is November and thats the month I’m due and thats really all my brain can focus on, lately.

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Have a happy day, eat all the candy (with no regrets) and be safe.

xoxo

ceeceesparkles

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October GBOMB

October. I have lots of feelings about this month. I was really emotional, really down on myself and hormonal and stressed out. I never felt like I was doing a good enough job and had lots of breakdowns. But it was also really good. I hit 8 months pregnant. We went to Disneyland. I found my mojo (towards the end – nesting maybe?) and got so much done and finally felt accomplished and proud. Most of all, I have been wishing October away because November is due date month and I CANNOT WAIT.

GOOD

  • 7518886848_PY1A3666We went to Disneyland with my family and as usual, it was perfect and magical and a much needed getaway. I was 35 weeks so I couldn’t do much, had low energy and limited mobility but it was still a blast. H was so much fun and was in Disney heaven. I ate way too much (is that even a thing?), took lots of pictures and we made so many new, happy memories that I really will treasure for a long time. I was so excited we were able to make a 5 day trip happen before baby brother came.
  • My body is progressing and getting ready for little brother. Being checked at my last couple appointments have been really excited because stuff is happening!!
  • I’m ready for baby. Everything is washed, put away and in place.
  • General Conference was at the beginning of the month and we spent it in my families condo in Eden. It was the best weekend and the messages were incredible. I was so happy because I was able to take notes on every speaker because H was being so good. There is something so rejuvenating about listening to these speakers with such inspired words that are somehow always exactly what you need to hear. IMG_0124
  • Our Halloween costumes are awesome. We got to wear them already at Mickey’s Halloween Party in Disneyland and seeing how excited H gets about them makes them even better. H’s current favorite movie is Monsters Inc/University, so we did a Monsters theme. Wild Man is Sulley, H is Mike and I am Boo (pajamas!)
  • The weather is finally good enough that I can wear my fall maternity clothes. I’ve been looking forward to this…my whole pregnancy!! I have some maternity sweaters that are what dreams are made of, you guys. My mom also found me some maternity leggings from Target that are now probably all I’ll wear the rest of this pregnancy and I will not be ashamed of that in the least bit. Heck, I’ll probably wear them long after baby is born, too.
  • Speaking of clothes, I finally found a robe I was happy with to buy for the hospital and recovery after baby. Its just grey but its the comfiest thing on earth and I am so excited to start wearing it. After H was born I lived in my robe (or just garments…) for a long period of time. I don’t plan on doing anything differently this time around so I’m very happy to have a robe I’ll be happy to live in.

BAD

  • Hormones were EVERYWHERE. I cried in October more than any other month of my pregnancy. Everything tipped me over the edge and led to a breakdown. Happy things, sad things, things that didn’t matter – you name it, I cried about it. Thankfully Wild Man is the best and helped me so much while I’d have these episodes.
  • The end of pregnancy just hurts. Everything hurts and I move like a woman who is 150 years old. I’m exhausted, waddly, puffy, squishy and definitely ready to have a baby. I’m bad at the last couple weeks and the agony of waiting.
  • I think my postpartum anxiety is already here and in full swing. I don’t want to go into details because I’m sure it’ll just act as a trigger to me, but I’m nervous. I’m dreading it. However I have plans – that hopefully I can stick to – to be more vocal about what I’m feeling and standing up for myself and my family and what I think is right for us, not anyone else, in hopes that it will help ease the anxiety. Wish me luck.
  • If detailed pregnancy discomfort makes you uncomfortable, skip this bullet point. My freaking pelvic area kills! My crotch pops all the time and its a pain I could never explain. Rolling in bed, sneezing, walking too fast, separating my legs too far and other silly things make them pop or grind and it sounds like gravel and it is the WORST. It hurts so bad. This better go away after baby is born because I don’t know how I could live like this much longer. IMG_0361

