Sleep Training Baby Sis

K guys. If you pay any attention to me, you probably know that I don’t sleep at night very well. Why? Well, besides crippling anxiety, it’s because little Flora struggles so hard at night time. It was more common than not to get like maaaaybe two hours of sleep – and not consecutively. I rode the struggle bus – heck, I think I drove the struggle bus – daily, and I knew I needed to figure this out. When I don’t sleep, the first thing really affected is my mental health and…obviously I don’t want that. It also made Flora struggle to be the happy girl she naturally is and it was negatively affecting her naps during the day! It’s safe to say, things needed to change.

So I started simple and hey, somehow it’s working finally! I’ve tried this many times, but now it’s clicking for us both and I’m not lying when I say I have cried about this.

I love sleep.

How We’ve Done It

•At dinner time, I make sure she has a nice, full belly

•She takes a nice, warm bath and thoroughly enjoys every second of it (it’s adorable how much she loves baths)

•We lotion her up and put her in cozy jammies and her sleep sack

•We go in her brothers room to read a book, do scriptures and prayer, then we kiss her brother goodnight

•I nurse her for a few minutes then put her in her crib. Sometimes she is asleep, sometimes she is drowsy. I’m not a stickler on that.

•I turn the video monitor on and leave the room and close the doors

Typically she’ll cry for several minutes, but is then able to soothe herself back to sleep (YAY!) And each night she falls asleep quicker. I’m so proud of her. Seriously.

During the night she will occasionally whimper, but is able to fall back asleep on her own. If she is really sad, I go comfort her for a minute by patting her back and speaking softly to her. She also typically wakes up around 2:30/3 and we nurse – in all honesty, this ones for me. My boobs can’t handle going all night without nursing yet.

It’s amazing. It’s so refreshing and it feels strange and so satisfying to be able to sleep so well at night again. It’s been a long time, after all.

I’ve Got Your Back

The other night, I posted this on my Instagram stories:

“It was a weird day mentally. And now I’m in bed and I can just feel my anxiety getting thicker and yuckier. I’m stressed because I seem to get these anxiety attack flare-ups when I don’t sleep well, and Flora doesn’t sleep great lately. So I feel like I’m just sitting here waiting for it to get worse. Ugh. Its a crappy, heavy feeling.”

“I’m sharing this as a reminder that its normal to not feel 100% all the time. Its also normal for things to switch quickly. It happens to SO many people, its just not vocalized all the time. I was feeling so good a lot of the day, but in the last few hours its progressively switched. Its ok. Its normal. Im going to focus on dealing with this. Feeling it. Acknowledging it. Then doing the things that usually help me feel better.”

After posting those stories, I went to bed. The next morning I woke up to 171 DM’s. I was flooded with messages from people offering words of encouragement and advice. They shared with me their own stories and hardships with mental health.

I have always known that mental health and postpartum hardships aren’t a rarity. But having that many people reach out to me was something powerful. In all of those messages, I felt validated and United with a group of people who didn’t choose their hard, but are still powering through. Some days it’s easier than others, but we’re doing it! I’m proud of that. I’m proud of us.

If you’re one of these fellow warriors, I just wanted to tell you I love you. I hear you. I support you. I’ll advocate for you. I’ve got your back. If you feel alone, or on edge, or at a breaking point or any other strong, hard emotions, and you have no one to talk to – talk to me!! I will listen. I won’t cast judgement or question why you feel the way you do. Because I get it. I understand it. Let’s help each other. Let’s keep speaking up. Let’s keep having each other’s backs.

10 Months Postpartum

Before I had kids I knew that the first few weeks after having a baby would be unpredictable with postpartum stuff. But I foolishly also believed that once my child was like 2-3 months old I’d be in the clear. Silly me. I was so wrong. In my case, my postpartum anxiety gets really bad and scary right around 2/3 months, so I was definitely  wrong in assuming I knew how life after baby would be.

A couple days ago I hit 10 months postpartum with my second child. I am still deep in all that postpartum craziness. Some days are awesome and some days are not. Some things are going pretty well and others aren’t. These things all swap places, moods and feelings fluctuate and its really hard to tell what day will be a good one and which will be harder.

I like to look back on my life and reflect on things. This is the post to someday remind me what 10 months postpartum with E (and 34 months postpartum with H – haha) looks like:

  • Postpartum Anxiety is still real. I had a few good months where I felt like I had a handle on it, but the last two months haven’t been as lucky. There are so, so many scary thoughts floating around my head that I have to work hard at battling every day. Sometimes I can combat the fear and anxiety easier than other days. I never know what to expect.
  • My body isn’t going back to my pre-body as quickly as it did with H. Granted, I’m aware I’ll never have that pre-baby body fully back, because I’ve now had two babies. I am poochy and soft in some places, but honestly I don’t mind too much. I’m feeling quite confident in my mom bod. I exercise daily, I eat good (ish) and I know that my body is what gave me these sweet boys of mine. So right now, I can’t complain.
  • More of a Mama Bear is emerging from me. I’m very much a person who hides away from confrontation, but lately I’m a lot better and puffing my chest up and standing up for my kids benefit. Maybe someday I’ll figure out how to do that for myself haha.
  • I know I’ve said this before, but I feel like I fully mean it this time – I’m getting my groove back. I’ve finally figured out how to manage keeping the household under control and (basically) tidy, while taking care of two little boys. I’ve still got a lot to work on and learn, but I’m getting the hang of it and feeling confident about it, so I’m proud of myself.

Its so crazy to think that in two months E will be ONE and H will be THREE. What? Where does time go? All I can say is I hope the next two months are kind to me and that I’m kind to me as I continue to be in this postpartum ‘fun’.