24 Week Update

Just like that I’m 24 (actually closer to 25) weeks pregnant! This pregnancy is flying. I’m assuming things will start slowing down once I get closer to my due date, but as of right now I feel like November is going to be here after just a few more blinks. I think I’ve said this before, but I’m really torn on how excited I am for November. Obviously I’m thrilled because November is baby time – but its also the month H was born which means he’ll be turning TWO! What? I’m going to have a two year old? We’re stopping there. I can’t dwell on that too much.

On Monday I had my 24 week appointment and everything is looking, sounding and feeling great and Baby Boy is doing awesome. The results of our big 22 week ultrasound came back and all is well. Again, I was nervous because with H’s 22 week appointment they found that there was a possible issue with his kidneys so I had to get another ultrasound at 30 weeks to just ensure everything was fine. And everything was fine, thankfully, but those were a lot of weeks to sit and worry about my baby. I really was hoping I wouldn’t have to do that again this time around – and thankfully we don’t have to.

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Now on to the bullet points

  • I’m going to start with this. In a couple weeks I’m taking my final glucose test to see if I have gestational diabetes (i had it with my 1st) and even though people are being so kind and sending tons of positive vibes, I am terrified that I have it. My levels haven’t been super this pregnancy but not bad enough to be diagnosed. So I’ll keep my fingers tightly crossed until I know for sure. Wish me luck.
  • I’ve started feeling really heavy lately. My belly must be really growing because I feel like if I’m not careful I’m going to just tip over and fall on my face – which can’t be good for me or baby.
  • A few weeks ago I did something to a stomach muscle and its been feeling pretty awful ever since. My doctor said that unfortunately there weren’t great chances of it healing before baby is born since my stomach muscles are thinning and aren’t very strong (were they ever?) so I’m gearing up to feel this the rest of my pregnancy. I also found a fancy, supposedly really amazing belt/band thing thats supposed to help a lot and also help my back pain. I have high hopes.
  • This isn’t new news, but my body still kills. Nothing has helped so far.
  • I’m still sick, but still doing way better than my first pregnancy. I haven’t put on much weight, but if you compared my numbers this time to last time, you’d be giving me a standing ovation.
  • H has started noticing that my belly is getting big. Sometimes he’ll come up to me and just pat it or lay his head on it. I know he’s too young to understand he’s got a little brother in there but it still makes me excited (and sometimes a little emotional). The best is when Baby Brother kicks back when H pats my belly. I hope they’re such good friends.

xoxo

ceeceesparkles

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My Little Boy

I have been hit pretty aggressively with the realization that we are down to just a few months of having just one child. Our sweet baby H. The perfect little bundle of joy who made us parents and introduced us to a happiness and overwhelming feeling of pride we never could have known if it weren’t for him. 

My heart is feeling torn in so many different directions. Of course I am beyond thrilled to have our second little boy in November. I’ve dreamt my whole life of having several kids and that’s still my dream! I am so excited to see H become a big brother and to finally meet this little brother of his. I am so anxious to see his face, to learn his personality and to soak all of him in. I actually feel more excited this time around, probably because this time I’m not so clueless. I know how special my children are now. I know how much I love them and how much I love being a mom. I can’t let myself dwell too much on this or else I turn into an emotional puddle. 

But then there is the part of me that knows how much H’s world is going to be rocked. Life as he knows it is going to drastically change and a part of me, in a weird way, feels a little bit guilty. People who often joke about how H is going to be second place, etc certainly don’t help the way I feel either. He is very accustomed to being the one and only. He’s used to undivided attention and snuggles on demand. I know it’s good for him to learn that the world in fact doesn’t revolve around him…but there’s still guilt!! 

I hope he can figure out quickly that he’s still so loved. Our love isn’t going to lessen for him even in the slightest. In fact I’ve heard the love we have for him will even grow! Our hearts are just going to get bigger so we can have the same amount of love for little brother! I hope he sees that he’s still our world, our joy and our tiny best buddy. Because he is – he always will be!

I know that especially once the baby is here I will feel differently. I’ll just know our new family of four is perfect and meant to be. I know that now, come to think of it – I’m just.. I don’t know. Am I even making sense or do I just sound crazy? I am so in love with this crazy 20 month old and I want him to never feel that his value has decreased just because another baby joined our family. It’s giving me so many emotions I honestly wasn’t anticipating. It’s funny how I am so far past elated for this new addition but at the same time feel a tinge of guilt. 