ON MY BRAIN

  • Do I know how to be a mom of two? I don’t think I’ve really mastered being a mom of one yet so how will I do with two? Its nerve wracking but also so exciting. Mostly I just hope I figure it out quickly.
  • How in the world is H going to be two in November? How does time move that fast? This whole pregnancy I’ve been eagerly looking forward to November because of my due date but equally being sad about November because it would mean I’d have  a two year old. I’m so glad he’s growing healthy and strong and developing right, learning so much, etc, but watching your tiny baby get bigger and bigger each day really tugs at your heart strings.
  • Isn’t it funny how fast dogs become part of your family? We have had Penny since June and half the time (ok, probably more than half the time) she drives me crazy, but during October she had a few health/body scares that all turned out to be nothing, but while they were happening they really stressed me out. I realized how much I love this wild puppy and want her to be happy and healthy.
  • I am full of anxiety anyway, but if I’m anything like I was after having H its going to get a whole lot worse after baby is born. One of the biggest triggers for me for whatever reason is unexpected visitors. With naps, my lack of appropriate clothing I’ll be wearing, postpartum hormones, etc I’m already panicking about random visitors. So I’ve decided I’m declaring that if you want to come to my house within the first couple months of me having a baby you must set up an appointment. This sounds silly, but I know it will do my mind wonders. I will not answer the door unless I am expecting you. It seems a little mean probably but I feel so, so good about this decision and I already feel so much calmer about those tiny newborn weeks since deciding on this.
  • Everything about delivery is something I’m super looking forward to except being away from H. Fun Fact: I’ve never been away from him longer than a few hours. I’m very attached to my boy (thanks, anxiety) so the thought of spending a few days in the hospital away from my sweet boy rips my heart out. I know that he will be brought to the hospital a few times to visit and for pictures and stuff, but I’m already worried about how hard night time will be for me to be away from him. Hopefully it won’t be hard for him, too. Ugh. I loved being in the hospital when I had H, but I feel like my attitude will be pretty different with baby #2.
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xoxo

ceeceesparkles

Disneyland – October 2017

*WARNING: Also no surprise, this is a picture overload post. It was impossible for me to choose only a couple pictures I wanted on this post.

I really, really hoped that we could squeeze in a Disneyland trip before baby was born. Initially I was thinking September would be ideal but as it turned out, October was the only thing we could really make work. I knew it would be a little risky because in October I hit 8 months pregnant, but its gonna take a lot more than that to keep me and my family away from a Disney Park. We spent five days there and I can safely say that all five days were pure magic and happiness. They were also full of exhaustion and very swollen feet, ankles and legs – but thats besides the point.

We had Mickey’s Halloween Party the first day and it was great. Although can I say something slightly negative? I don’t feel like Disneyland’s candy was as good this year as it usually is.. If you ask Wild Man about this he will be very vocal about the lack of Butterfingers in our trick-or-treat bags. Besides that, no complaints. Disney knows how to do a Halloween Party. One of H’s current favorite movies is Monsters Inc and Monsters University so we decided that would be our costume theme this year. Wild Man was Sulley, H was Mike and I was Boo – which also meant I got to wear pajamas to Disneyland! What more could a giant pregnant lady ask for? Usually we make our Halloween costumes. I love handmade costumes because they are so personal and they are one of a kind. But this year we were just a little too busy and a little too sick so we reluctantly purchased these costumes (mine was pieces I found from Amazon). I was bummed about it at first, but they really didn’t turn out too bad. Wild Man’s costume cracks me up and H felt like the star of the show in his – so it was a success.

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My cute sisters dressed up too. One was Jane Goodall and the other was Mia Thermopolis (Princess Diaries) and HOW CUTE ARE THEY?

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There were four huge highlights of this trip for me.

