My Little Boy

I have been hit pretty aggressively with the realization that we are down to just a few months of having just one child. Our sweet baby H. The perfect little bundle of joy who made us parents and introduced us to a happiness and overwhelming feeling of pride we never could have known if it weren’t for him. 

My heart is feeling torn in so many different directions. Of course I am beyond thrilled to have our second little boy in November. I’ve dreamt my whole life of having several kids and that’s still my dream! I am so excited to see H become a big brother and to finally meet this little brother of his. I am so anxious to see his face, to learn his personality and to soak all of him in. I actually feel more excited this time around, probably because this time I’m not so clueless. I know how special my children are now. I know how much I love them and how much I love being a mom. I can’t let myself dwell too much on this or else I turn into an emotional puddle. 

But then there is the part of me that knows how much H’s world is going to be rocked. Life as he knows it is going to drastically change and a part of me, in a weird way, feels a little bit guilty. People who often joke about how H is going to be second place, etc certainly don’t help the way I feel either. He is very accustomed to being the one and only. He’s used to undivided attention and snuggles on demand. I know it’s good for him to learn that the world in fact doesn’t revolve around him…but there’s still guilt!! 

I hope he can figure out quickly that he’s still so loved. Our love isn’t going to lessen for him even in the slightest. In fact I’ve heard the love we have for him will even grow! Our hearts are just going to get bigger so we can have the same amount of love for little brother! I hope he sees that he’s still our world, our joy and our tiny best buddy. Because he is – he always will be!

I know that especially once the baby is here I will feel differently. I’ll just know our new family of four is perfect and meant to be. I know that now, come to think of it – I’m just.. I don’t know. Am I even making sense or do I just sound crazy? I am so in love with this crazy 20 month old and I want him to never feel that his value has decreased just because another baby joined our family. It’s giving me so many emotions I honestly wasn’t anticipating. It’s funny how I am so far past elated for this new addition but at the same time feel a tinge of guilt. 

Please tell me I’m not the only one who’s ever felt like this? Also please tell me it’s just hormones or a phase or something and I’ll get over this before November?!

xoxo

ceeceesparkles 

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Announcing Our Pregnancy and Gender (this is not a pregnancy announcement)

You guys, I almost posted a picture of my pregnancy test from when I found out I was pregnant with H on this post – but then I realized that was a stick that at one point was covered in my urine and promptly decided against that. Its never bothered me when other people post a picture of the test, but apparently doing so myself is not my jam.

Today I was reading through a journal I kept while I was pregnant with H. I cried more than I care to admit because being pregnant was AWESOME even though I was sick 100% of the time, had gestational diabetes and was so uncomfortable. Its actually very easy for me to look past the gross stuff and think about the amazing stuff that was happening inside my body. Isn’t it crazy we are capable of GROWING a HUMAN?

Anyway…

A few particular entries in this journal were dedicated to the days we announced to our families we were pregnant. I learned something from this. I am not creative. Wild Man is. Keep reading, you’ll see.

TELLING OUR MOMS

Neither of our moms got a cool announcement. Turns out my mom already knew because she could tell I was different and was picking up on my symptoms and my mother-in-law guessed. So neither story with them is all that exciting..

TELLING MY FAMILY

Somehow we decided I’d decide how to tell my family and Wild Man would decide how to tell his. There are always those huge, grand announcements and I applaud them, but thats now how it worked out for me. I can’t even remember why but I ended up announcing to my family in one of the most boring, un-energetic ways possible (probably because I was too sick, tired and lazy to put forth effort anywhere in life?).

I had a picture on my phone of the pregnancy test. Every once in a while my family will sit around the tv and take turns throwing pictures up on to the tv via Apple Tv. One night we decided to start showing pictures and videos and in the middle of it I threw a picture up there. The picture of the test. It took a second for my dad and sisters to register what it was. (my mom already knew). I think my dad was the first to notice and I still have the look on his face in my mind – pure joy! Both of my sisters were quiet because they’re freaking adorable and got emotional. It was so cute. They were so excited. In my family H is the first grandchild and niece or nephew, so he was so, so greatly anticipated.

