My Little Boy

I have been hit pretty aggressively with the realization that we are down to just a few months of having just one child. Our sweet baby H. The perfect little bundle of joy who made us parents and introduced us to a happiness and overwhelming feeling of pride we never could have known if it weren’t for him. 

My heart is feeling torn in so many different directions. Of course I am beyond thrilled to have our second little boy in November. I’ve dreamt my whole life of having several kids and that’s still my dream! I am so excited to see H become a big brother and to finally meet this little brother of his. I am so anxious to see his face, to learn his personality and to soak all of him in. I actually feel more excited this time around, probably because this time I’m not so clueless. I know how special my children are now. I know how much I love them and how much I love being a mom. I can’t let myself dwell too much on this or else I turn into an emotional puddle. 

But then there is the part of me that knows how much H’s world is going to be rocked. Life as he knows it is going to drastically change and a part of me, in a weird way, feels a little bit guilty. People who often joke about how H is going to be second place, etc certainly don’t help the way I feel either. He is very accustomed to being the one and only. He’s used to undivided attention and snuggles on demand. I know it’s good for him to learn that the world in fact doesn’t revolve around him…but there’s still guilt!! 

I hope he can figure out quickly that he’s still so loved. Our love isn’t going to lessen for him even in the slightest. In fact I’ve heard the love we have for him will even grow! Our hearts are just going to get bigger so we can have the same amount of love for little brother! I hope he sees that he’s still our world, our joy and our tiny best buddy. Because he is – he always will be!

I know that especially once the baby is here I will feel differently. I’ll just know our new family of four is perfect and meant to be. I know that now, come to think of it – I’m just.. I don’t know. Am I even making sense or do I just sound crazy? I am so in love with this crazy 20 month old and I want him to never feel that his value has decreased just because another baby joined our family. It’s giving me so many emotions I honestly wasn’t anticipating. It’s funny how I am so far past elated for this new addition but at the same time feel a tinge of guilt. 

Please tell me I’m not the only one who’s ever felt like this? Also please tell me it’s just hormones or a phase or something and I’ll get over this before November?!

xoxo

ceeceesparkles 

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I Wants the Red Head

I just recently made a goal to blog on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Well here I am a week into this goal – its Friday – and I have absolutely no idea what to blog about. I had an idea but its turning out to be a much more detailed post than I’d anticipated so that one will come later. But now that leaves me idea-less. So if you don’t like my stream of thought posts where I just blab about whatever is currently on my mind, then I understand if you’re going to click the ‘x’ button in the corner now. But if you’re stickin’ around. Thanks.

So this is our topic today. Something I learned about yesterday that has literally been troubling my heart and making me sad. Do you know who this is?

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This is The Red Head from the ride Pirates of the Caribbean in Disneyland. She is in a scene on the ride where some pirates are auctioning off wives basically. A large sign reads, “AUCTION Take a Wench for a Bride” and the second bride in line is this stylish Red Head. The pirates watching the auction are yelling out, ” we wants the red head!” Its admittedly one of my favorite scenes. But in 2018 they are replacing the scene and I am devastated. Supposedly people are complaining because this scene is teaching our young children that women are objects to be bought and owned and thats its ok to treat women as a prize to be won/auctioned. Do you get what I’m saying? Its people freaking out about being politically correct.

I totally agree that women are not an object to be owned. But you guys, this is a Disneyland Attraction. They aren’t looking to make any political statements. This is how the ride has always been – its a classic! And if you want to get real technical, in the time of the pirates, this IS how women were treated! Its historically accurate (haha). I think what makes me the most sad is that Walt Disney had a hand in this ride. He was still alive to really take part in bringing this ride to life and now they’re changing it, taking a piece of Walt out of his very own park. It really bums me out.

Years ago they made changes to the ride where there are pirates chasing women around in circles because again, it was teaching the wrong thing about how women should be treated and I was bugged then, but replacing the infamous Red Head has me fuming. Rumor has it she will still be there. She’ll just be a pirate instead, helping gather loot or something like that. It will be interesting to see what they do. I just wish no change was being made in the first place. People are offended easily. I guess if the ride insults you so much, just stop riding it?

