A Dip in the Pool

My family has a pool in their backyard and every year we anxiously look forward to the time of year when the pool opens and we get to anticipate the endless summer days floating in the pool and smothering ourselves in sunscreen (#palegirlproblems #estheticianproblems). I was so excited to take this picture because this same time last year we announced that H was a boy by debuting a boy swimming suit – the one he is wearing! Now he’s in that suit and he is CUTE! H was fun in the pool. I wasn’t sure how he’d like it, but he loves bath time so I was hoping he’d view the pool as a giant bath that he got to take with his family. He ended up being pretty indifferent towards the whole ordeal, but he didn’t hate it – so I’ll take it!

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Warm weather is here!! I hope you have fun plans and get some good ol’ pool time in, too!

xoxo

ceeceesparkles

What I Learned in Three Months

A few days ago my son turned three months old. I really don’t understand how time has moved so quickly and its crazy to me how big my little guy seems. Since bringing him home as this tiny, perfect newborn he has already learned so, so much. His favorite thing he’s learned is definitely that he can turn his head. Seriously his head never holds still, he is constantly looking left, right, up, down, behind him, etc. He’s really loving all this neck control.

But he’s not the only person learning new things..

WHAT I HAVE LEARNED IN THREE MONTHS

A FULL NIGHT OF SLEEP ISN’T MANDATORY: Before my son was born I never fell asleep before midnight 6.5 nights out of the 7 in the week, but I still needed sleep. I was convinced I couldn’t get things done, be productive or be even half human without plenty of sleep. I have now been sleep deprived for the whole 3 months The Captain has been around and you know what? I can totally function with only a couple hours of sleep up my sleeve. I mean ya, there are certainly some days I wish I could have clocked in a few more hours or slept in, but I truly don’t need as much sleep as I thought I did.

PATIENCE WITH MYSELF: As far as I’m concerned my baby is perfect so I have yet to lose my patience with him, but I cannot always say the same about myself, though I am learning to. Sometimes I lay in bed and feel guilty for not being the very best mom/wife I could be. Sometimes The Captains blowout laundry sits in an untouched pile for far too long. Sometimes I put zero effort into dinner. Sometimes I have plenty of time to be productive and house-wifey but I spend my time doing anything else. Sometimes I don’t know why my baby is crying and can’t ‘fix’ him as fast as we both wish I could. But thats reality and I’m learning to be patient with myself and give myself credit and positive affirmations.

ITS OK TO HAVE DIRTY, STINKY CLOTHES: I used to be the person who always had a clean, fresh, unwrinkled outfit. Then I had a baby and now I often have spit up down the front of me and on those *lucky* days, poop and potty also find their way onto my clothes. So with hearing that you can just imagine the smell.. But hey, there are more important things than clean looking/smelling clothes.

MY BODY IS A WORK IN PROGRESS: I have already written about my thoughts on women post baby bodies (read post here) and I still stand by every word I said. Of course there are still days I get discouraged that my stomach is still as squishy as play dough and my boobs are usually two different sizes thanks to nursing, but I know that my body did something incredible by bringing my tiny BFF into the world so I respect it and I know that as long as/if I put the work into it and eat right, I’ll eventually get the results I’m wishing for. It may not be a fast transition, but it can happen. In the meantime I’m just going to still be proud of what my squishy belly (& my insides) did.

PRIORITIES HAVE DRASTICALLY SHIFTED: Nap time for The Little Captain is as precious as gold. Nap time is the #1 priority now and I will schedule my day around his 3 to 4 naps to keep everyone in this house happy, well-tempted and just feeling good. Plus there is nothing cuter than watching him wake up from a nap then getting to play with him for a while after he wakes up – he is the happiest little guy after a good, long nap. (can you blame him?)