  1. H’s love of Carousels. King Arthurs Carousel was an instant hit. He loved riding his “howa,” (horse) and you could not wipe the giant smile off his sweet little face. He would laugh and laugh and squeal with excitement and his reaction was contagious, as he made everyone else around him laugh and smile. It was so happy. Pure. Magic. There was nothing more exciting to him and it was so special to me. I love my happy, Disney boy.
  2. The second highlight was watching the Disney Junior Live show in California Adventure. Just Wild Man and I took him to this. Its a show where you sit on the floor and watch as Disney characters dance on stage and put on a little show. Things fall from the ceiling, there are fun songs and lots of dancing. H was in heaven. It was so special. Then when Mickey and Minnie came out on stage at the end, H squealed, jumped and covered his mouth with pure excitement and I couldn’t help myself from the flood of tears that came over me. There is nothing like seeing Disney magic through your little ones eyes.
  3. Third, our last day in Disneyland Wild Man and I were doing some shopping and a girl that was probably in her early twenties approached us with a Mickey Mouse balloon that lit up and asked if H wanted it. She had apparently bought it but then decided she didn’t want it. Another very magical moment. Every time we passed the Cast Members who would hold the large bunch of balloons H would excitedly point at them and reach for them. Maybe I am a lame mom but I never wanted to get him one because they are pretty pricy and I’d rather spend money on something that won’t deflate after a while, you know? So this was kind of a once in a lifetime opportunity for H haha. The way his little face lit up when she handed the balloon to him was so special. He hugged the balloon and was so proud of his new souvenir.
  4. The last highlight is the biggest highlight and the most magical, special thing that happened and I have a hard time believing that anything could top this. I am tearing up just preparing to type this. Ok. One of our days in California Adventure we were in Cars Land and our group went on Radiator Springs Racers. H and I couldn’t join in on that ride so we decided to just wander the streets of Cars Land. We went into a small shop to look around before being in the store for a full 30 seconds, a tiny, frail, little old man approached me and asked, “could I buy a gift for your son?” Before I could answer him he kept on speaking and told me that he was never blessed with grandchildren but he loves kids. He comes to Disneyland once a week and every time he does he adopts an honorary grandchild and buys them a gift to remember their vacation to Disneyland and also him – Grandpa Perry. He told me that he and his wife used to live about an hour away and would visit the park as often as they could. She died 14 years ago and when that happened he moved to Anaheim so he could be in Disneyland, his happy place, more often and its been that long that he’s come once a week and made these magical moments for his honorary grandchildren. How could you not hear this sweet old mans story and not sob? It was impossible for me and I don’t think it was just pregnancy hormones, either. Together, he and H chose a pair of Cars Mickey Mouse ears and a Cars pinwheel with candy inside of it. I thanked him a million times. He gave me his email address so I could email him pictures of H in the ears, then he kissed H’s head and went on his way. I will never forget Grandpa Perry and I am so grateful that H gets to be one of his many honorary grandchildren.

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I ate an absurd amount of treats on this trip. But thats what you’re supposed to do in Disneyland so I have absolutely no shame.

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Because I was 35 weeks pregnant while on this trip, we decided to stay on the side of safety and have me use a wheelchair. It was kind of embarrassing, but it also saved me. My cute sisters were my chauffeurs most of the time and they are troopers!

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Meeting characters was different this trip. In our past several trips to Disneyland H is all over the characters and very excited by them. This time he was much more timid and shy. He was still totally excited, but also needed to have a good grip on me the whole time while meeting them and wasn’t too keen on giving the usual big hugs that he has given them in the past. I thought it was so cute.

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The picture below is one of my very favorites. H has this new thing where he roars at everything. A ton of our pictures from this trip include H roaring. My dad took the picture below and was standing under a monster decoration in Cars Land and H could not stop roaring at it and my dad. It cracked me up and the picture turn out so good!

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It was such a fun, magical trip. I know this post is a little spacey and all over. But I have some plans of doing more specific Disney posts in the future (maybe the far future because hopefully baby comes soon!!) but for now, here is my picture dump. Right now we are focused on finishing the last couple things up before little brother makes his arrival, but after those first few weeks of newborn heaven you better believe I’ll be chomping at the bit to get back to our happy place with our new family of four!

xoxo

ceeceesparkles

Pray. Say thank you. 