*Please keep in mind, these are MY opinions. Everyone has different thoughts – these are mine.

xoxo

ceeceesparkles

Its Good to be ME

One of my New Years Resolutions for 2017 was to really focus on embracing who I am and not being embarrassed about certain pieces of myself. I have been lucky enough to have a pretty good track record in my life of being confident in myself – I mean of course there have been some things – but I have always been ok with being a little ‘different’ or ‘weird’ to people if it meant that I was happy with myself and was doing what felt was right to me. As we all know very, very well now, social media can be great and social media can be awful. For the most part I love it, but something I have noticed since really getting into the blogging world and opening myself up to more people is that I have lost some of that confidence in being exactly who I am and being proud of everything I am and everything I do. People share their opinions and their own thoughts on their blog, their Twitter, their Instagram, etc, and I read these things and so often I have noticed that according to them, I am doing something wrong or annoying or shameful or just embarrassing and for some dumb reason I start taking their words to heart and start telling myself I need to stop doing {insert thing here} because its wrong, annoying, shameful, embarrassing… But then in doing so I realize I really didn’t want to change that part of myself and then I go to this weird place of wanting to be like someone else and be genuinely liked by them, but also not wanting to lose my authentic self. In the end I usually am able to remind myself its ok to be me and I remind myself that other peoples opinions really shouldn’t define me or change me or even matter to me all that much. But still its hard sometimes to not feel that constant nagging in the back of my mind that what I’m doing is unacceptable and stupid to someone else and to continue on doing so anyway.

The last few days I have been thinking about this a lot. And I have come to the (obvious) realization that you can’t please everyone. No one is going to love, support and agree with every single thing you do and thats just fine because life would actually probably be really boring if everyone agreed with everything you did (although maybe we’d all get along better and the world would be a happier place?) So I now have this new boost of confidence and motivation to be me. The real me that is going to live life to the beat of my own drum and (try really hard to) not let other peoples opinions get to me so much that they begin to change me.

I am obsessed with Disney and I talk a lot about it. Maybe that makes me childish and immature to some and maybe you’re really sick of my Disney posts, but to me, it makes me happy and it makes me feel youthful and it makes me think of magical memories with my family.

I don’t use our real names on my public social media because my anxiety is that bad and I have heard so many nightmare stories about families in the media that to me, this is a way to keep us a little more safe. Maybe thats annoying and makes me seem paranoid to people – and if its annoying, sorry! And if it makes me seem paranoid, its because I AM.

I sell Lipsense. Even I will loudly admit, MLM’s are the worst! But I pride myself in the way I run my little side business – I’m not naggy, I don’t automatically add people to groups without their consent and I don’t fill up peoples social media timelines. If my posts I share bother people so much, they can scroll right past them or if its that bad, unfollow me. I like being able to (pretty stinkin’ easily) make some extra money just by playing with lipstick – and seeing as I am a licensed make up artist, I can’t really think of a better situation.

I am still nursing. Obviously it’s waaaaay less frequently now.. For quite a while it was the only thing my son would reliably eat. I am not sure why but my milk supply has really not even started to dwindle. I produce SO much – like I’ve been nursing over a year and I still leak and spray! TMI? It’s insane. But that’s not the point. It still feels like nursing is still right for us. It’s really just before naps or bed now and I’m sure it’ll happen even less soon, but it’s what we still do and I know that’s weird to a lot of people, but I do what I feel is best for my baby and I stand by it.

I choose not to swear. Its a personal decision I made when I was young and its something that makes me, me. People call me Molly Mormon because of this, they assume I am a prude and am judgmental and all ‘holier than thou’ and that is SO not the case. I just do it because it makes me happy.

I am terrified of offending people. It makes me act awkward and say weird stuff and I have got some interesting comments from others because of this. I have attempted to be a little more confrontational and straight forward but it is NOT me. The only time I really get confrontational is when I feel the need to protect or defend my son. It doesn’t make me weak, it doesn’t make me easy and it doesn’t mean I’m shy.

Really I could go on with these things. Some are things I have heard since I was little and some are things I have heard more recently. I’m not saying at all that I’m picked on, bullied and people are always talking bad about me. As far as I know this actually very seldom happens (thank heavens/i hope) but I still find that I easily get embarrassed about these traits I have that make me who I am because someone else has a different opinion or a negative thought about it. Ugh.

Does any of this even make sense? Do I just sound like a whiny baby right now? I promise that wasn’t the point of this post. It was just more to say I am proud of who I am! I like who I am and what I do and how I go about my life and how I am raising my child. I like being me and I do all things in my life in the way that feels best for me and my family. I know not everyone agrees with everything I am doing but thats just fine! Thats the beauty of agency – we all get to decide things for ourselves and form our own, unique opinions.

