Mom Life Realness

I don’t know what it is, but lately day to day life has been hard! My boys have been hard and emotional. I feel like I’ve lost all of my mom-skills. My brain is scattered. My motivation is is chaotically unpredictable. My emotions, especially my anxiety, are all over the map. I feel guilt about everything – all the things. I feel like I’m just trying to survive each day and make it to bedtime without a meltdown or blow up.

I know its just a phase, but geez its exhausting! Being a mom is crazy and quite literally all the emotions and just when you think you’ve got the hang of it, you learn that you actually don’t.

What a ride!

 

Advertisements

STOP and Smell the Roses

A couple of posts back I talked briefly about how lately I feel like I’ve been learning so much about myself and about my life. Today I wanted to tan a little more deeply about one thing I’ve really been learning and figuring out lately, because its been a game changer for me. Its taken some time to rewire my brain to be this way, and it still takes effort, but I am so happy to have finally started to really learn this and implement it in my life.

I’ve realized that its ok not to do it all.

Like, duh. I knew that, but I never really allowed myself to believe it was actually ok. I used to think that if I went to bed and the house was still a mess, the dishes weren’t done or the laundry hadn’t been put away, it meant I failed the day and I’d beat myself up about it. I believed that if my dinners I’d planned for the week were easy and not as healthy as I felt they should be or not as nice as another family members surely would be, I’d failed my family. When my kids stayed in their pajamas all day, I was sure it meant I wasn’t a very fit mother. If I wasn’t doing my ministering or excelling spiritually as much as I thought/knew I should, I was embarrassed and discouraged. I didn’t want to admit it, but I realized and finally acknowledged that I was comparing myself to other people.

It got exhausting and I felt like my own self worth and self respect was being flushed down the toilet. I was going to bed sadder and more defeated every night. Something had to change. So I did what I do best when I need inspiration and a pick-me-up. I listened to lots of General Conference talks. As I did I kept getting the same overall feelings – its ok not to do it all, its ok to slow down and Heavenly Father doesn’t compare me to other people, so neither should I.

I’m perfectly ok to move at my own speed, as long as I’m trying to move forward. I don’t have to be whatever my idea of perfect is. I just need to trust my gut, be there for my kids, my husband and myself and give myself credit where its due. I need to stop comparing myself to other people, because more than likely they aren’t feeling as 100% as they seem online. Thats what I’ve been doing and its been incredible. The love I have for myself is different now. I recognize more good in myself than bad. I don’t go to bed feeling like such a failure as a mom/wife/human. I feel more proud of myself for keeping my kids alive, making my family happy, keeping them fed and running a happy, stable home.

You guys. I know this is all over the place and rambly. But it was something I just needed to type out. Its been on my mind forever. I hope at least one of you benefited from reading this! If you’re in a rut – you’ve got this. Promise. You’re doing so much better than you’re giving yourself credit for, too. Seriously. We’ve all got this!

I’m Still Kickin’

Oh hey! Long time, no see! Remember me?

Its been a while. But I don’t regret it. I feel like 2019 has already been the year of learning about myself, my limits, my strength, my weaknesses and my boundaries – and its only May! There has been a lot of soul searching and a lot of great realizations. I’m thankful for it, but I’m also exhausted by it. But its all good. It really is.

I’m hoping to start blogging semi-regularly, again. Will I actually? Yeah, who knows. Hopefully. But if I don’t, I’m not going to guilt trip myself. But if I do, then awesome! I’m excited!

Mostly I just wanted to drop in and say hi and remind you all that I still exist and that I’m just a happy little camper who hangs out with my boys all day and am living the mom dream.

IMG_2412

28 Pieces of Advice

On my birthday I meant to post 28 pieces of advice since thats how old I turned and because I’ve learned a thing or two in my 28 years of living. But, I decided to take a break from most social media (the blog included) in December, so I clearly didn’t get around to posting that. Instead, I’m posting it now! I’m obviously no professional on how to live a wonderful, happy life and I don’t have all the answers to life and its problems, but I do have some advice on how to feel better and live a little happier. Enjoy!