EVEN TEENY BABIES LIKE BOOKS: I really thought babies under 6 months didn’t care a bit about books and reading. I received lots of books before my son was born and would mentally think to myself ‘I won’t be using these forever,’ but I couldn’t have been more wrong. We love reading time. The Captain sits on my lap and happily kicks and flails his arms around as he excitedly looks at each new page. Its adorable and I can tell he genuinely enjoys it.

MAKE UP AND CUTE HAIR CAN BE SACRIFICED SOMETIMES: I’m definitely a firm believer that cute hair and a nice face of make up can be the recipe for a really great day. I was sure I’d think the same thing once my son was here, too. I was all prepped and ready to be the mom who got ready every single day – but that has ultimately become something far from my reality. I used to spend an embarrassing amount of time on my make up and hair, but since The Captain’s arrival, I can’t leave him alone for so long and he gets bored and doesn’t like not being held for longer than 15 minutes (& i don’t like not holding him for longer than 15 minutes). So there are just some days that I opt out of any make up and throw my hair into a top knot and call it good then go hang with my little man.

I REALLY LOVE MY HUSBAND: Watching Wild Man become a father has been incredible. I always knew he’d be an amazing dad because I’ve seen how good he is with our nieces and nephews, but he’s really exceeded my expectations when it comes to fatherhood. He rocks it. He loves our son and there is something so special about the bond they have. Since we have had The Captain I’ve seen Wild Man with new eyes and its made my love for him grow even stronger. He is an amazing man and I am so blessed to be his wife for time and all eternity.

I NEED ME TIME: You’ll never hear me admit this out loud, but I do. Typically my favorite ‘me time’ is in the bath tub. That is where I relax and unwind. A couple times a week I decide to draw a hot, bubble bath and shut the door and just let myself relax and think about nothing. I fight guilt the entire time because I really hate being without my boys, but I also think the time I set aside for myself is something that helps me maintain balance and sanity.

MOTHERHOOD IS MY CALLING: I always knew I wanted to be a mom since I was a little girl. I have vivid memories of laying in bed and pretending to deliver babies/stuffed animals then proceed to ‘raise’ them. I loved it then and knew it would be a trillion times better once it was the real deal. In high school I can totally remember wondering to myself how many years after school I’d get married and have babies because I really was so anxious. Now that I am a mom and I have my first little baby, I have no doubt that this is what I have always been meant to do with my life. I love being a mom. There is no greater joy. I’m lucky to be able to be a full-time mom and spend nearly 24/7 with my son – I truly wouldn’t have it any other way.

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xoxo

ceeceesparkles

 

 

If Only I Could Have Warned You

Wild Man,

We always knew having a baby was going to change everything. I didn’t know just how much it would change me though.

There are the obvious changes we knew would happen: We’d get a lot less sleep, I’d have bags under my eyes, I’d cry more than usual (if thats even possible), my body shape would change, I would become completely attached to our child, and so on and so on.

But there are a lot more changes that have happened that I just wasn’t ready for – and they can be very overwhelming at times.

New daddys don’t give birth to the baby, breast feed the baby, stay up all night then stay up all day with the baby, change hundreds of diapers a day or cry most hours out of the day for no reason, but they still have an incredibly difficult job when it comes to pregnancy and having a baby.

You play a crucial role – a vital role – in helping me transition from a woman to a mother. And that isn’t an easy job as I’m sure you can strongly attest to! But its an incredibly important job and one I am so grateful you’ve effortlessly taken on.

You are awesome. I had no way of knowing what to warn you of when I got pregnant, but you stepped up to the plate with ease and bravery and for those 39.5 weeks you made me feel like the prettiest, most special person in the world and helped me still feel as normal as possible and made me feel understood and valued. I was sick my entire pregnancy, and the entirety of that time you were understanding beyond belief and oh so caring. If I didn’t get stuff done around the house or if I had zero energy, you never brought it up or made me feel like less of a person because of it. You always expressed that you loved me and were so, so patient (and still are).

That is exactly what you’ve done since The Little Captain was born too, but I would be willing to bet that its even harder this time around. Like I said earlier, I had no idea just how much I would change during this whole process of becoming a mommy and having our baby boy here.