I’m excited to keep this momentum going. I feel like this will open up a lot of new doors for me. I’ll have more blog content thats personal and exciting to me. I won’t feel so embarrassed and like I’m surely going to lose followers/friends/respect when I post something or talk about something that I know some people roll their eyes at. I’m just going to be me and roll with it! I’m going to be proud of myself and all the weirdness that comes with me because I really do like myself and I really do love my life!

xoxo

ceeceesparkles

Share the Compliments

If whiny posts bother you, than this is not a post you should be reading. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. I was so excited to start February with a bang and have it just be an awesome month. I was going to be super productive, positive and patient. I was going to keep my anxiety totally in check. I was going to be super mom. All of that good stuff that every woman wants for herself. I don’t know why, but February felt like my month. We aren’t even a week into the month, so I know there is a lot of time left for the month to improve, but wow you guys. So far February has kicked my butt. I have just felt defeated and so quick to get down on myself and my situations. I’m not entirely sure what triggered it but I have been feeling anxiety something fierce for the past week. My patience has been thinner than normal (this one bugs me the most because I’m usually a very patient person) and I have just had a more difficult time being positive and upbeat as often as I normally am. I know that there are days/weeks like this, but it doesn’t make being in them any easier.

H has been really, really cranky lately and for the life of me I can’t figure out why. He just recently popped his two front teeth through, so its not teething and I feel like he’s finally feeling better after being sick for pretty much all of January. I don’t know if this is a one-year old phase or what, but its hard. He throws these epic fits and will throw himself backwards and it scares me because I don’t want him to whack his head into the floor or wall. He’s moodier and sometimes a lot more needy and sometimes wants me to keep my distance (but stay in sight). Its weird. Most people have told me this is just a phase – and I’m sure it is, but again, that doesn’t make being in the phase any easier.

I’m also feeling overwhelmed. With what? Great question. Just generally overwhelmed.

But after all of this whining I have a little public service announcement I want to stress.

Even with this not-so-great week I have had, I have had a simpler time keeping my head above water because of the kindness of people around me. I have found that I have really been grasping onto compliments I’ve been getting this week and as cheesy as it sounds, they have saved me from having a terrible week. On Instagram a girl told me I had a good smile and teeth, another girl told me I’m sweet and another told me I always look pretty. A few different friends texted me this week and complimented me, the way I run my spa and the good friend that I am. At church an old family friend saw me in the hall struggling with H and he came over to me, hugged me and told me he was proud of me for being at church. My husband always tells me I’m pretty, he thanks me and he tells me he loves me. Then someone told me my house was decorated beautifully. I have held onto these compliments for dear life the last couple days and I’m fully crediting them with being the reason why I haven’t had a complete breakdown yet.

I just want to remind you guys that if you ever feel the urge to compliment someone, you need to DO IT because it can really help that someone out. I know sometimes its easy to ignore those promptings and sometimes its easy to feel embarrassed at the thought of saying something nice to someone (why is that?) but please don’t be embarrassed anymore and don’t ignore the urge. I am totally one who has decided it was easier to stay quiet, but I am really challenging myself to stop that. You never know when telling someone they’re beautiful, telling them you’re proud of them, etc can change the direction of their week.

xoxo

ceeceesparkles

Better Than Any President

Politics. Like 90% of social media is just political talk now I swear. I hate it, I’ll be honest. I don’t really love politics. I respect it, I know we need it and all that but I hate that it can so often turn people into mean, ugly monsters who say crude, evil, judgmental things. I’m a softy and when I feel like all I’m hearing is judgements (true or not) that are mean my gut hurts a little more with each tweet or article heading I read. I fully understand everyone is entitled to their opinion and everyone has the right to share their opinion and thats fine! That is why you’ll never see me tell someone that they shouldn’t say what they said. I don’t decide who gets to say what and why and where and all that. All I can do is decide what I say and decide how what other people say effect me. Because of who I am, what people say really effects me – good or bad.

No one is going to like everyone. Again, totally fine. I can’t even imagine how Molly Mormon and prude-like I’m going to sound when I say I guess I was raised with the “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothin’ at all” mentality. I have certain people I will share my ‘not nice’ comments and opinions with, but I generally like to keep them to myself. This is also likely because I will bend over backwards and do a million backflips in an attempt to avoid any and all confrontation. Haha. I get teased for wishing I lived in a Disney Princess world and the more I type the more I see that this is so true. Am I 26 or 6?