Please tell me I’m not the only one who’s ever felt like this? Also please tell me it’s just hormones or a phase or something and I’ll get over this before November?!

xoxo

ceeceesparkles 

Stop the Comparisons 2017

We have a cousin who’s daughter is just three weeks older than H. We are very close so we see a lot of each other and for the first several months of their lives I realized I was always comparing our babies to each other. Not in a who’s baby is better than who’s kind of way, but in that I was always comparing their milestones and achievements. I always felt like H’s cousin was progressing faster than him and it freaked me out and I spent way too long worrying that maybe, heaven forbid, there was something wrong with my perfect baby. I (thankfully) eventually came to realize that there wasn’t anything wrong, but that they are two different people who do things differently than one another. H was farther along on some things and his cousin was farther along on some things. Sometimes I feel like I spent so much time on worrying that H wasn’t just like his cousin that I missed out on really enjoying the current stage he was in.

Since I became mindful that I was doing this, I’ve come to realize I actually do it…like a lot. With so many different areas of my life. I cannot even count how many times I have made myself feel small and inadequate because I have compared myself to other people who I swore had it more together than I did. I’ve really felt this as a mom and housewife. I have one child and am pregnant and its seriously a struggle for me to always have my whole house clean. Then I think of my sister in law who is pregnant with her fifth child, or 99% of my friends who have more kids than me – and they all have these clean, organized homes. I’ve spent countless hours crying while I clean my kitchen, feeling overwhelmed that I’m a bad wife because I can’t do this one thing as good as so-and-so. Its draining and its debilitating. I am SO good at comparing myself to others and its a really rotten talent to possess. I could give you so many examples of times I have compared myself to someone else who is seemingly very near perfect at something, then looked at myself and have felt instant misery because I wasn’t at the same place they were. It takes you to a place of sadness, heartache, depression and a loss of self respect and love.

I know my husband and son love me and appreciate me, but so often its easy to feel undeserving of such feelings. How could my husband truly appreciate me when the sink is full of dirty dishes, theres toys all over the floor, I don’t know whats for dinner and the bed isn’t made – and lets not even mention the laundry. How does my son still idolize me when I stick him in front of the tv so often while I have a meltdown or try desperately to catch up on housework? Its feelings like these that start piling up way too easily and swiftly drag me down to a place of feeling so bad.

Not that long ago I became really aware somehow that I was letting these spiraling thoughts into my mind way too easily. So I decided to try and actively fight these evil thoughts. Its really hard not to compare yourself to all the ‘perfect‘ people in your life. Believe me, I know this from experience. Its hard to feel like you’ve done some good in your life and the life of your family when someone else has an immaculate home, perfect child, well-trained dog, a homemade meal on the table and has perfect hair and makeup every day.

But guess what? That perfect person most likely feels just like you do. Who knows, maybe they even think you’re the perfect person they keep comparing themselves to. Its very likely there is something you do really well that someone wishes they, too, did just as good. The things you think you’re bad at, someone could be wishing they did more like you. The reality is that none of us are perfect – we are all just trying. And its a lot easier to try and be the best version of ourselves when we only worry about ourselves – not about the neighbor. Everyone is struggling somewhere in their life. They have days where they feel awful, too. Even that Lifestyle Blogger who only posts the pretty and perfect things going on in her life.

Actively reminding myself of these facts was a game changer. I obviously don’t always remember this and have plenty of pity parties. But when I do remember that everyone is just trying to get better and the only person who I should be worrying about is myself, I do a lot better.

Its so easy to compare and its really hard not to. But oh my gosh when you stop worrying about what someone else’s home and life is like – life gets 100% better. I have been able to take more pride in what I’m doing around the home. I am able to see why my family values me. I am better able to go throughout my day with a clear mind and light heart. I am happier and calmer and have a lot less anxiety. It makes me more confident and relaxed. It takes concentration, mindfulness and focus but forgetting about all the other perfect people makes my life seem a lot more perfect.

It has been the biggest blessing to be able to feel like I’m sort of getting a grasp on this. I know myself, so I know this will be a constant, lifelong struggle for me, but I am so glad I know how to combat these feelings too. Also, talking with family and friends has worked wonders. The people around you who love you will really boost you up and remind you of your worth and will be able to help you see that no one is as perfect as you fear they might be.

I imagine I’m not the only one who feels like this from time to time. If you’re one of these people I really hope this post gave you some ideas or gave you some hope. We are all just doing our best!

xoxo

ceeceesparkles

Back to Me!