I woke up with my husband this morning – which is code for: I woke up really early this morning. Like 5 or something gross like that. Of course, he didn’t know I woke up because I laid there with my eyes closed trying desperately to fall back asleep. I’m almost 35 weeks pregnant, so it’s no surprise that I didn’t have a great night of sleep last night. Our sweet little H who has been struggling to sleep all night lately laid beside me sleeping soundly and I was jealous. He looked so relaxed. So I tried really, really hard to fall back asleep. But every time I felt like I was at the brink of sleep, something would wake me up again. A movement from H, a sound from Wild Man out in the kitchen, a wiggle from baby boy, a sharp pain in my hip or another charlie horse in my leg. It was weird. It was like everything but my own brain was telling me to stay awake. 

I heard Wild Man leave and I could hear the dog adjust in her kennel out in the living room. Then there was silence. I laid in our dark room with my eyes open just wishing I was asleep. There seemed to be absolutely no reason to be awake at such an early hour. Then, what felt like out of nowhere I had a thought pop into my head: Pray. Say thank you. 

I’m a little bit embarrassed to say I didn’t immediately start a prayer. H was wiggling around and I was watching his funny little sleeping faces. Baby boy was also wiggling and I was trying to figure out what body part it was I could feel. I knew I should pray, but I guess in my mind I thought it could wait so I brushed it off. Both of my boys settled again and as I sat in the stillness and quiet and looked at H’s perfect little face I heard it run through my mind again: Pray! Say thank you! This time the thought was accompanied with a realization that it is because of Heavenly Father, who I pray to, that I have my sweet, healthy, almost two year old, my wiggly baby boy in my stomach and an incredible husband. I knew exactly what I was supposed to say thank you for now. 

I didn’t even sit up or kneel. I stayed in the same position in bed with my toddlers left arm draped over my face and his feet tucked under my belly. I closed my eyes and said a prayer in my mind. I thanked Heavenly Father for my many, many blessings – especially for my wonderful family. It wasn’t a long prayer and it didn’t feel particularly powerful. When I finished it, I didn’t feel as if I’d had some incredible experience. But as I sat there I came to realize I was feeling something I haven’t really felt the past week. 

I felt peace

I’m not sure what it’s been about the past little while in my life, but it’s been hard for me not to feel overwhelmed, inadequate or like I’m doing my role as a wife and mother. I have been easily upset at myself, I’ve been impatient, emotional and feeling very off. It’s been a struggle. I have a lot of craziness running through me, likely since I’ll be having a baby soon – but I felt like there was even more to it. I was a mess and my mind was a mess and (a lot like my house, lately) I couldn’t get it cleaned up and organized which just caused me to feel less and less peaceful and…ok. 

My shoulders felt a little lighter after this prayer. I felt like the elephant that’s been crushing my chest lately was gone – or at least less paralyzing – and I could feel my regular happiness starting to familiarize itself with my body again. That’s when I realized that this whole time I’ve been feeling miserable for myself, I’d been praying the whole time, but I was always asking for things. I was asking for help. Begging for relief. For things to go my way.  Complaining and venting. But I never stopped to take the time to pray about what was going right – what I was thankful for. It hit me like a ton of bricks. THATS why I was feeling off and that’s why my life seemed as if it had a little extra level of difficulty to it that I couldn’t figure out how to effectively combat. I wasn’t thanking Heavenly Father for my blessings! 

The sun hasn’t even come up yet. It’s not even 7 in the morning yet. Who knows if I’ll fall back asleep this morning or not. But I am grateful I woke up at 5am this morning (NEVER thought I’d say that) and they I finally said a prayer of thanks. I hope it has set the tone for my day. I hope this can be what flips this weird month around for me. I hope I will remember this experience and not go so long without being thankful for my blessings. I feel so good. I feel so light and happy. I feel like I was a dead battery and am now fully charged and ready to go. My mind is much clearer. 

It’s funny how the Lord works sometimes. But it’s always in the most perfect way for our individual needs. He answers prayers in His own way and His own timing and it’s always just what we need. 