I wish I could have warned you about the changes I’d go through so you wouldn’t be so caught off guard like I was.. (like I assume you were too?)

I’m Self Conscious Even more than I was when I basically had a beach ball in my belly. My body doesn’t look like what it used to. My stomach may have shrunk back, but its weirdly loose and flabby and to be honest, sometimes I worry I’ll never be able to get it toned up. I feel this pressure to always try and get dolled up so people don’t think I’m a lazy stay at home mom, now. There are all these new moms with tiny babies on social media who appear so put together and are looking glamorous and perfect just days after child birth and I feel pressure to look like them. Its pressure I put on myself, no one else makes me feel like I need to be Little Miss Perfect but I really can’t stop thinking about how I need to be that person. Ugh. I also hate that I get next to nothing done around the house nine times out of ten. I feel like I let you down and fear that I’m not as organized, put together and well-rounded as I hoped I’d be. All of this is hard hard hard on me.

I Need Help But I don’t want to admit it so I probably won’t ask. I hate that I don’t fully know every single thing about motherhood and that sometimes I have to ask for help and advice. It can be embarrassing. You always hear that being a mom will come naturally to a woman – and thats true on most fronts, but there are still some things I just need help with. This is going to take getting used to and somehow I’ll have to realize asking for help doesn’t make me a bad mother. Thankfully you’re a skilled mind reader and can offer the help/get me help before I need to drop my pride and ask. Thanks for that.

I Need Protection I feel so vulnerable right now. I will tell you exactly how I’m feeling, but I’m too overwhelmed to tell anyone else, so it’s very easy for me to feel walked all over, taken advantage of and treated poorer than I deserve. I need you to stand up for me when I’m not brave enough to do so and speak up for myself. Maybe it makes me sound pathetic, but I love knowing you can be my voice when my own voice won’t sound. You have always made me feel protected but now that our son is here I am so much more grateful to know that you put your family and our happiness (& my sanity) first.

I’m Attached To the new baby and you. We have this new, perfect family and I don’t like the idea of the three of us ever being separated for longer than a couple hours (& even then its tough). And it doesn’t make sense but even when I have been holding the baby all day and I’m tired and covered in spit up, I get anxious and feel empty when I haven’t had him wrapped snuggly in my arms for a long period of time – and when he is in someone else’s arms this mother bear in me comes out and I have to watch everything going on. I’m assuming this is a new mom thing. But I can’t guarantee the crazy hovering/over protecting/stressing out is going to end anytime soon.

I Worry I’m literally full to the brim with worry. I can’t sleep at night because I constantly have to make sure the baby is breathing. I worry about the kind of mother I’ll be. I worry about your well-being. I worry that someone won’t wash their hands before holding our son and he’ll get sick. I worry that I’m worrying so much that I’m not getting the sleep I need. I worry that people are talking about me behind my back. I worry about everything and you’re the only thing that can calm me down and bring me back to a good mental, stable  place. Please never lose this talent.

I Cry If I didn’t cry enough during pregnancy, I only cry more now. I hate the term, but postpartum depression is real. I’m even more willing to bet I have full fledged postpartum anxiety. I have always been an emotional person, but this whole ordeal has made me 100% more emotional. When this happens, I just need you and my baby.

I’m Crazy and Don’t Always Realize It I still don’t realize it so this is a hard paragraph to type out. But I know I’m irrational and am surely not easy to communicate with. Have I mentioned how much I value your saintly patience?