How about I get onto what I really want this post to be like before I keep talking about what a baby I am with political talk.

I am not going to share who I voted for. I will say that voting was hard for me this time because I wasn’t in full support of anyone running. (is anyone every 100% in full support of a presidential candidate?) But regardless, Donald Trump is now the President of the United States. This is me, personally and you do not have to agree with me, but I am choosing to accept this and I will respect him as our President. That is just who I am and not at all who you have to be. I do not agree with all that he does or what he has said and if I think too much about it I get a little nervous for…a lot. Now that I’m a mom I have found I am always thinking about how something will effect my child. I’ve thought so much about the state of the world lately and how its going to effect H. I have thought about what celebrities say, what the President says, what neighbors say and even about what some family says and I get so worried for the world my son and future children are growing up in. It can be scary! Obviously there are a lot of good things in this world too and I like to believe and hope my children will stay on a good path that will find them happy and rising above negativity, etc, but its still in my nature to be a little hesitant.

But then the thought hit me. Who is going to be a more prominent, powerful, constant example in my sons life? The President, or me?

Me.

I am the one who my son sees, interacts with and watches closely every day. I am the one he mimics and copies. I am the one, right now, who he idolizes, loves and keeps a very close eye. My impact on my son is far greater than the impact of any President, no matter how I, or others, feel about him.

So instead of worrying about what people in the spotlight are going to do and how it will effect my son, I need to be far more worried with what I am doing and how my example and how my actions are going to effect him. I’m a far more prominent force in his life and I plan to ensure that I am someone who he can look up to, strive to be like and is proud of. To my son and my future children I can be FAR better than any President.

xoxo

ceeceesparkles

A Stream of Thought

I set a goal for myself to post every day in December. So far I’ve been doing good at it. I may not be physically blogging every day but on days I know I’ll be busy I’ve made sure I have a blog post set up to get published that day and so far I haven’t skipped a day. These small victories make me way too proud of myself.

But then today I sort of hit a block and can’t think of something to write about. Actually I can think of a lot to write about but every time I start the post I get bored and fizzle out and go watch tv or eat yet another handful of dried coconut which is my newest addiction. So instead of forcing myself to write about something I’m not really into I have decided to just sit down and type about some of the things on my mind. Read if you want. Or don’t.

I have been working on my 2017 New Years Resolutions and I’m actually really excited to take the new year head on. I’m going to be working on self-improvement throughout next year and I really, really hope I stick with it. I’ve also heard of a lot of other people choosing a word for their year and at first I thought it was kind of weird but I have decided to choose a word for 2017 for myself. I haven’t picked the word yet though.. Maybe inspiration will come to me eventually.

WHY does Diet Coke taste so much better than water? I don’t know why but lately every time I drink another diet coke I feel guilty that its not water. I drink a couple glasses of water a day so I know I’m not completely depriving myself of H20 but still it just annoys me.

Do you have that one person on your Christmas List who is nearly impossible to shop for? This year mine is my sister. She’s not impossible to shop for but she’s tough. I don’t know if its because I’m the oldest or what but I always feel so much pressure (all from myself) to get my sisters perfect presents. I feel like with my other sister I’ve totally nailed her gift and she’ll love it but then with my other sister I’m at a total loss. She’s given me a recommendation but its something simple and I want to get her something that will wow her. But maybe I’ll never figure out what that thing is. Ugh.

My friend Danica recently gave a class on all things planning and I have never been more excited to use my planner! I got all kinds of new supplies to help keep the drive alive and its been so fun to really plan my days out and organize my life a bit better. She brought up so many things I can write in my planner that I never would have thought to write in before. It was so good and I can’t stop thinking about it.

My skin is freaking out on me and its really annoying me because I take care of my skin! I never sleep with make up on, I cleanse, exfoliate 3-4 times a week, use toner, use face masks, wear SPF and moisturize at least twice a day. So why would my skin then decide to go crazy? All  do is care for it and love it. For heaven sakes, skin is my profession…

We have been watching Amazing Race re-runs for the last couple weeks and I don’t think Wild man understands just how happy it makes me. I’m an Amazing Race junkie and I will binge watch this show shamelessly, but watching it with Wild Man and being able to talk strategies and complain to/with him is awesome.

Alright well thanks for reading. Until next time…

xoxo

ceeceesparkles