TELLING WILD MANS FAMILY

Like I said, Wild Man is 100x more creative than I am. He is also tons funnier. He is also talented with technology. All of those factors led to a much cooler baby announcement than I came up with for my family. Oh also his was lots more inappropriate than showing off a stick I stuck in my own urine.

He decided to make a video. Essentially it said in several different slides: When did it happen? We don’t know! Was it an early morning treat? An afternoon delight? Something in the night? We will never know. But one thing we do know… Our family is becoming a family of three. All while Marvin Gay’s ‘Lets Get It On’ is playing in the background and the sound of a squeaking mattress can be heard…

Embarrassing, yes. But very, very Wild Man. And it got the message across and led to some excited yelps and hugs. I still laugh/cringe thinking about this announcement.

TELLING THE WORLD

We publicly announced our pregnancy on Mothers Day. It felt very appropriate and that was when we had hit either 12 or 13 weeks. We just did the usual post a picture on all our Social Media platforms. I pointed to my belly – which was proudly showing at this point (makes it very hard to hide a pregnancy) – and Wild Man held a sign announcing our due date, November 24, 2015. I’m laughing in it and Wild Man has a hilariously shocked face.

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ANNOUNCING THE GENDER

I guess this is where I sort of got creative. We found the gender out either in beginning of June or end of May, I can’t remember at the moment. Wild Man has a birthday in mid June and we always have a big birthday party at my parents house because they have a pool. We decided it’d be fun to somehow announce the gender at the party when both of our families are there together. We had everyone write down their guesses then before the pool party really started we had a gift bag and counted to three and Wild Man pulled a swimming suit (see the pool theme?) out of the bag. And it was a BOY swimming suit! I don’t know – is that creative? I thought it was fun.

Fun fact: I remember being terrified of having a boy. Having only sisters I had no idea what to expect – but I am LOVING it.

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Now that we’ve done all the announcing and such, I’m already planning how to announce all these same things with baby #2 (not a pregnancy announcement) and I’m hoping to be more creative. But I can’t guarantee that it won’t be any less inappropriate because Wild Man will still be the dad and he’s gotta stay true to himself 😉

xoxo

ceeceesparkles

 

T-Minus One Week (until the due date, at least)…

12227698_10153795139768383_5568428920531989907_nI had my 39 week doctors appointment early yesterday morning. Its so weird, I’ve known since March we were having a baby, but I feel like yesterday while I sat in the room waiting to be checked it really hit me that we are having a baby. I kind of got emotional as I sat there thinking that at any time in the next little bit our little man could join us and our worlds will be forever changed. Literally any time, Wild Man and I could become parents. We are having a baby and we are having one, soon. Holy. Crap.

Since I’ve been hit with this realization I feel like everything else is just sort of hazy. All I can think about is this huge change thats about to happen. I’m going to be lugging a carseat around and a diaper bag that probably contains 50% of our house inside of it, I’m going to have to learn how to fold and unfold our stroller without freaking/stressing out, I’m not going to sleep much, I’m going to have to learn how to multi-task a heck of a lot better than I do now, I’m going to have to make so many changes in my life. But I cannot wait! I hear parenthood is hard, but that phrase is always followed with, “but it is so worth it.”  

Today I officially hit 39 weeks pregnant! I can’t believe there is just one week left until the due date!! Remember how I used to say time was flying by? Well, it certainly isn’t anymore. November is d r a g g i n g by – but that was sort of to be expected, so I can’t say I’m surprised. The closer we get, the more I think maybe I’ll go past my due date with him (the 24th). Ugh. But as much as it pains me to say that, I’ll let him cook as long as he needs to. All I know is that very, very soon I’ll finally be able to hold my baby boy and cry my eyes out while I watch Wild Man hold him and love on him and though my life will have significantly changed in those moments he came into the world, everything will be right and perfect.