Now let’s hope that with all this newfound light and clarity, my body and house can get on board 😉 

xoxo

ceeceesparkles 

How I Deal With a Bad Day

This morning was one of those days where I learned very quickly after waking up that I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, wasn’t feeling well and was just feeling off. I’m sure it had nothing to do with the fact that my almost two year old refuses to sleep in his crib lately (only wants mom and dads bed) and doesn’t fall asleep until waaaaaay past his bedtime, has a cold so he wakes up lots in the middle of the night – which in turn wakes me up – and that I am almost 8 months pregnant. Couldn’t be that right? 😉

I didn’t want to get out of bed. Thankfully the dog slept in for a while so I didn’t have to get up to take her outside as early as I usually do so I just laid in bed with H for a whole extra hour until he was finally so sick of just laying there that he insisted we get up. I grouchily got out of bed and threw some clothes on that I pulled out of my dirty clothes hamper. We did our little morning routine and I was very much not myself and wasn’t very patient with myself, my son or the dog. I looked at the clock and it was 9:15am and I realized that I already felt like my day was ‘ruined.’ I hated that. I didn’t want the morning to set the tone of the rest of my day. H was being sweet and happy and the dog was actually being really obedient. There was no one to blame for my grumpy attitude except for myself. So I made the decision while we ate breakfast that I was going to actively change my day and *hopefully* my mood, also. I went to bed last night with a lot of mom/wife guilt and I didn’t want to do that again tonight.

Whenever I feel bummed out like that I typically try to change the day around. I believe I’m in control of my own attitude and thats a very powerful tool I have. Sometimes I try harder than others to make the day good, but on the days I really do try, there is a difference and I find that as I lay in bed that night I’m proud of myself and the effort I put forth.

This is how I combat a bad day. Like I said, sometimes it works a lot better than other times – but thankfully today its worked pretty well. Of course its only 1:30pm so theres still a lot of day left, but I’m determined to keep on being persistent in making sure I make this a much better day than it started.

  • Get dressed and put on make up. If I am in an actual outfit (not pajamas, sweats or leggings and a giant t-shirt) I feel better about myself. When I wear make up I am almost always in a better mood. When I allow myself to be so lazy that I skip both of these steps in the morning I typically realize that I’m a little less happy that day. Today I threw on a comfy maternity dress, put on a full but simple face of makeup and worked on a new top knot and it was the start of something good, for sure.
  • Make the bed. I don’t even know why, but a bed thats made just make you happier. Even if you didn’t make it until noon.
  • Count my blessings. This one really helped me out this morning. I especially focused on my sweet husband and son. I sent a text to Wild Man thanking him for all he does for our family and I talked to H about how much I love him. It filled my heart with gratitude and gave me something else to think about besides how tired, annoyed and grouchy I was.
  • Eat a treat. I don’t care what time it is. Its never too early for a treat. Treats help. They make me happier so its 100% justifiable to me and I will stick by that. This morning I had a piece of licorice and laugh all you want, it played a significant role in turning my mood.
  • Read a scripture or two. Sometimes you happen upon that verse that you feel like was written just for you. Thats one of the most amazing ways to feel God’s love for you. Even if it doesn’t speak to you so powerfully, its a nice reminder of something to strive towards or internalize and really ponder throughout your day.
  • Pray. Duh. It always helps. Our prayers are heard and we can be comforted, guided and blessed through it.
  • Do what makes me happy. The #1 thing that makes me the happiest right now is spending time with H and Wild Man. Uninterrupted time with my boys is the most powerful form of therapy for me. Since Wild Man is at work, I sat with H in his room. We talked, read books and played with cars. I laughed at his funny little mannerisms and unique characteristics. He gave me random hugs and would sit on my lap and lay his head on my chest. He’d laugh at the silliest of things. It lifted my heart in a way nothing else could have.
  • Clean. A clean house does wonders for the soul. I think clearer. I feel happier. My load is lighter. Its a sure way to perk me up when I’m feeling down.
  • If the motivation to do so is lacking – push yourself. This is what I struggle with the very most. Its so easy for motivation to straighten my home to fly out the window on days I feel like this. I’ve found that on the days I physically make myself buck up and get housework done I always end up feeling better, lighter, cleaner, prouder and I just feel better because my house no longer looks like a bomb went off in it.
  • Let it out. Its never healthy to keep thoughts and feelings inside. Eventually they explode out in a very exhausting way (for me) and I find myself wishing I would have voiced things as they were happening instead of when there was too much to process anymore and it causes me to just lay in bed and cry. (i’m not the only one this dramatic, right? right?) Even if its just sending a quick text to your spouse telling them why you’re frustrated or emotional – it helps! Just don’t keep it in. It always makes it worse. At least in my experience…
  • Take a nap. If I’m ever given the opportunity to nap – I will! I know naps aren’t meant for everyone. Wild Man swears naps make him wake up groggier and crankier. So obviously for him naps are not the answer. But naps for me are PHENOMENAL. Even when I’m not huge and pregnant naps are so healing for me. They don’t have to be super long even. Sometimes its just nice to completely turn off for a bit.
  • Get outside. Some fresh air is really as therapeutic and healing as everyone says! Its a change of scenery and a change of perspective.
  • Give service. We’ve all heard how the best way to be happier is to forget yourself and serve someone else, right? It sounds like a lot of work but its absolutely the truth. Service makes you feel better.
  • Give yourself time and patience. We can’t always be happy and on top of our game. I think its important to recognize that life can’t always be perfect and carefree, full of smiles. Its ok to have a bad day or feel different sometimes. Its just part of the journey. I love myself more when I allow myself to feel and to understand that its not a bad thing to be sad or feel off. It is perfectly normal to have our emotions change!