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Finally at 22 weeks pregnant I am feeling almost 100% myself, again and I want to shout this good news from the rooftops! When I got pregnant with H, though I was really sick, I still felt *normal* as I could. I was able to get things done, I was able to find motivation even if it was just in small bursts, I was still myself more or less. But this time around it took me so long to feel that way. Like I said, I’m still not 100% but I can see and feel the changes finally. I’m able to keep the house clean, stay on top of laundry and do the dishes regularly. I can put effort into dinner again. I just feel so much better. So much more me!

This all came at the perfect time really because this past week poor H has been the sickest I’ve seen him. He got hit with a nasty bout of diarrhea and then also started throwing up. Just when I think he may be on the mend he has another yucky diaper or throws up again. Its kind of heart breaking. Seeing him laying on the couch for hours at a time just watching movies is sweet but also really sad. But thankfully now that I’m able to be motivated I’m able to keep up on the dirty laundry this poor sick boy has created in ever growing piles. I’m able to keep his room and bed (ohhh the messes that have happened in his crib) clean and sanitized and feel like I’m doing all that I can and should be doing to hopefully help him along the road to recovery. Its a good feeling – feeling like I’m able to give my all to being the best mom I know how to be to my more than deserving little guy.

I know this is a short, random little post. But I’m feeling really jazzed about feeling good. And really hoping H can join me soon in this feeling good party. ::fingers crossed::

xoxo

ceeceesparkles

 

20/21 Weeks

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I wanted to do this post on the day I hit 20 weeks pregnant, but big shocker – I spaced it. I am now 21 and a half weeks along but I figure the updates are still pretty much the same as they were last week so this will have to do. I swear one of these days I’m going to get my life back on track and post more regularly and not always be so jumbled, but today is still not that day.

20/21 WEEK PREGNANCY UPDATE

  • I feel better this time around. I’m still sick and throwing up but not nearly as often as I did with my first pregnancy. I feel like I can comfortably eat more and have a higher chance of it sitting well.
  • I have got more energy the last few weeks and I have never been so thankful!
  • Baby Boy is a wiggler just like his big brother was. I started feeling him move frequently at about 19 weeks and he hasn’t really stopped since. Its still not quite strong enough to feel with your hand from the outside, but I do feel it all. the. time. on the inside. I think thats my very favorite part of being pregnant is being able to feel the little miracle moving around inside of you.
  • My body hurts more this time. The pain started quicker and is quite a bit stronger. I went to the chiropractor not long ago and he told me my body was holding myself as if I was 30+ weeks pregnant. My sciatic pain is pretty intense and my back and hips are aching almost constantly. I had all this with H, too, but I swear it started a little later.
  • Baby Boy has strong genes from my family, just like H. What this means is he’s got a big ol’ head. It is measuring farther ahead than the rest of his body, which is also what H did. What can I say, my family makes big headed babies!
  • I’m finally starting to feel more like myself. It took me a long time to feel ‘normal’ again after getting pregnant. I was so sluggish and it was almost impossible for me to find motivation to do my usual housewife tasks. It was really frustrating and led to a lot of feelings of guilt, failure and self doubt, but I’m really happy to say that I feel like just this week I’m getting things back under control and finding myself and will be able to easier be a normal human being.

xoxo

ceeceesparkles

March GBOMB

March has been a breath of fresh air. Oh, glorious March. Yes, there has still been a lot of weird, hard stuff but somehow this month I’ve been much better at clearing my head, calming myself down, embracing the moment (not trying to change it) and trusting that everything happens for a reason that will benefit me. Is it sad that sometimes I forget that I get to choose my attitude and my attitude decides how my day will go 99% of the time? Anyway, lets get on with this. (once again, thanks Danica for encouraging people to do GBOMB – its been the best thing for me)