  1. Don’t be ashamed of being exactly who you are.
  2. Wash your face every morning and every night. It doesn’t take as long as you think it will and its good for you. Also your old lady/man self will thank you for it.
  3. Drink a lot of soda, but also drink water. Find a healthy balance there. Its hard, but try.
  4. Stand up for what you believe in. If you can’t stand up for it, how much do you believe in it?
  5. Do or say something nice to someone else at least once a day. It will change you.
  6. Do or say something nice to yourself at least once a day. It will change you.
  7. Try yoga. Just give it a shot. Life changing.
  8. Find a creative outlet and let it be a getaway for you. It can be scrapbooking, drawing, writing, dancing, making movies, etc. Just do something that lets you escape from time to time.
  9. Don’t think you can do it all. Ask for help and know its ok to say no or take a break when you need one.
  10. Go to Disneyland. Because, duh! If this isn’t an option, binge watch lots of Disneyland YouTube videos. Everyone needs Disney magic in their lives and I will preach this until the day I die.
  11. Laugh at yourself. Its amazing how problems seem to lighten when you have the control to laugh at yourself and not take things so seriously. It takes work, but when its happening, its awesome.
  12. Don’t let social media dictate how you live your life. Do what makes you happy, not what you think you’re supposed to do because ‘everyone else is doing it.’
  13. Sing in the car – even when you’re at a stop light and the person in the car next to you might see your performance.
  14. Take a lot of pictures. Every day! You’ll never regret the number of pictures you have.
  15. Be happy for other people and don’t put others down. Have you heard that quote, “we rise by lifting others?” I love it and I try really hard to live by it.
  16. Pray every morning and every night.
  17. Use your manners. Plain and simple.
  18. Work hard at whatever it is you’re doing. Ron Swanson (from Parks and Rec) has a quote I think about all the time, and while its super funny, its also super relevant. He says, “Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.”
  19. Be a helpful human. Ask people how you can help them, but also serve without asking what a person needs too, sometimes.
  20. Get enough sleep. Its fun to pretend you don’t need it, but then lack of sleep catches up to you and crap hits the fan.
  21. Create or maintain a good relationship with your grandparents, or someone significantly older than you. I swear some of my greatest lessons and conversations in life come from my grandparents. They know so much and can offer so much wisdom.
  22. Get a really good vacuum and broom. I did that recently and I had no idea just how much of a mood booster it would be.
  23. Occasionally spend time with yourself. Its nice to be alone with yourself and your thoughts sometimes. Its a good reset.
  24. If someone offers to let you hold their baby, do it. There is magic in those tiny adorable little ones. (but also don’t kiss that babies face, no matter how adorable it is – you’ve seen the articles)
  25. Go on walks. Its exercise. Its time outside in the fresh air. Its like a small little therapy session for you body and soul.
  26. Smile at yourself in the mirror. Its awkward at first, but then it starts changing you and how you feel about yourself. Serious.
  27. Don’t be ashamed of wearing comfy clothes more than you wear a pair of jeans and a blouse. Theres no shame in wanting to feel cozy.
  28. My last piece of advice is a song lyric, its my life motto, if you will: “…Try to show kindness in all that you do. Be gentle and loving in deed and in thought…”

Happy 2019!

Happy New Year (a few days late)!

IMG_7694.png

I’ve decided to begin 2019 in a way I haven’t started a year in…well forever, I think. As I was looking back at my last few years and the resolutions I’ve set, the word I’ve picked to be my focus for the year, etc, I realized they made me feel bummed out. As I read over my goals and read about all the hopes I had about applying a word to my year, I found I didn’t feel happy. I felt ashamed that I didn’t push myself harder. I felt like I needed a redo for all those years so I could feel better about accomplishing the goals I set for that particular year.

So this year I decided I’m not doing that. This year I don’t have a long list of goals that I more than likely won’t achieve because for me, they aren’t realistic (that always seems to be how my goals were). Instead, I picked a small handful of goals that fall under the category of spiritual, physical and other. They’re all realistic, they’re all going to be good for me and they’re all definitely achievable. I didn’t put a goal on my list of losing 10 pounds, because thats not going to happen. I didn’t put a goal on to read the Book of Mormon x amount of times in the year, because thats not going to happen. I didn’t put a goal on to do anything that I knew in reality I wouldn’t do, but only put on my list because that seems like the ‘cool’ thing to do or because it seems to be what everyone else is doing. Instead I have really simple goals that are small but will be meaningful to me as I take on my 2019. Most of my goals are very private to me, but a few are things such as kneeling for my morning and nightly prayers, reading a General Conference talk at least once a week, making monthly temple trips a goal (but not beating myself up if I don’t get there), drinking more water – but not cutting off soda, getting certified in CPR and doing an act of service as often as I can. They’re things that are going to push me, but will also be exciting for me to work towards. Its a small list too, which in theory will make me more motivated to get to work on them. I’m really excited.

As for my word for the year? I don’t really have one. However if I had to chose one, the word would be, Self. 2018 was a good year, but as I reflected on it, I realized I lost myself, especially towards the end of the year. I just got caught up in other things – good things, even – but I kept pushing myself and my love and interests under the rug and didn’t care to care for myself and make sure I’m doing ok physically, mentally and spiritually. You know? I think this is a common thing that happens to moms, but I’m just hyper aware of it right now. I’m excited to do a lot of self care this year. I’m going to rediscover myself and take care of myself while also being the best mom and wife I know how to be. Maybe, if I feel up to it, I’ll have a word of the month or word of the week, but as for an overall word of the year…I’m just passing this year. Maybe I’ll have one for 2020.

I hope your new year is wonderful. I hope you do great on your resolutions or lack there of. I hope you find joy and happiness within yourself and your heart is light and happy. Thanks for sticking around for yet another year as I pretend I’m a blogger 😉 I appreciate each and every one of you. Happy 2019!

Self Respect Journey

You are kind. You are smart. You are a friend. You are worth it.