You are the best. Thank you for helping me with this huge step of becoming ‘mommy’. I couldn’t have done it without you.. Or at least not as easily. I applaud your patience, your understanding and the diligent, hard work you put into this family.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

xoxo

ceecesparkles

  
 

The Best Bond

For some reason I always knew that Wild Man and our baby would be BFF’s. Before we even knew that The Captain was a boy, I just knew the baby would be very close to its daddy. Then in June when we found out the little baby in my belly was a boy, it only gave me even more reassurance that they would be thick as thieves. While I was pregnant when Wild Man would talk, our son would wiggle around happily in my stomach. When Wild Man even just touched my big ol’ belly, the baby would dance around. It was always the sweetest thing and I couldn’t wait to see them together face-to-face without my belly separating them.

Now that The Little Captain is here, all of my dreams about seeing him with his daddy and being able to witness their friendship take off have come true. Wild Man and The Captain have the best, sweetest bond.

I think that they established their incredible bond the first night The Captain was born. He had looooong nights in the hospital. He didn’t want to sleep, he was restless and cried for hours on end. I couldn’t get up and walk around so Wild Man would take our son and pace the room, sing church hymns and Christmas songs to him, rock him and pat his bum (one of his biggest comforts for him, now) and I think because of the long nights in the hospital they spent together, The Captain feels so protected, safe and happy when his dad is near. They imprinted this phenomenal love and devotion to one another.

One of my favorite things is when Wild Man gets home from work and Captain hears his voice. His little eyes open wide and he searches the room for his daddy’s familiar face. Then the two of them hang out together all the while melting my heart.

I love my two boys. I’m so thankful I get to be ones wife and ones mommy. I live the luckiest life and I am so honored I get to watch these two with each other.
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xoxo

ceeceesparkles

The Day We Found Out

Every March, Wild Man’s extended family has a huge family reunion in Bryce Canyon. This year was no different. We were trying to get pregnant and after doing some calculating, I found that if I was not pregnant, I would start my period on the second to last day there. I wanted to be really hopeful and faithful that I was pregnant and not pack any ahem, lady supplies, but I also really didn’t want to have that awful experience when you start and have absolutely nothing. So reluctantly I packed the stuff.

If I remember correctly, the reunion lasted four days, maybe five. Typically, at least three days before my period would start, I’d start to feel very crampy and sick. A couple days into the trip I realized that I hadn’t felt any cramps – but I chalked that up to being too preoccupied by family and activities to notice them. Finally, the second to last day came and I just awaited that sign that it had begun.

I waited and waited and waited…

It was time for bed and still nothing. Of course, I got really hopeful, excited and anxious. But I didn’t even tell Wild Man because I was so scared about jinxing myself. Besides, it wouldn’t be the first time my period started a day late or so. So I forgot about it and went to sleep. I’d probably start the next day.

But I didn’t. The whole last day as we had a few last activities, packed and said our goodbyes, I kept waiting for the cramps then the real deal. But nothing. I felt totally fine with no signs of it coming. Again, I felt that rush of hopefulness, excitement and anxiousness.

We got home from the reunion and still nothing. This time I mentioned to Wild Man that I didn’t start yesterday and hadn’t started today and it was almost midnight. He asked if I was pregnant. I didn’t want to say yes, but I think at this point…for some reason I just kind of knew. But I’d seen a negative pregnancy test before and felt that disappointing blow even when I was sure I was pregnant. Even though I think I really did know, I kept saying that I’m probably just late this month.

Wild Man talked me into taking a test. I’d read somewhere that your have the strongest levels of the pregnancy hormone in the morning, so I decided that the next morning I’d wake up early, run to the store, buy a test and come home and take it. I should have known I wouldn’t really do that. Morning came and I was tired and I don’t think I really fully woke up to my alarm. So I missed that chance. That day I went to the store and bought a test. I’d take it the next morning.

The next morning I woke up early due to huge amounts of anxiety. I was now several days late and that positive feeling in my mind was only getting stronger but I was too afraid to admit that to Wild Man or even myself.