Come any time, Baby Boy!! Your mommy and daddy are so excited to finally meet you!

xoxo

ceeceesparkles

“If you can dream it, you can do it.” -Walt Disney

Bump

One of my very best friends, Amy, who I have known for years and years and years, now, is a photographer – and a mighty talented one at that. I strongly suggest you take a look at her work here – you will thank me). Together we decided it would be fun to go walk around her neighborhood with her darling baby and energetic dog and find some places to take a few maternity pictures. We ended up stopping by a nearby park and then using cute scenery from around and inside her new home. It was such a fun day and these pictures turned out so, so good! Thank you, Amy!!

1106739xoxo

ceeceesparkles

The Day We Found Out

Every March, Wild Man’s extended family has a huge family reunion in Bryce Canyon. This year was no different. We were trying to get pregnant and after doing some calculating, I found that if I was not pregnant, I would start my period on the second to last day there. I wanted to be really hopeful and faithful that I was pregnant and not pack any ahem, lady supplies, but I also really didn’t want to have that awful experience when you start and have absolutely nothing. So reluctantly I packed the stuff.

If I remember correctly, the reunion lasted four days, maybe five. Typically, at least three days before my period would start, I’d start to feel very crampy and sick. A couple days into the trip I realized that I hadn’t felt any cramps – but I chalked that up to being too preoccupied by family and activities to notice them. Finally, the second to last day came and I just awaited that sign that it had begun.

I waited and waited and waited…

It was time for bed and still nothing. Of course, I got really hopeful, excited and anxious. But I didn’t even tell Wild Man because I was so scared about jinxing myself. Besides, it wouldn’t be the first time my period started a day late or so. So I forgot about it and went to sleep. I’d probably start the next day.

But I didn’t. The whole last day as we had a few last activities, packed and said our goodbyes, I kept waiting for the cramps then the real deal. But nothing. I felt totally fine with no signs of it coming. Again, I felt that rush of hopefulness, excitement and anxiousness.

We got home from the reunion and still nothing. This time I mentioned to Wild Man that I didn’t start yesterday and hadn’t started today and it was almost midnight. He asked if I was pregnant. I didn’t want to say yes, but I think at this point…for some reason I just kind of knew. But I’d seen a negative pregnancy test before and felt that disappointing blow even when I was sure I was pregnant. Even though I think I really did know, I kept saying that I’m probably just late this month.

Wild Man talked me into taking a test. I’d read somewhere that your have the strongest levels of the pregnancy hormone in the morning, so I decided that the next morning I’d wake up early, run to the store, buy a test and come home and take it. I should have known I wouldn’t really do that. Morning came and I was tired and I don’t think I really fully woke up to my alarm. So I missed that chance. That day I went to the store and bought a test. I’d take it the next morning.

The next morning I woke up early due to huge amounts of anxiety. I was now several days late and that positive feeling in my mind was only getting stronger but I was too afraid to admit that to Wild Man or even myself.

I took the test and sat it on the counter. The test said to wait 2 minutes before getting my answer. I set a timer, left the bathroom and laid in bed for what felt like an eternity. The entire time I laid in bed I just prayed over and over, “let this be the answer we want, let this be the answer we want.” Then the timer went off. I have NEVER felt my heart race like it did in that moment. I walked slowly into the bathroom, now totally nervous to look at the test. As I approached it, I started reminding myself that if it was negative, it was ok and I’d be ok. I started to doubt that good feeling I’d had for the last few days. I looked down at the test…

It was positive.