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GOOD

  • We have spent so much time outside this month because this weather is incredible. Its funny because I’ve always loved the cold months and bundling up and staying inside where its warm and cozy, but since having a child who adores going outside, I have realized that I got a little bit of the winter blues this year. I was so, so ready for warm weather so H and I could play outside and get a change of scenery. Our favorite thing has been to go to nearby parks and spend a few hours. H just explores, touches everything, gets real dirty and lets his curiosity run wild and I happily follow along and really wish I was able to know what he was thinking. IMG_4885.jpg
  • H isn’t teething nearly as badly anymore so we have a much more happy, much more ‘himself’ baby back and we are very glad about this!
  • Picnics! I forgot how fun it is to pack a lunch and eat outside. Why is that so magical?
  • We went to the zoo a few weeks ago and we’re still on a high from it (or at least I am). I knew H would love seeing all the animals (or, dogs, as he called most of them) but I didn’t know just how much he would. I can’t say enough what a perfect day it turned out to be and I’m so glad Wild Man had the idea to get out of the house and go do something different than we normally do. A6AD5DB6-B346-4EA7-B779-CD6BA24B5C05.jpg
  • Our cousin had a sweet baby girl in March and we got to meet her before she was even 2 weeks old. There is something so special about a newborn. They are literally fresh from heaven and have the sweetest, most peaceful spirit about them. I held her for quite a while and every second was bliss. If anyone has a newborn they would like me to hold, I will gladly oblige.

BAD

  • Pirates of the Caribbean celebrated 50 years on March 18th and I was literally heartbroken that I wasn’t in Disneyland to take part in the special events, special food and to go on the ride. I know the line was like 70 years long, but it would have been worth it to me to have been able to ride such a great, iconic Disney ride on its anniversary.
  • My motivation to keep my house clean is gone. Where’d it go? Who knows? I clean my house but do so with the worst attitude and battle my thoughts the whole time about things that I’d rather be doing. It also is hard to clean the house though when you practically live outside with your adventure-son. So I don’t feel too guilty because we’re making memories instead.
  • Freaking bugs. The weather is getting warmer and bugs have the NERVE to come into my house! Ugh. I hate bugs with all of my heart. There have been so many spiders in my house lately and this is NOT OK!
  • Isn’t in so annoying how people want to get all up in your business and find out all your secrets then go spread them? This is very vague I know. Sorry. But lets just say we had something happen and some people have shown their true colors in that there was a long period of time where they wouldn’t leave me alone, asking over and over about the ‘thing’. A few did find out (not through me!) and I’m like 99% sure they went and spread the news. If it doesn’t directly affect you, ITS NOT YOUR BUSINESS TO KNOW OR GOSSIP TO SPREAD.IMG_5011.jpg

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ON MY BRAIN

  • General Conference is SO SOON and I’m freaking out – in a good way. I love General Conference! I feel really ready for it. There aren’t any real specific questions I have going into it yet (i’m hoping to pick 2-3 soon) but I’m so excited to just sit, listen and take notes and hear things that are being said for my benefit. I’m excited to set new goals because of the talks I heard during these sessions. I’m so pumped for that spiritual, exciting, junk food filled weekend.
  • Family is so important. And I am so grateful for mine. IMG_5019
  • On most Mondays on my blog I post a Magical Monday. Its just a blog post about Disney. Sometimes about the park, sometimes about movies – just something Disney. But I am wanting to up my game in this department. I’m not 100% sure what I’ll be doing to change it up but I have a few ideas up my sleeve and I’m getting excited about it.
  • Speaking of change.. I may start a YouTube channel. Or is that a horrible idea? I just think it’ll be a million times easier to talk about my favorite products and such through a video instead of through pictures and typing. I get a lot of questions about favorite face products and skin care I use and make up I like and how to use it so I’m thinking YouTube just may be the answer. Lets just hope I can make videos that aren’t dreadful!
  • People are good and are trying to do good for the most part. I hate how its so easy to focus on negative things, negative people, negative actions, etc. But the other day I read a blog post and the girl was talking about how if you mindfully look for good – you will find it and if you mindfully look for bad – there bad will be. This isn’t a mind blowing or earth shattering concept, but it hit me in a different way than it had in the past. So I have been mindfully looking for the good in the world and I love that there is actually a lot more good in the world and surrounding us than there is bad. You just have to look for it. Its refreshing.

xoxo

ceeceesparkles

 