I took the test and sat it on the counter. The test said to wait 2 minutes before getting my answer. I set a timer, left the bathroom and laid in bed for what felt like an eternity. The entire time I laid in bed I just prayed over and over, “let this be the answer we want, let this be the answer we want.” Then the timer went off. I have NEVER felt my heart race like it did in that moment. I walked slowly into the bathroom, now totally nervous to look at the test. As I approached it, I started reminding myself that if it was negative, it was ok and I’d be ok. I started to doubt that good feeling I’d had for the last few days. I looked down at the test…

It was positive.

The whole world stopped. I checked the plus sign over and over. I compared it to the sheet of paper explaining what a positive sign looked like and I stared at the sign to make sure it wasn’t just my imagination playing tricks on me. Then I walked right outside the bathroom to a carpeted area and literally flopped on the floor and started to sob. I cried for a while, the whole time holding my stomach. I remember at one point even talking to my stomach, saying ‘hi’ to my little person in there. I was beyond thrilled and possibly in some kind of wonderful shock. I prayed and thanked Heavenly Father over and over and promised I’d try and be the best mom I could possibly be. Then I cried some more, still there in the hallway, holding my stomach that now held a little baby.

There were a million creative ways I wanted to tell Wild Man. I’d seen such cute ways to announce a pregnancy to a new father on Pinterest and other blogs so for a moment I thought about how I’d like to tell him. But then I looked at the clock. It was 8:15am and he wouldn’t be home until a little after 5. There was no way I could wait that long to share such exciting news. So I announced the pregnancy to him in the most boring way possible. I texted him. I said, “guess what?” He knew I was taking the test that morning, so he texted back, “Pregnant?” I sent a picture of the positive pregnancy test and started sobbing, again. Then I got another text back that said, “PREGNANT!!!” Thousands more messages were sent back and fourth about how excited we were, etc. I just cried a lot that day (& may or may not be crying thinking about that day…) When Wild Man came home from work he walked in happily and said, “Hi, pregnant one!” Then, for the first time, he came over and started talking to his baby in my stomach – something he does all the time, now. I melted and at that moment I knew our lives would never be the same and we were the luckiest people, ever.

xoxo

ceeceesparkles

“Sometimes the littlest things take up the most room in your heart.” -Winnie the Pooh

November 4th

Today is my daddy’s birthday! In my family we don’t miss each others birthdays. Even if its just a simple party at home, we like to be with each other on birthdays. Its fun to celebrate these special people in your lives!

About four and a half years ago I developed this secret crush on this guy in my Singles Ward. For quite a while it was just admiring him from afar (or the row behind him in Sacrament Meeting every chance I got) but several months into this crush we started saying a couple more words to each other. You know, the “hi,” “hello,” “how are you?” etc. On October 20th 2011 I got super brave and talked to this handsome guy for the first time. Like a conversation. Even though it was a really awkward and silly ‘conversation’ we had finally really talked.

A few days later this handsome guy called me and asked me to go on a date with him on November 4th. My dads birthday. I was so torn. It was a a family birthday party – but also, this boy was so cute! I talked to my dad about it, and he was so sweet and strongly encouraged me to go on the date. He’d been hearing about this crush for a while now and I think he was actually excited for me to go. So I agreed to the date and on the evening of November 4th, I went on my first date with Wild Man.

And I guess the rest is history.

This is our first picture we ever took together, a couple weeks after our first date at one of Wild Man’s soccer games. (thank goodness i’m done with braces!! yikes)381937_10150482350853383_182777143_n

Also, while I’m here.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY!!! I love you!!!

xoxo

ceeceesparkles

“So this is love, so this is what makes life divine.” -Cinderella

Three Years

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On November 1st, 2012, Wild Man and I were married in the Mount Timpanogos Temple (an LDS Temple in American Fork, Utah), sealed for time and all eternity.