The whole world stopped. I checked the plus sign over and over. I compared it to the sheet of paper explaining what a positive sign looked like and I stared at the sign to make sure it wasn’t just my imagination playing tricks on me. Then I walked right outside the bathroom to a carpeted area and literally flopped on the floor and started to sob. I cried for a while, the whole time holding my stomach. I remember at one point even talking to my stomach, saying ‘hi’ to my little person in there. I was beyond thrilled and possibly in some kind of wonderful shock. I prayed and thanked Heavenly Father over and over and promised I’d try and be the best mom I could possibly be. Then I cried some more, still there in the hallway, holding my stomach that now held a little baby.

There were a million creative ways I wanted to tell Wild Man. I’d seen such cute ways to announce a pregnancy to a new father on Pinterest and other blogs so for a moment I thought about how I’d like to tell him. But then I looked at the clock. It was 8:15am and he wouldn’t be home until a little after 5. There was no way I could wait that long to share such exciting news. So I announced the pregnancy to him in the most boring way possible. I texted him. I said, “guess what?” He knew I was taking the test that morning, so he texted back, “Pregnant?” I sent a picture of the positive pregnancy test and started sobbing, again. Then I got another text back that said, “PREGNANT!!!” Thousands more messages were sent back and fourth about how excited we were, etc. I just cried a lot that day (& may or may not be crying thinking about that day…) When Wild Man came home from work he walked in happily and said, “Hi, pregnant one!” Then, for the first time, he came over and started talking to his baby in my stomach – something he does all the time, now. I melted and at that moment I knew our lives would never be the same and we were the luckiest people, ever.

xoxo

ceeceesparkles

“Sometimes the littlest things take up the most room in your heart.” -Winnie the Pooh

OOTD: Navy & Black — Or a Witch?

I had places to go today, my Visiting Teachers were coming over and I was feeling decent after throwing up twice early in the morning. So I was going to get ready. Boo-yeah.

I wore a knee-length, navy maternity dress with a cute little detailed design on the chest from Old Navy, my favorite black maternity tights from H&M and a black cardigan from Target and duh, my comfy Target loafers!

Kinda fancy, super comfy.

And yes, these pictures are taken on our staircase. Classy is my middle name.IMG_2715 IMG_2717

I wish I could say I did my hair… But I didn’t really. After washing it I just kind of let it do its own thing. Apparently all my energy was used on outfit picking and make-up doing.IMG_2719

Funny story. I went to Costco today and there were kids and adults dressed up everywhere you looked. At one point, a little boy dressed as Iron Man turned to his mom and asked him if I was a witch for Halloween.. I’m not sure if that was an insult or not. Like, do I look like a witch? Or was it the dark lip and dark colors? Eh.. Either way, I liked my outfit and if it also looked like I dressed up then score.

xoxo

ceeceesparkles

“Aren’t you scared? Well thats just fine. Say it once, say it twice, take a chance and roll the dice. Ride with the moon in the dead of night.” -Nightmare Before Christmas

Family Pictures

Our family is about to grow, and for the past couple months I’ve really wanted to get family pictures taken while its still just the two of us. A last little reminder that once, it was just Wild Man and CeeCee, you know?. Ideally, I would have liked to have got the pictures after Wild Man got his hair cut and I got my roots filled in, but yesterday turned out to be the perfect day. Besides, I decided Wild Man sort of has a Flynn Rider look going on with his current hair, so I’m not complaining. I have a very talented little sister who is good at everything she does and photography happens to be one of her very many talents. Luckily that cute girl agreed to take our pictures up the canyon and they turned out SO good! I had such a hard time only choosing a few to show, but I think these  are some of my favorites. IMG_2619 IMG_2635 IMG_2645 IMG_2646 IMG_2653 IMG_2656 IMG_2657 IMG_2663

outfit details:

Wild Man: Sweater – H&M (similar here) Pants – H&M (similar here)

CeeCee: Cardigan: Iceland (my dad & sis picked it up for me there..wish i could give more detail!) Maternity Dress – Target (find here)

xoxo

ceeceesparkles

“The most important thing is family.” -Walt Disney