xoxo

ceeceesparkles

October So Far

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Oh wow. Just like that its October 10th. Where the heck does time go? I have been really slacking on this blogging thing. I’ve even scheduled out time for myself to sit down and blog after H has gone to bed but I somehow always decide that taking a bath, eating ice cream or just going to bed myself is a better option. I want to be a more dedicated blogger. Remember when I used to blog almost daily?? Where’d that girl go? cause she sure isn’t here anymore! I kind of feel like its been good for me, too. For a while my blog probably took priority over things that it shouldn’t have. I’ve been able to find a better balance of when to blog and when to be a wife/mom and productive human. Will I blog better now? I make no guarantees. Hopefully October will pop out a few more posts. November will probably have a few but once baby is born (because I’M DUE NEXT MONTH!) I highly doubt that I’ll be very consistent. I have plans for some fun Christmas/wintery posts for December but we’ll see if those happen or not. Basically what I’m saying is I still love blogging but I’ll do it when I have time.

Even though my last post was a GBOMB I still feel like I have several recent updates. So I guess this post is now turning into a bullet point list talking about things that have happened to us so far this month.. Basically a GBOMB a few weeks early I guess.

  • We watched General Conference (and i was able to take notes on every speaker because H was being an angel baby!) at my parents beautiful condo in Eden, Utah. It was a perfect, relaxing weekend and it was a recharge I didn’t even know I was so terribly in need of.
  • Baby is no longer breech!! Also, I’m 34 weeks pregnant (yesterday).
  • I’ve been bit by the holiday baking bug. Have I actually baked much yet? No. Just some pumpkin chocolate chip bread and a cake – but I have lots of plans for upcoming treats to bake during the next couple of months.
  • October means I can now say I am due next month!! I am so stinkin’ excited. I actually feel a lot more prepared for his arrival than I thought I would. That worries me a little to be honest because theres no way I’m completely ready a whole month in advance, right? I have to be forgetting something – don’t I? But then why can’t I think of what that is?
  • Our cute puppy got spayed and I had high hopes that she’d be lazy and out of it for a few days. No. She was out the day we brought her home and was back to her usual hyper, crazed self the very next day. Darn.
  • H and I have both been battling colds. Never fun. But next week we have big, exciting plans so I’m glad we’re getting this over with before then. Assuming that the colds will actually be gone by then!
  • Our nephew was baptized and our niece was blessed. Those are two ordinances that I’m always particularly excited about. They’re so special and exciting and help remind me of the blessings and promises I have been given.
  • H is talking SO much more lately. Its so much fun and so cute to see how he pronounces words.
  • We decorated for Halloween and it literally made me emotional. I LOVE the holiday seasons. October through December are the. best. ever.