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Today marks three years of that wedded bliss and I can honestly say that marrying that charming guy was the best thing I’ve ever done. Every single day I can find a reason to be happy because of him. He makes me happier, pushes me to do better, is my #1 cheerleader, encourages me to go after the things I want, listens to me – and like really listens, lets me wax his nose and eyebrows, helps me with my crafts and projects, makes me laugh harder than anyone else ever could, he lets me eat candy and junk food even though he’s avidly against it, helps me figure out technology stuff that goes way over my head then infuriates me, buys me ice cream when I’m feeling down, still cuddles with me because he knows I love it, will change the temperature of our bedroom to accommodate me – even if it makes him hotter or colder than he’d like to be, he humors me by being in the trillions of selfies I ask to take with him, he takes me on new adventures, kisses my cheek in the morning before he goes to work no matter if I’m awake or asleep, he lets me watch what I want on tv, he has created more inside jokes between the two of us than most people probably have, he can read my mind and he he is 100% my better half and very, very best friend. Because of my Mister, I am the luckiest, happiest girl and forever and always will be.

Happy Anniversary, Wild Man! Here’s to an eternity more of of wonderful anniversaries, fantastic memories and endless laughs, smiles and sarcastic comments.
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xoxo

ceeceesparkles

“Adventure is Out There!” -Up (this is me and Wild Man’s family motto)

Happy Halloween!

I love Halloween! But who doesn’t?!

Except I feel like I should clarify by saying I love cute Halloween. I absolutely despise freaky decorations, scary costumes, haunted houses, etc. Watching Nightmare Before Christmas and maybe, just maybe another mildly scary movie is as spooky/scary as I get. Instead of scary stuff, I like dressing up as a Disney character (that was always a must growing up and I plan on carrying on that rule), painting pumpkins, Halloween crafts and DIY projects, cute decorations, seeing little kids dressed up and seeing them strut their stuff because they know they are the coolest kid in the world in their costume and so on and so forth.

This Halloween has snuck up on us a little bit. We usually plan some really cool couples costume, but this year we’ve sort of let that tradition slip through our fingers. Sadly, I’m not even entirely sure that both Wild Man and I are dressing up. We have costumes in mind that my momma has, but we will see if we end up wearing them or not. Don’t you worry, if we do, you’ll surely see a post about it.

However, I couldn’t let a Halloween pass by without showing off the last two years of costumes Wild Man and I have had as a married couple.

In 2013 we were Belle and Gaston (from Beauty and the Beast). My incredibly talented, creative, awesome mom made these costumes. Also, please notice Wild Man’s awesome hair piece in the back. You can’t be Gaston without his ponytail!IMG_2898

In 2014 we were Rapunzel and Flynn Rider (also made by momma). What made these costumes even more special to us was that we went to Mickey’s Halloween Party in Disneyland and got so many compliments on them. People would even stop us to take our pictures. Its the closest to celebrities we’ve ever been – and it was pretty fun. Plus we looked cute. And that Wild Man makes one fiiiiiine Flynn (heart eyes!!) IMG_7299

Have a fun, safe Halloween – and since I still can’t have sugar, eat LOTS of candy for me!!

xoxo

ceeceesparkles

“Boys and girls of every age, would you like to see something strange? Come with us and you will see this, our town of Halloween. This is Halloween, this is Halloween, pumpkins scream in the dead of night. This is Halloween, everybody make a scene, trick or treat till the neighbors die of fright. Its our town, everybody scream. In our town of Halloween…” -Nightmare Before Christmas

Family Pictures

Our family is about to grow, and for the past couple months I’ve really wanted to get family pictures taken while its still just the two of us. A last little reminder that once, it was just Wild Man and CeeCee, you know?. Ideally, I would have liked to have got the pictures after Wild Man got his hair cut and I got my roots filled in, but yesterday turned out to be the perfect day. Besides, I decided Wild Man sort of has a Flynn Rider look going on with his current hair, so I’m not complaining. I have a very talented little sister who is good at everything she does and photography happens to be one of her very many talents. Luckily that cute girl agreed to take our pictures up the canyon and they turned out SO good! I had such a hard time only choosing a few to show, but I think these  are some of my favorites. IMG_2619 IMG_2635 IMG_2645 IMG_2646 IMG_2653 IMG_2656 IMG_2657 IMG_2663

outfit details:

