Being a Mother

This quote has been replaying in my head a LOT, lately. It sums up what I believe motherhood, for myself, to be, perfectly. Becoming a mom introduced me to a new, strong, exciting side of myself I’d never met before. It also gave me even more things for my already very worried self to fear. It opened my eyes to so many things, both good and bad, scary and exciting.

By far the thing that has most surprised me about turning into a mother is how in-tune to my children I am. I can confidently say I know them better than anyone else, and that’s empowering, overwhelming and awe-inspiring. I have been given a gift to receive personal inspiration about them and I know better than anyone else what is best for them at this point in time (oh how I know this will change, especially in their minds, as they grow older). I’ve only been a parent now for almost four years, but in that time I’ve felt a lot of power from those special feelings I, as their mama, receive. It’s validating and spiritual and like I said, so, so powerful.

I think if I could give any new mom, or mom-to-be a bit of advice, it would be this:

Only YOU are their mother. Only YOU have that deep, personal connection to them. YOU know what is best for them, yourself and your family and it’s ok to stand up for that even if it is unpopular, embarrassing or hard to admit. Stick with your gut. Follow your mother’s intuition.

I feel very passionately about this. I’m very lucky to have a husband who supports me and my intuition. I am lucky to have family who does as well. Lastly, I am lucky to have these sweet boys to mother.

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Mommin’ Truth

I have good, good boys. I really do. They are sweet and my favorite little people in the whole wide world. We have way more good days than bad days, but it wouldn’t be real life if every day were 100% perfection, right? Right.

A few days ago was rough. So rough. It all started with a weirdly off and chaotic morning. The night before, E had a terrible nights sleep, so he desperately needed a great nights sleep and I really hoped he’d sleep in too. But that didn’t happen because early, early in the morning, H woke up screaming. And when I say screaming, I mean it. Screaming, kicking, yelling, punching, swinging and screaming some more. He kept yelling, “I don’t want to be home!” It took us a minute, but we realized that he’d woken up from a dream where he was at a splash pad and when he woke and saw he was no longer at the splash pad, he was ticked. Pair that with being half asleep and it was just a bad, loud, violent combination. Seeing as the boys share a room, there was no way E slept through the freakout.

So then both boys were awake for the day and the lack of desperately needed sleep really took a toll on their day and in result, our day, too. There were so many tantrums. So many tears. So many melt downs. So many fits. So much attitude. So much whining. So much stress.

I don’t blame them. I don’t function well under hardly any sleep either. Everyone has ‘those days’ and it just so happened that both my boys had one of ‘those days’ on the same day. Bad luck for us, but thats real life. Thats life as a parent.

It was a hard day. I was short with my husband. Short with my boys. Short with myself. It was, as H would say, “a tricky day.” It was absolutely a day that I went to bed feeling defeated and annoyed with myself and how I handled the day. Usually I feel like I’m good at being patient with my boys. More than anything, I want them to be able to feel how they feel. If they’re angry then I want them to feel ok about expressing their anger. If they’re frustrated or annoyed, I want them to feel free to express those emotions as well. Their feelings are valid and I feel like my job as their mother is to remind them daily its ok for them to feel whatever feeling they have. But I wasn’t very great at it on this particular day. I wished I could have a do-over.

Thankfully, the next few days following this hard day were much better. The boys slept, Craig and I slept. And our attitudes were much happier, calmer and kinder.

If thats not mom life, then I don’t know what is.

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My Wild Man

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Today is Craig’s Birthday!! 

I can’t think of anyone who deserves to be celebrated more than this guy. I mean, really, he should be celebrated daily, but I’m glad that today, he’s the center of attention. I love this guy and am truly in awe, quite often, about just how lucky I got in marrying him and living life with him. He is the best of the best. The cream of the crop.

He is the husband of my dreams and then some. He is so supportive, always has my back and understands me in ways I don’t even understand myself. I really think he can read my mind, too. I feel so comfortable with him. He is my safe place. He is my happy place. He makes me laugh harder than anyone else has ever been able to do. He is a great shoulder to cry on. He has amazing advice, a tremendous listening ear and he doesn’t forget things I’ve told him, even if it was years earlier. He has a heart of gold. He is helpful and recognizes that marriage and parenthood is an equal thing. He has never made me feel unimportant, un-special or less valued. In fact, he constantly is building me up. He’s my greatest cheerleader. He makes me believe I can accomplish all my wild dreams I’m too nervous to believe in myself. He calms my anxious heart. He doesn’t judge all my worries. He genuinely cares for me and puts me before himself. He treats me like a queen and loves me fiercely. I’m proud to be his wife. He is the grandest human being earth will ever know.

He is the best dad in the world. Just ask our boys. Our kids will forever know just how valued, important and special they are, because Craig lets them know this daily. He encourages our kids to be exactly who they are and to be proud of it. He is proud of them and never lets them forget. When he’s home and the boys are awake, you better bet that he’s down on the floor playing dinosaurs, Avengers or cars with the boys – just making their day. He is a hands on dad. He changes diapers. He gives baths. He picks good outfits. He knows their schedules. He knows their stats. He knows their favorite foods and the ones they hate. He knows their personalities and how to work with them in the best ways. He loves them and not only tells them that, but he shows them that. He teaches them through example, how to be a good helper, how to be respectful and kind and how to be a friend to everyone – no matter what. He is a super-dad and my kids are the luckiest little ones ever to be his child.