xoxo

ceeceesparkles

September GBOMB

September brought all the emotions, all the feelings and all the thoughts, stress and smiles. This month had it all, folks. I had a lot of self realization happen. I was able to break out (a little bit) of my shell. I’ve felt braver. I’ve felt more vulnerable. I’ve felt terrified and unqualified – and so, so much more. As I’m sitting here writing out the goods, the bads and the on my minds it probably doesn’t sound like a ton but it was a crazy month for me – especially in my brain. And I needed that. So was September hard sometimes? Yep. But it was also really good and I learned a lot. And wow did my pregnancy hormones take me for a ride…

GOOD

  • Fall started!
  • I got a new phone. I didn’t think I’d be as excited as I am. I had the 6 Plus and now I have the 7 Plus. The camera is incredible and its fast and dependable. I am so happy about this upgrade. IMG_7712
  • I’ve been on a mission to find a drugstore foundation that I like and finally after 5 or 6 different products, I have found one! I hate to be that girl…but I’m not telling you what it is yet because I’m going to be doing a post on the whole ordeal. But guys. I’m really excited about it. I was about to believe that drugstore foundations and me just didn’t mix.
  • Confrontation and saying no and putting my feelings first is reeeeeeeeeeeally hard for me. It gives me the worst anxiety and just ask Wild Man, if I even have to consider saying something to someone that may hurt their feelings I have full on breakdowns. BUT I have made a tiny (probably incredibly tiny) bit of progress this month! Even a small victory in this department is a huge deal to me because this scares the HECK out of me.
  • Along with the bullet point above, I’m learning and realizing its important to put myself first and it doesn’t make me selfish and I shouldn’t feel guilty about that.

BAD

  • It was a painful month. This pregnancy is doing a number on my body. I have SPD and thats the trickiest, hardest part for sure. My hips, legs, back and pelvic area are in excruciating pain like 99% of the time. I try really, really hard not to whine about it but sometimes its awful – especially at night.
  • I have had approximately 10,000 emotional breakdowns this month. Half the time I don’t even know why they’re happening. Its exhausting and has given me some killer headaches. IMG_7631
  • Baby Boy is breach right now. Maybe he’ll flip and get in the right position and all will be well inside my chaotic brain. Or maybe he won’t and I’ll either have to have him moved while he’s still in my belly and if that doesn’t work have a c-section. This isn’t really a bad thing, but its not necessarily what anyone plans for so I’m still wrapping my brain around the fact that it could happen. Mostly I just wish he’d flip. His head in my ribcage is actually pretty painful. But he’ll do what he wants and I’ll do whatever it takes to get him here in the safest route for him.

ON MY BRAIN

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  • The pre-baby worry is setting in. Does that surprise you? It shouldn’t. I’m starting to worry that I’ll forget something when we get to the hospital, I’m worried I think that I have everything I need for baby but then I’ll realize I’ve forgotten something pretty big. I’m worried about all the scary things that could happen during birth that I choose not to think much more about. I’m nervous I’ll take forever to figure out how to equally divide my time between H and baby boy and that one will feel a little more neglected than the other. I’m worried that H will take the change really hard and I won’t know how to help him like I should. Just all the worries.
  • I started using Instagram Stories and I’m still deciding how I like it. I still use Snapchat and I probably still use it more than Instagram. The filters definitely aren’t as good on Instagram – there is a dog filter but when you open your mouth a tongue doesn’t hang out and H is highly disappointed in that. I don’t actually mind posting stories on Instagram, I think the thing thats most troubling to me is that its highly overwhelming to watch everyone else’s stories. I follow a few like 800 people or something – its 100% impossible to watch everyones stories. Thats hard for me.
  • We are coming up on busy season in my family. In September my sister, two nephews and a very close cousin had birthdays. In October we have a big fun trip, my moms birthday and Halloween. In November we have our anniversary, my dads birthday, a nieces birthday, H’s birthday, my due date and Thanksgiving. In December we have my sisters birthday, my birthday, Christmas and a brother in laws birthday. Busy, busy. But also my favorite time of year.

xoxo

ceeceesparkles