Wild Man: Sweater – H&M (similar here) Pants – H&M (similar here)

CeeCee: Cardigan: Iceland (my dad & sis picked it up for me there..wish i could give more detail!) Maternity Dress – Target (find here)

xoxo

ceeceesparkles

“The most important thing is family.” -Walt Disney

How It Feels to be a Worrier of the Highest Degree

I am a worrier. I have been since I can remember. I was the little girl who HATED being babysat because I was sure something would happen to my parents while they were away. Elementary school was dreadful because I was so worried that while I was away from my mom and dad, something terrible would happen. I constantly feared news of car wrecks, fires, injuries, etc. even if it was to complete strangers. The very simplest of things could trigger my worry and overtake my thoughts for the rest of the day.

How I’m not full of ulcers is beyond me.

When I got married, it just added another bunch of people for me to worry sickly about. Now I had my parents and my sisters, but also my husband and his family. And now I have this Baby Boy to worry about. Oh, heaven help me.

Wild Man (my husband) is very adventurous and an avid outdoorsman. I think he’d live in the mountains if he could. He loves to hike, camp, mountain bike, fish and every other outdoor thing (besides hunt, thank goodness). Ohhh the severe worry this has caused me. Every trip or outing he goes on fills me with fear. I know he is a smart guy and he knows how much trouble he’d be in if he’s not safe, but it doesn’t stop the worry from overtaking me the whole time he is gone. Pretty much the worry starts the second he leaves my site and it doesn’t subside until he’s back with me. (Man, do I sound clingy/needy/annoying, or WHAT?)

This past weekend my husband went to Moab with some family and friends to do some mountain biking.

…and I’ve never felt more flat out, panic-stricken WORRY.

I’m 34.5 weeks pregnant.

That is why this is a whole new kind of worry. A whole new kind of anxiety that eats at me.

Basically 5 weeks away from the due date.

Thats what kept running through my mind the whole time he was gone. I know 34.5 weeks is a bit early to have a baby, but its certainly not impossible. And Braxton Hicks Contractions are terrifying because you never know if this time its the real thing! Plus, Baby Boy has been measuring big so that only upped the freak outs. Five and a half weeks early… I’m sure babies are born at this point all the time. And heaven help me if my husband wasn’t there for the birth of our first child. I don’t just want him to be there, I NEED him to be there. I keep talking to Baby Boy and telling him to pretty, pretty, pretty please stay in my belly. If he had to come early, come Saturday night so daddy could be there, but preferably, just stay cooking for a few more weeks. Please, please, please, puh-leeeeeese!

You can only imagine the amount of times I prayed and prayed hard. I’d remind myself that my husband told me he’d pray that Baby Boy would stay in, too. I begged for faith and cried gallons of tears leading up to this.

I had a constant pit in my stomach and never let my phone out of my sight. I felt sick (& I don’t think it was pregnancy related, for once), and I had to actively keep track of my thoughts so they didn’t start going to scary places, picturing horrible things.

Thats what being a worrier feels like. It feels like crap. Its horrid and I hate it. Being a worrier stinks, but its a whole different kind of UGH when you also are battling crazy, unpredictable pregnancy hormones and wacked out emotions on top of it.

But goodness… It sure makes you feel really grateful when finally its confirmed that your worst fears didn’t happen. For example: when my husband got home safely today and didn’t miss the birth of our obedient son who listened to our advice and stayed cooking. ;;hallelujah:: My prayers were heard and answered, my faith was strengthened and the weight on my shoulders got a little bit lighter.

Good to have you back home, buddy.

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Now if only I could be sure I wasn’t going to worry/panic/flip out/cry/over-stress next time… But lets be real – I’m just not to that point in my life, yet. Yet.

xoxo

ceeceesparkles

“You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” -Christopher Robin (Winnie the Pooh)