Its Good to be ME

One of my New Years Resolutions for 2017 was to really focus on embracing who I am and not being embarrassed about certain pieces of myself. I have been lucky enough to have a pretty good track record in my life of being confident in myself – I mean of course there have been some things – but I have always been ok with being a little ‘different’ or ‘weird’ to people if it meant that I was happy with myself and was doing what felt was right to me. As we all know very, very well now, social media can be great and social media can be awful. For the most part I love it, but something I have noticed since really getting into the blogging world and opening myself up to more people is that I have lost some of that confidence in being exactly who I am and being proud of everything I am and everything I do. People share their opinions and their own thoughts on their blog, their Twitter, their Instagram, etc, and I read these things and so often I have noticed that according to them, I am doing something wrong or annoying or shameful or just embarrassing and for some dumb reason I start taking their words to heart and start telling myself I need to stop doing {insert thing here} because its wrong, annoying, shameful, embarrassing… But then in doing so I realize I really didn’t want to change that part of myself and then I go to this weird place of wanting to be like someone else and be genuinely liked by them, but also not wanting to lose my authentic self. In the end I usually am able to remind myself its ok to be me and I remind myself that other peoples opinions really shouldn’t define me or change me or even matter to me all that much. But still its hard sometimes to not feel that constant nagging in the back of my mind that what I’m doing is unacceptable and stupid to someone else and to continue on doing so anyway.

The last few days I have been thinking about this a lot. And I have come to the (obvious) realization that you can’t please everyone. No one is going to love, support and agree with every single thing you do and thats just fine because life would actually probably be really boring if everyone agreed with everything you did (although maybe we’d all get along better and the world would be a happier place?) So I now have this new boost of confidence and motivation to be me. The real me that is going to live life to the beat of my own drum and (try really hard to) not let other peoples opinions get to me so much that they begin to change me.

I am obsessed with Disney and I talk a lot about it. Maybe that makes me childish and immature to some and maybe you’re really sick of my Disney posts, but to me, it makes me happy and it makes me feel youthful and it makes me think of magical memories with my family.

I don’t use our real names on my public social media because my anxiety is that bad and I have heard so many nightmare stories about families in the media that to me, this is a way to keep us a little more safe. Maybe thats annoying and makes me seem paranoid to people – and if its annoying, sorry! And if it makes me seem paranoid, its because I AM.

I sell Lipsense. Even I will loudly admit, MLM’s are the worst! But I pride myself in the way I run my little side business – I’m not naggy, I don’t automatically add people to groups without their consent and I don’t fill up peoples social media timelines. If my posts I share bother people so much, they can scroll right past them or if its that bad, unfollow me. I like being able to (pretty stinkin’ easily) make some extra money just by playing with lipstick – and seeing as I am a licensed make up artist, I can’t really think of a better situation.

I am still nursing. Obviously it’s waaaaay less frequently now.. For quite a while it was the only thing my son would reliably eat. I am not sure why but my milk supply has really not even started to dwindle. I produce SO much – like I’ve been nursing over a year and I still leak and spray! TMI? It’s insane. But that’s not the point. It still feels like nursing is still right for us. It’s really just before naps or bed now and I’m sure it’ll happen even less soon, but it’s what we still do and I know that’s weird to a lot of people, but I do what I feel is best for my baby and I stand by it.

I choose not to swear. Its a personal decision I made when I was young and its something that makes me, me. People call me Molly Mormon because of this, they assume I am a prude and am judgmental and all ‘holier than thou’ and that is SO not the case. I just do it because it makes me happy.

I am terrified of offending people. It makes me act awkward and say weird stuff and I have got some interesting comments from others because of this. I have attempted to be a little more confrontational and straight forward but it is NOT me. The only time I really get confrontational is when I feel the need to protect or defend my son. It doesn’t make me weak, it doesn’t make me easy and it doesn’t mean I’m shy.

Really I could go on with these things. Some are things I have heard since I was little and some are things I have heard more recently. I’m not saying at all that I’m picked on, bullied and people are always talking bad about me. As far as I know this actually very seldom happens (thank heavens/i hope) but I still find that I easily get embarrassed about these traits I have that make me who I am because someone else has a different opinion or a negative thought about it. Ugh.

Does any of this even make sense? Do I just sound like a whiny baby right now? I promise that wasn’t the point of this post. It was just more to say I am proud of who I am! I like who I am and what I do and how I go about my life and how I am raising my child. I like being me and I do all things in my life in the way that feels best for me and my family. I know not everyone agrees with everything I am doing but thats just fine! Thats the beauty of agency – we all get to decide things for ourselves and form our own, unique opinions.

I’m excited to keep this momentum going. I feel like this will open up a lot of new doors for me. I’ll have more blog content thats personal and exciting to me. I won’t feel so embarrassed and like I’m surely going to lose followers/friends/respect when I post something or talk about something that I know some people roll their eyes at. I’m just going to be me and roll with it! I’m going to be proud of myself and all the weirdness that comes with me because I really do like myself and I really do love my life!

xoxo

ceeceesparkles