Happy Birthday, Craig! I hope your day is magical and wonderful. I love you to infinity and beyond.

Mom Life Realness

I don’t know what it is, but lately day to day life has been hard! My boys have been hard and emotional. I feel like I’ve lost all of my mom-skills. My brain is scattered. My motivation is is chaotically unpredictable. My emotions, especially my anxiety, are all over the map. I feel guilt about everything – all the things. I feel like I’m just trying to survive each day and make it to bedtime without a meltdown or blow up.

I know its just a phase, but geez its exhausting! Being a mom is crazy and quite literally all the emotions and just when you think you’ve got the hang of it, you learn that you actually don’t.

What a ride!

 

My Hulk Boy

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Three is a funny age. You always hear about ‘terrible twos’ but I dare say that whoever coined that phrase hadn’t parented a three year old, yet. H is hilariously unpredictable. Most of the time he is our happy, enthusiastic, curious, adventurous, rambunctious little boy. He enjoys doing good, he follows rules and he is kind.

But every once in a awhile lately he turns.

He goes from that sweet boy explained above, to a little Hulk. (fitting thats his favorite Avenger right now) He explodes with rage. He screams and starts kicking and punching. He gets mean and mad and there is no calming him down.

I’m truly at a loss right now to know how to control these outbursts, while still allowing him to be himself and let him know its ok to feel things and express how he feels. You know? But at the same time, its not ok for him to kick and punch me all the time, right? Oh, the joys of motherhood. As frustrating as it can be I honestly wouldn’t trade it for the world.

He is a great boy who I feel very lucky to be able to witness grow up and learn more about each day. This is fun. It really is.

E’s Ears

I’m not sure if you know this or not, but my sweet baby E has had a rough go when it comes to his little ears. In his fourteen months of life, he has had twelve ear infections, most of those happening since August/September-ish, and most of them being double ear infections. We also found our pretty recently that for a while now, both of his ear drums have been ruptured. Isn’t that awful? You’d be floored to hear this if you know him or have seen him recently though, because he’s just so happy still. But it definitely now makes sense why when he was ticked, he was ticked. The pain tolerance his little body has is absolutely incredible. During a recent discussion with E’s ENT (ear nose and throat doctor), he told me that the pain he must have been feeling was so excruciating it would send a grown man to the Emergency Room. That shattered my mom heart. I had no idea. I mean, I knew it hurt, but I had no idea it hurt that badly.

We finally got him into the ENT a little while ago where they told us E needed tubes (no shock – thats why we were there). Thats also where we learned about the double rupture. Poor baby. So earlier last week, he finally got his tubes put in, along with a small exploratory surgery just to check out his ears and make sure there isn’t anything else to be concerned with. Good news, everything looks great. I’m so grateful for modern medicine and for doctors. I’m especially for doctors who make your children feel special. I was so impressed with all the doctors and nurses we talked to on E’s day of surgery. They all got down on his level and talked to him – something that social little boy really loved. It made me feel even more comfortable and confident.

Recovery has been pretty good, all things considered. The first few days involved a lot of blood and a lot of ooze, but thats all stopped now. He hates the ear drops we have to put in multiple times a day with a passion, but those are almost over with. We are so excited for a pain-free baby who hopefully hopefully hopefully won’t have to deal with anymore painful infections anymore.

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What I Hope My Kids Learn from Disney

Dear Kids,

You come from a family of Disney obsessed people. Your great grandpa started this journey, passed it to Grammy, she passed it to her kids (one of those is me) and now I’m doing my part to make sure you guys all have a special place in your heart for Disney and all its magic and wonder. I don’t know how the Disney-love will translate in your own lives as you grow up. I don’t know if you’ll find yourself saving your money to take another trip to the park or if you’ll be to every Disney movie on opening day, if you’ll have Disney decor throughout your home or if you’ll be more of a quiet and reserved fan. I’m aware of the possibility that you may not all be as Disney-crazed as some of the rest of this family, but as I said before, I just hope there is always a special spot inside of you that respects Disney and is able to identify the magic it brings into our lives.

Because Disney magic is raising you. You’re being built by Disney Magic. When I think of all the ways I want you to grow up and all the ways I want to be a good mom to you all, I find myself thinking of things I’ve learned from Disney. As silly as it sounds, its 1000% true.

Disney can teach you to dream. Disney can give you hope. Disney can remind you that there is good in the world and that most people are good. Disney can help you find joy. It can help you cope when you’re sad. It can teach you lifelong lessons and it can implant song lyrics into your mind that you’ll never forget. It can be a source of happiness. It can be a safe place you run to, to get away from reality. Disney can be a refuge. It can help you feel carefree when you are feeling weighted down. It can create magic in a regular day and a regular moment. Disney can help you embrace who you are and the unique, special individual you’re meant to be. Disney can help you change your point of view and look on the bright side. You’ll find things and characters you relate to. You’ll have moments in Disney Parks you reflect on for years and years.

Disney is a part of your childhood, I pray you always think of that with a smile on your face and are thankful for your Disney roots.

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Love, mom