I tell my kids this at least once every day. I don’t miss a day saying this because I want my children to remember this. They are young and likely aren’t comprehending what I’m saying yet, but I believe that the more they hear it, the more it will become a part of them. I want them to always love and respect themselves. I want them to believe in themselves. I want them to have confidence in themselves and in turn, I want them to make other people feel good about themselves. I want them to have the ability and the knowledge that they can change their little corner of the world by being a good person. I know there will be days when confidence and self-respect isn’t the easiest thing for them, but I hope they have the tools to combat those negative feelings and I hope they know they can turn to their parents and siblings for a boost in the way they are feeling and the way they are viewing themselves.

As I was thinking about all these things I want for my kids, the thought popped into my head that kids learn by example and they copy what they see. I need to practice what I’m preaching to my babies. I need to be kind. I need to believe I am smart. I need to be a friend. I need to believe I am worth it. This kind of sent me spiraling into this idea that I need to start on a self-respect, self-love journey that my mind, body and soul desperately, desperately are in need of.

And I am so excited.

I’ve been doing some planning and have set up some goals for myself. I’m going to finish the year out strong so in 2019 I can begin the year feeling confident, refreshed, capable and have the self-love and respect for myself that I deserve, want and need. Its also going to focus on serving others and being kind to others, which I feel like is an awesome way to kick off the holiday season!

If this sounds like something you’d like to do with me, join me! I’ll post my ‘schedule’ below – you can switch it up to better cater to you, but I think this would be a fun little journey to go on together during the remainder of the year!

The Weekly Goals

Week 1 Nov. 18-24: Focusing on body love – verbally telling myself things about my body I am grateful for. Doing yoga twice a day, focusing on love and appreciation for my body. I am perfect the way I am right now – I am beautiful the way I am right now. 

Week 2 Nov. 25-Dec. 1: Every day write down 5 good things about my character (no repeats)! Read the list throughout the day and believe those words. At least 10 minutes of quiet  meditation a day (whether that be yoga, laying in bed, sitting in the spare bedroom in the basement, in the bathtub, etc). 

Week 3 Dec. 2-8: Be extra friendly and give service. Every day do something/say something kind to someone else (outside of immediate family) – do this however you think would work best for you and others (in person, on social media, a letter, treats delivered, etc). Be mindful of how many times I say sorry and stop apologizing for my actions that don’t need an apology. For example, sometimes before I start talking or make a comment on something, I’ll start with, ‘sorry,’ or if I feel like I’m in someones way I’ll apologize. I’ll apologize for the way I look, sound, act, etc. Don’t feel embarrassed to have an opinion or to want to speak up or say something. Not all of this needs an apology! I can exist without having to feel like I’m bothering people! 

Week 4 Dec. 9-15: Learn something new each day. Whatever you want to learn about, do it. Want to know more about history? Read about it! Want to learn about constellations? Study them! Want to learn how to paint your nails better? Watch some tutorials. Want to learn how to clean the tile on your kitchen floor? Learn that! Just expand your knowledge every day with something new. Then tell someone what you’ve learned! Don’t feel embarrassed – be proud!

Week 5 Dec. 16-22: Every day write down 50 things you’re grateful for. Yep, 50. They can repeat, just really focus on what you’re thankful for that day. Express your gratitude to the people around you, to yourself and even to objects (haha – you don’t have to, but I’m going to!!) Donate! Find things you can donate to the people around you in need – that can be to people effected by the fires in CA, people who don’t have enough money to have Christmas gifts, people who can’t afford a yummy Christmas meal, etc. Donate and help peoples burdens feel lighter. 

Week 6 Dec. 23-31: Learn more about the Savior. Study the birth of Christ in the scriptures as well as His life. Every day focus on an attribute that Christ has that you want to apply to your life. Strive to be more like Him. Fight the negative thoughts that come to your mind – whether they be about yourself, others, the current situation, etc – and actively replace them with happy thoughts. 

I am so excited to do this. I really am! I have high hopes for this challenge and I’m hoping it really resets my mind. I hope it makes me happier, more positive, more confident and respectful of myself and of others. I believe that if I really do this I will come out a much kinder, happier and content person – and I don’t know about you but that sounds like a dream come true to me!

Happy Anniversary, Us!

IMG_1086

Today is our anniversary! Six whole years of wonderful, exciting marriage! Happy Anniversary to my Wild Man.

We don’t do anything big on anniversaries. We are happiest when we stay in, so tonight we’re planning on just that. We are going to grab food from somewhere yummy then enjoy spending the evening with our boys and each other. It probably sounds like nothing special, but I am so excited.

We were married on November 1st, 2012 in the Mount Timpanogos Temple. There was such perfect weather on that day and the whole day was so smooth sailing, lucky and honestly, relaxing. Everything felt right and good and happy. It was an amazing day. I had no idea just how incredible our future would be together. As I look at our life today, with our sweet boys in our cute little home in the little town we hoped we’d move back to someday, I get really excited for that newly married couple I see in that picture up top. Their future is so bright. Our future is still so bright.

IMG_4048

Happy Anniversary, honey buns. I love you to infinity and beyond.